I did some light housecleaning in an attempt to make my house look less like a junkheap. I know I have mentioned my packrat/clutterbug ways before. My clutter is so bad that twice now I have refused to answer the doorbell for fear that I’d have someone at my door that might actually expect to be let into my house, which would lead to them seeing my house for the natural disaster it is and cause them to immediately judge me. I wouldn’t blame them if they did though: I’m really a mess.

The first doorbell ring I ignored was Allison, but to be fair it was more than the state of my house that kept me from answering the door: I had just gotten home from our camping trip and I was boiling hot so I had removed all my clothing except my knickers and hiked my skirt up under my armpits (I’m not the only one who does this am I? Also: do not try to create a mental image). Needless to say, I was not dressed for company.

Allison left lovely flowers at my door. Today I got nothing.

My entries have been so uninspired and lacklustre. I have no excuses except that they reflect my rather lacklustre life. I make my life what it is so I can only say it’s my own lethargy that is to blame.

When I was exercising more regularly, I came up with rewards for reaching certain milestones, things like getting my eyebrows threaded (like waxing only better?), getting fitted for contact lenses so that they really are as good as wearing glasses, getting a pedicure, but I’ve decided that I deserve these rewards now. My eyebrows constantly make me want to weep and although I love my glasses, I also like how I look without them, and on sunny days I’d like to be able to wear sunglasses and be able to see (I don’t have prescription sunglasses, y’see). I also have a teeth whitening kit I need to try out too. My plan tomorrow is to make appointments to take care of my eyes and eyebrows.

I’ll be starting a Learn to Run program with my colleague in late July. It’s a 10-week program that’ll bring us right to the end of September, when I may or may not be going on a trip (more info when things are confirmed). My hope is that if I keep this up I’ll be able to shed some pounds and this may have the effect of making me want to do my workout dvds more regularly for strength training purposes (guess who’s fallen off the workout wagon again?). I haven’t run in a very long time so I’m a bit afraid but it’s a learn to run program so I should be ok.

I went for dinner with a friend a couple of days ago. She knows what it’s like to carry some extra weight so we can talk up a storm on weight-related issues. The question I asked her is how would it feel not to have the weight thing always rattling around in your head, especially when potential relationships are concerned. For me, when I’m doing the online dating thing, I feel it’s my absolute duty to communicate the fact that I’m plus-sized to any potential dates, and I probably go overboard in this. Until I meet the guy in person (and even after I meet him), I’m all worked up about how he will react to my weight—not to my annoying laugh or lack of coherence when talking—but to my size. The obsession is annoying, even to me. My friend said I’d probably obsess about something else if it wasn’t the weight and she’s probably right, but still, I wonder.

I’m trying to figure out what I can do to be a little patriotic today. Canada is a wonderful country and it deserves to be celebrated, even though we’re being hit with a tax increase on some things, effective today. Boo on the HST!

Dinner was chicken parmesan, caesar salad and garlic bread, and we let D.airy Queen take care of dessert.

My sister and Brother #2 slept over (Brother #1 wasn’t very sold on the idea of hanging out with us to begin with, but he was also working at the crack of dawn the following day). The best thing about having family sleeping over is you can head to bed before your guests do, which is exactly what I did.

We woke up, watched Nigeria’s first football (soccer) game in the World Cup and enjoyed pancakes, bacon and eggs for brunch.

Everyone had a good time and they want to do it again. My goal is to play hostess to them in this particular way every other month. It’ll give me a chance to try new recipes and help us transition our relationship into an adult one.

***

I turned 31 five days ago and 31 feels a lot like 30. The year went by quickly, but at the same time it feels like a long time since I showed up woefully late for my 30th birthday dinner. I didn’t have any plans in mind and at first I was going to try and get something organized but then the day passed and it just didn’t feel like it was worth the hassle. I’m beyond thankful to have made it to 31 and I guess I’m happy celebrating in a lowkey way. Gone are days of dinner out followed by clubbing. Woe!

