Christmas and Boxing Day 2011

January 6, 2012

Happy New Year! This entry is a bit late but I hope you had a great Christmas—I did! The family (except for Brother #1) attended a special evening program on Christmas Eve called Stranded. I had a lot to do so after doing some Boxing Day shopping online at my parents’ house (more on that later), I went home instead of sleeping over. Having Christmas fall on a Sunday affected our regular routine because we went to church again, this time for 10:00am, came home and had lunch (well I ate a million of the sugar cookies my sister made and a sausage), then sort of just slothed around until dinner time. We didn’t end up opening presents until after dinner on Christmas Day (much later than usual!).

My main gift was a vacuum from my parents and I’m so excited about it because I wasn’t expecting it at all! I’ve wanted a good vacuum since I moved into my own place, and my trusty Consumer Reports guide ranked the Dy.son brand highest in the category I was interested in. However, one of the H.oover vacuums also ranked high (but at a much more palatable cost), and given that I don’t have any pets, I had settled on a H.oover. My mom works in a department store so she called me earlier in December to inquire about the exact name of the vacuum because her colleague who works in the vacuum section said there would be deals in January and would keep an eye out for a deal on my particular vacuum. It was the plan all along for my mom to buy the vacuum for me using her store discount and money I would give her so I thought nothing of her inquiry. I innocently gave my mom the information and when Brother #1 brought up the gift it didn’t even occur to me that it could be for me or be a vacuum. I am quite thrilled!

(In case you’re curious, the word ‘vacuum’ appeared eight times in the above paragraph. You’re welcome. Also, I’m the easiest person to surprise because I have a terrible memory. never expect someone to think of surprising me. rarely wonder why someone’s asking me things; I just give up all the info they’re seeking—and more—most times!).

Brother #1 was home for Christmas after all and as he requested my siblings and I did not buy him gifts, though we did buy stocking stuffers for him. He also had stocking stuffers for us. Things are still not great between us but I was happy that he was around and I tried to bite my tongue as much as possible when he said things that incensed me or when he blatantly tried to draw attention to himself. I succeeded a bit more than half of the time.

No Christmas blog entry would be complete without a Boxing Day recap (every time I’ve talked about Boxing Day I’ve called it Black Friday, incidentally, except in this entry). I love deals to the point of inconveniencing myself for the bragging rights associated with getting a good deal. It probably is a sickness but I’d like to live with it forever and ever if that’s ok.

After the Christmas Eve service, I hurried to my parents’ house to start my Boxing Day shopping. In case you’re unaware, the two big electronic shops in Canada—B.est Buy and Fu.ture Shop—start Boxing Day sales online on Christmas Eve. Brother #2 and I logged in to our accounts for each of the stores just before 8:00pm and waited for the countdown. Once the time hit and after a few glitches to figure out how the interactive online flyers worked, I had two laptops, a digital camera, a GPS (don’t forget my Twelve by 2012 list!), and an antivirus program divided in a shopping cart for each store, and then I entered the lengthy checkout process. I had learned from Brother #1 two years ago that sometimes after waiting an hour to check out your item, you discover that other people beat you to the item and it’s sold out by the time your checkout process is completed. I therefore decided to “buy” two laptops—one from each retailer—and see which one actually makes it. Just like last year with the netbooks, both went through for me so I’ll return one (after checking the specs to see which is the best bang for my buck, naturally). I couldn’t find the particular GPS recommended by Consumer Reports, so I got one that looked good; I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’m afraid to buy another camera, given my history, but I just don’t carry my DSLR around as much as I would if it could fit into my purse.

After opening gifts on Christmas evening, I started to get jittery and antsy. I needed to be in line somewhere, waiting for the doors to open and the mad dash for Boxing Day deals to begin. So, just after midnight, I called the 24 hours Sho.ppers Dr.ug Ma.rt to see if they were open for Boxing Day already. They didn’t answer the phone until nearly 1am and once I discovered they were opened I dusted off my car, drove over there, bought some things, stopped at my house, made two Christmas cards, then drove back to my parents’ house and was in bed before 3am, with lofty goals of waking up at 6:30am to be among the first to get to Walm.art to take advantage of its sales, starting at 7am. Well I slept through the alarm and woke up an hour later than planned. I brushed my teeth and headed to the store and picked up a few things. I proceeded to shop for the next six hours—I still cannot believe I was out for six hours! From Walm.art I went to Chap.ters, then Mich.aels, then I.KEA, then Sho.ppers Dru.g Mar.t (a different location), then Walm.art (again), then a mall (this drained me: so. many. people!), then Pharm.aPlus, then Sho.ppers Dru.g Mar.t (my third location), then another mall (not as crowded but still draining). Then I crashed at my parents’ house.

I don’t know what it is about Boxing Day and Black Friday that gets my adrenaline pumping. I remember driving into the busy mall and entering a traffic jam just to get into the parking lot and being excited, squealing to my sister (over the phone) that I “love this!” (don’t worry, I have a hands-free phone system in the car).

