I’m not known for being meek. I can be shy, sure, but ask me what I’d do in a situation where someone appears to be taken advantage of and you’ll hear my very loud opinion of the situation. I also have strong ideas about responsibilities that I think friends and family members have toward each other. I may have given these, unsolicited, to Amanda once or twice, or Shannon, or Ves, Rich, Eli… If you give me a scenario, I will usually have a fairly decisive course of action.

But even loud, abrasive girls named Jummy have their stumbling blocks, and mine seems to be Professionals, especially ones with a degree or certification in something I feel I know nothing about. If you are a financial planner or lawyer, for example, I will defer to you in those matters. You won’t hear a peep out of me regarding what I think is best, even though it’s my money or future that is at stake: I will trust your judgement. Basically Professionals stun me into silence, leaving me only capable of nodding or making other gestures of agreement when faced with suggestions.

In the case of the real estate agent, I thankfully snapped out of what felt like an abusive relationship, and came out otherwise unscathed. By this time tomorrow I’ll be out of a month’s worth of lunch money for the sake of a legal consultation, but all may not be lost as there is still a chance that I’ll also get the information I need. I handled the situation without finesse and wasn’t in control, even though I am the paying customer and should be the one holding the clout. I allowed myself to crumple in response to a guilt trip and subtle intimidation. I need more confidence when dealing with these people, and I need to stop acting like I’m brain-dead in certain areas, just because I don’t have a degree or certificate on the topic. The minute I start asking friends or colleagues for advice on a certain matter is usually when I know I’ve made a misstep along the way.

This is a definite stumbling block in my maturity as an adult.

(Oh, I got myself my iron pills and I’ve popped them! I’m practically not a procrastinator anymore!)

Filed under: Introspective by jummy | 2 Comments »

I have been having a hard time blogging this week on both blogs, and I’m not sure why. I started working on an entry on friends and friendship earlier this week, then moved to an entry on a save to splurge challenge I entered five weeks ago (I’m doing well on it, surprisingly). In both cases I wrote and edited for two or three hours, only to abandon the entry because it wasn’t coming together as I wanted it to.

I’m exhausted. I fall asleep within 30 seconds of my head hitting the pillow. I’m also out of my iron pills (I think there a correlation). I am really looking forward to this long weekend (thank God for Family Day).

Filed under: Mundane by jummy | 2 Comments »

I called my parents’ house a couple of days ago because I wanted to ask my sister a question. Brother #2 answered the phone. His girlfriend was over and when he called to my sister and said “It’s your phone!”, Brother #2’s girlfriend asked him what he said and he said that he told his sister that the phone was for her. She said she had never heard “It’s your phone!” used to express that particular sentiment.

Similarly when someone in the family says something unbelievable and we want to confirm that it is in fact a truth and not a lie, we will ask “Trusting Gods?” This one makes me laugh when I think of what we’re actually saying because it makes no real sense. I mean we are a Christian household so perhaps we’re trying to say “If you trust in God you wouldn’t lie to me”? I have no idea how it developed but that is definitely our version of “For real?” or “Are you serious?”

We are an odd bunch, from my dad, who is the king of made up words, to my mom who has cute turns of phrase like “I bursted into cry” instead of “I burst into tears” (likely due to the fact that English is not her first language).

What expressions or traditions does your family use or have that would seem weird to an outsider?

Filed under: Family by jummy | 6 Comments »

So that last entry was titled I can tell that Valentine’s Day is coming for a reason: I could feel a case of uber grouchiness coming on.

A couple of commenters were surprised that a guy I hadn’t met in person would invite me to his wedding but now that I have had time to think about it, I should tell you that we had been “getting to know each other” for a while. I feel horrid that I don’t remember exactly how long we talked for but to say it was around a year (I don’t think it was longer than that), and we spoke on the phone at least weekly. He was sweet: he sent me roses twice, once with a cute stuffed bear and once with chocolates, and there is little bad that I can say about him except that I didn’t think we were well suited because I was fat (and taller) than his super slim self (I know, it’s me, allllll me, because he wasn’t bothered by it), and I wanted him to ask me more questions about me and get to know me in the way I wanted him to get to know me, and I felt he wasn’t delivering on that front. Oh the coolest part was we had the same last name! I actually came across him online, thought he was related and contacted him and that’s how we met in the first place. Although we don’t think we’re related, he thought it would be cool if I came to represent the people with our last name.

Also, it’s not uncommon for a Nigerian bride or groom getting married to have complete strangers show up at their wedding (sort of like wedding crashing), so I might have more of a claim of knowing the couple than others who might attend the wedding (not that I have made plans to attend the wedding).

Anyway, I felt bad about the way I portrayed him, so I wanted to clear that up. I still am not sure about the motive of the phone call though; perhaps I have grown suspicious of perfectly pure motives in my 30s.

In that last entry I also mentioned that I seem to collect young Nigerian men like I used to collect coupons to the Michaels craft store. It’s really strange but Nigerian men between the ages of 19 and 27 seem to be drawn to me, not as that sexy older woman who fuels all of their fantasies but as a friend.

Of the following five young Nigerian men I am friends with, I met two through an online forum and three through my “Nigerian” blog. We just clicked, and developed a rapport that is effortless, falling into a teasing older sister-younger brother thing with ease. I am the girl they can tell anything to it seems, or seek advice from or bounce things off of. I’m not saying I’m the only person they can do this with but it seems to be the role I’m destined to play in their life.

J is 26 or 27, lives in Nigeria and I’ve known him for almost five years. A few years ago I sent him a wee care package, inconveniencing one of my cousins to get it to him. She was probably wondering why she had never received anything from me yet this guy was getting something. There’s something very sweet about this guy and I just have the softest spot for him. Gone are the days when I’d tell him to focus on school and his career and save running after women for a while longer, because he has a girlfriend now and I wouldn’t be surprised to hear of his engagement soon.

A is in the US and reminds me the most of my relationship with my brothers, especially Brother #1. I sometimes get frustrated talking to him, but he’s gone through some things and he’s someone I’ll always want the best for. He has a tough guy exterior that hides a good person with a good heart full of good intentions. In some ways he’s the perfect blend of my two brothers.

S is also in Nigeria and is in the 25-27 year range. He charmed me with his enthusiastic first email saying that he wanted us to be friends. I misread his genuine enthusiasm and thought he wanted a piece of me and responded in a way that indicated that. I laugh now at my misguided self confidence, with me being all “You can’t have the Jummy” and he being all “I don’t want the Jummy; get over yourself woman!” His candor in explaining that he had a girlfriend and truly just wanted to be friends made me think he was so cool and I developed an instant crush on his soul. I was charmed by the way he communicated. He’s a computer geek which only increases his appeal.

T is in the 19-22 age range and he’s charming. He lives in France so I practice written French with him. We’ve discussed some pretty serious things and he has a fantastic memory which means I have to be honest with him, lest he catch me in a white lie!

K is a day away from turning 24 and he’s in Bulgaria studying medicine. He contacted me regarding a blog entry I had written elsewhere and wanted some advice for his own situation and now we’re buddies. He’s the one that I have the most teasing, lowkey, effortless rapport with; he’s such a kid.

And this week, another young Nigerian guy contacted me regarding something I had blogged about elsewhere and it’s looking like this will go in the direction the others have gone. I think I need a seventh guy who gives me that playful vibe I can’t get enough of, has the ability to charm me and who doesn’t give me that “older sister” vibe!

Filed under: Friends, Love? by jummy | No Comments »