For the rest of the week I revisited most of the stores I had gone to on Boxing Day and picked up a few extra things. I’m most excited about the Christmas craft supplies that snagged; now I just have to remember to start Christmas crafting in October.

**The story of the pictures of my sister and Brother #2, and my mom and I makes me laugh. My sister was sitting on the stairs and the four of us were talking. All of a sudden, Brother #2 hops on my sister’s lap and the way he hopped on just cracked the rest of us up. What else could I do but snap a picture of it and decide to recreate the same thing with my mom. Luckily my mom is very playful and good-natured so we got our picture too.

2011 in review

January 1, 2012

Happy New Year! I wish you all the best in 2012…hope you have plans to make it the best year you’ve ever lived.

This is my eighth year doing this “year in review” survey. You can check out my responses in previous years if you’d like: 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, and 2010.

01. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Drive my own car, go on a solo road trip.

02. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t know if I made resolutions but I probably did and probably didn’t keep them (as usual). I will absolutely make new resolutions.

03. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, Allison had Noah in September!

04. Did anyone close to you die?
One of my cousins passed away a few months ago and my mom’s cousin passed away a couple of weeks ago, in her sleep. I wasn’t close to either lady, but I last saw my mother’s cousin in 2008 when we visited Nigeria and I thought she was a really nice woman. When we returned to Nigeria in 2010 we dropped by her house but unfortunately she wasn’t at home. Both ladies died young; that’s always a sad thing.

05. What countries did you visit?
USA.

06. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A fiancé.

07. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Maybe July 30, when I bought my car, and August 4 when I picked it up at the dealership.

08. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Buying a car.

09. What was your biggest failure?
Not realizing my blogging goals.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Aside from the nasty burn on my right arm from my Dad’s oven in Hammy, nope (thank God!).

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My car (goodness: we have a strong theme here!).

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My parents and my sister. They were all so supportive of me this year. Also, my sister had some pretty big milestones this year (got out of her dead-end job, got baptized, and got an iPhone) so I’m very proud of her (and yes, getting an iPhone is a milestone because it really has changed her life, just as I predicted it would!).

I also have awesome friends.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Brother #2, a colleague, and the Canadian embassy in Nigeria.

14.Where did most of your money go?
Eating out? The car? My mortgage.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Paying my dad a surprise visit in Hammy.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Someone Like You by Adele.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

    happier or sadder?
    Sadder, but only because this time last year I was pretty lovestruck.

    thinner or fatter?
    I’m quite sure I have more fat cells if I’m not actually larger.

    richer or poorer?
    Poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercising, cooking, learning graphic design, mastering WordPress, praying, having faith, reading (including in particular my bible).

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Eating sugar-laced products (same as last year).

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my family. We opened our gifts after dinner (a first!) on Christmas day, I enjoyed Boxing Day shopping solo, and I slept over at my parents for most of the week after Christmas (this latter part is the same as last year).

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Nope.

22. What was your favourite TV program?
Oprah’s Lifeclass.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nah, though there are a few people that I would like nothing more than a nodding acquaintance with.

24. What was the best book you read?
Hmm, I didn’t read many books cover-to-cover but Crush It by Gary Vaynerchuk was good.

25. Who was your greatest musical discovery?
Adele.

26. What did you want and get?
A car.

27. What did you want and not get?
This fella I like to move here.

28. What was your favourite film of 2011?
Something Borrowed I think.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 32 and went for lunch and dinner with friends the night before, and dinner with my family the day of. I also decided to intentionally celebrate my birthday moving forward.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Having a boyfriend who lived in the same country as me.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
“I wore clothing”.

32. What kept you sane?
My family and friends and remembering to give thanks (same as last year).

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
None. I don’t fancy celebrities or public figures.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
I remain politically apathetic, just like last year (and years previous).

35. Who did you miss?
This fella who’s in Nigeria, K.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
No one comes to mind.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011
I’m still learning this but I think my dad is right when he said I have to make sure that I don’t let setbacks prevent me from continuing to pray and hope for things with all my heart. If I let something that’s important to me slip off my radar as a coping mechanism, I may discover that I’ll successfully trick myself into thinking I don’t actually want it. I do this because I want to protect myself but I need to stop trying to prevent myself from feeling all the emotions that come with wanting something badly, not believing that I can actually have it or that I deserve it, and dealing with the related setbacks that can and will occur on the path to getting my heart’s desire.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
No song lyrics really sum up this year.

- – -

And that’s it for another year! Give this survey a try if you’ve never done it.

On counselling, gift-giving (and receiving)

December 21, 2011

The phone app (will I one day look back on this entry and wonder what an ‘app’ is?) that is supposed to make it easy to update my blog on the go has an annoying glitch where it doesn’t recognize apostrophes. Instead of refusing to blog from my phone, I’ll just be thankful that I get to practice my editing skills.

I had my first counselling session yesterday. The counsellor was exactly what I expected from our phone call last week: an older woman (early 50s I’d say), kind of straightforward, and a little bit “eccentric cat lady”. I did not predict her extensive giraffe collection or the plants that have clearly taken over her home but that’s ok (because I love plants and I happened to notice she has some succulents I may request clippings of…if that doesn’t cross the counsellor-client barrier). I don’t have strong feelings about her in one way or another so I’ll see her again before I decide if I want to continue with her.

What I took away from the session is to give Brother #1 space but always send him love (which I can do without actually interacting with him). I have to also let my parents speak for themselves when Brother #1 is being disrespectful, instead of jumping in and trying to protect my parents. I also have to stop trying to save him from what might be the path he has to go through before coming around: I’m so afraid that if he turns away from us he’ll hit rock bottom and be too proud to reach out for help but maybe that’s what has to happen for him to see that we truly love him and only want the best for him. The counsellor was for me, not him, so I have to focus on what I have to do.

Christmas is here and surprise surprise I’m not ready. I’m really trying not to stress about it because first of all, I hate all the hoopla about gifts. I find gift-giving is more stress than it’s worth most of the time, and the worst part is that I get stressed about other people’s gift-giving! For example, I ran into my mom at the store this week: I had no idea she was at that mall or in that particular store. She was there buying a gift for her friend whose birthday is on Christmas Eve. My mom had picked a calendar and a book and was ready to pay for them. I proceeded to scrutinize her choices and wonder aloud if her friend would like these offerings. My mom was not at all bothered: she said that she picked what she wanted for her friend and if her friend didn’t like them she could exchange the gifts for something else. I love my mom’s approach to gift-giving: once she’s decided what she wants to get for someone and buys it, she doesn’t spend an extra second agonizing over whether or not the person will like the gift (though she does sometimes stress over Christmas gifts for immediate family members though!).

I’m not as secure as she is, sadly, and that’s why I’ve tried to eliminate gift-giving and receiving opportunities from my life as much as possible. Anyone who gives me a gift this year will receive an expression of appreciation and likely nothing more. I’ve always hated that “you-gave-me-a-gift-so-I-feel-obliged-to-give-you-a-gift” feeling that is so prevalent in today’s society. I figure if someone gives me a gift and they’re irate that all they received from me was a thank you, then a) their heart wasn’t in the right place when giving the gift in the first place and b) they won’t give me a gift next year, so gift-related awkwardness is gone.

And isn’t it just like me to showcase two sweet ornaments that I received from my friend Gen at my Christmas fête in an entry about my Scrooge-like approach to gift-giving? My point is once shopping for a gift progresses to a stressful affair due to not being able to figure out what to buy, then it’s not cool.

Tough times

December 13, 2011

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever, if it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.

The only person you can change is you.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

Brother #1 and I have not been getting along for years. We clash regularly and although I’m older by seven years, my so-called maturity doesn’t show when fighting with him. I almost always apologize to him after our fights, not because my point isn’t valid but because of the way I tried to make my point, because I resorted to yelling and screaming. He has never dignified my apologies with a response.

Until today, I didn’t realize that as far as he’s concerned, we have been in the middle of one big fight for all these years. I try not to hold grudges as a general philosophy, and when we’re not fighting I always thought things were fine between us because I didn’t sense any tension. Of course I realized that our fights touched on the same themes, but I really didn’t think things between us were that bad, to the point where he wants nothing to do with me. He’s told me before that he doesn’t care for me, that I’m nothing to him, even that he hates me, but I thought they were words spoken in anger. Maybe they are, but what I realized as I responded to his text message today is that I had reached my limit too: my heart is broken that he does not care for me as his sister, as a human, even though I’d die for him. But I don’t have to fix him; I can’t fix him (I’ve tried in different ways over the years to reach out to him). My job now is to do what I need to do to fix me.

I hate the feeling of being estranged from people, especially if I didn’t do anything to cause it. I hate the feeling that someone hates me “just because”, but I have to accept that this happens and I cannot control it. My family is incredibly close, but over the years Brother #1 has made it clear that he does not want to be close to us and that’s painful. He makes an effort to miss milestones of family members. He’s one sixth of our family and always will be, but he wants out. He’s decided the other family members are bearable in small doses but he’s made sure to let me know that I’m the one he has the least use for. That hurts.

But this experience is not at all unique: lots of families deal with estrangement. In my reply to his text message, I told him I’ll honour his desire to no longer interact. Maybe this tactic will work, maybe it won’t, but right now I have to try to take the focus off fixing him and turn my attention to myself and my flaws. My hope is that with the professional help I’m seeking, I’ll learn how to interact with my family, including Brother #1, without feeling sick to my stomach about our non-relationship. I know that good things will come from this move to seek help. I’ll pray too that things change between us for the better, but I’m looking forward to learning how to find some peace or sense of “okayness”, even if things remain like this.