***

I didn’t exactly sit at home on my birthday though: Brother #2 had his graduation ceremony in the morning (my mom, sister and I hollered when they called his name; it’s tradition). My baby brother is growing up. It’s just amazing to see my younger siblings grow into adults (selfish and disrespectful at times). Anyway, I didn’t spend too much time mulling over that because my sister and I left to go camping with friends right after the graduation. We had a good time. The usual tensions that come up when six adults with different ideas on a number of topics have to work together came up.

***

I managed to kill this beautiful hibiscus plant. I’m really sad about it and I can’t figure out how it went from a beautiful and vibrant plant to a half dead and sad-looking plant but I’m hoping the fresh soil and plant food I’ve given it will do some good. So much for being a green thumb!

***

Last but not least, there was an earthquake in our city today! The epicentre of the magnitude 5.0 quake (I sound like a news reporter) was about 70km from our city. I was at work when the earthquake happened and we definitely felt it. I got my workout running down 13 flights of stairs to evacuate the building. At first we were the only office in the building running down the stairs but by the time I got to the ninth floor, people started joining us in the stairwell, which increased my speed. Luckily all went well and we eventually returned to our office. Of course it all felt very anticlimactic after that.

And that’s where I’ll close this very mundane entry.

Something that never fails to get me riled up is seeing what I perceive as less than ideal relationships. If I see a couple where one seems to be taking advantage of the other, or where there seems to be little affection, talk less love, I become disturbed and feel obligated to discuss the situation with R and V ad nauseum, and my mother and sister will eventually hear of it too. Particularly dear to my heart are women who, due in some cases to past relationships or experiences, forget that by simply being a human, they are worthy of respect. I’m not talking about grand gestures of adoration or anything but just being treated nicely. Women who sacrifice their true feelings and desires on the altar of “I don’t want to rock the boat”, “I want him to think I’m easy-going”, “It’s not a big deal in the long-run” every time upset me, and I can spend long hours discussing this with anyone who is awakearound, even people I’m meeting for the first time, as evidenced by the dinner conversation I launched into last night.

While R and V will let me rant, and offer some advice on not letting it get to me, my mother’s reaction has always been to tell me to focus on myself and let others deal with their own situations (as they will do anyway, with or without my commentary or intervention). Instead of worrying about whether a friend’s guy loves her the way she loves him, rather than wondering when another friend’s boyfriend of three years will propose, or how my big-spending friend will pay next month’s bills, I should be fixing my attention on me and the realization of my own dreams. In Nigeria they have an expression that says something equivalent to “Don’t take tylenol for someone else’s headache” and I’ve been wanting to work that into an entry for a while now and isn’t this just perfect? I am constantly medicating myself for other people’s ailments!

I don’t really have a point other than I have to stop getting so worked up over other people’s lives. Yes, people I care about will do things that I don’t advise, but that doesn’t always mean it’s my job to leap in, guns blazing, ready to show them the error of their ways (a temptation I face regularly). I still prefer my personality in this respect to that of people who can so easily divorce themselves from difficult, touchy or tense situations the people they are closest to are going through. Although I think I know so much about everything, including things I’ve never personally experienced, observing a situation and being in one are two completely different things.

Earlier last week, I wanted to burn all the contents of my closet and start over again. A part of me thought “Well, given your plans to lose weight, it’ll be silly to buy a whole new wardrobe at this stage”, but I am so annoyed with my so-called “look” that I was ready to blow tons of money on clothes.

So on Good Friday I went to the Quebec side (since stores in my area were closed) and checked out two of the three stores that cater to plus-sized women. And left both stores empty handed. I was tempted to buy accessories (those always fit!) but I have so many of them that I rarely use. I really wanted a spring jacket but unfortunately, that was a bust too.

I want a seamstress to take all my clothing and make it fit me like a glove. I still want Stacy and Clinton to make me their Canadian case, because God knows I could use it.

So what is the point of this entry? I want to whine about how I have nothing to wear and how I feel like I look like ick every day and I hate going out for drinks after work because everyone always looks so darn chic while I dress like an old granny. Ok, it’s not the going out for drinks I hate, but the facing people who look like they dressed with “looking good” in mind.

Maybe I’m whiny because I’m not ready for the long weekend to be over! Boo!

However, like all things in life, it would seem I’m still learning or unschooled in some areas related to driving.

For example, I:

• use the side view mirrors to make sure I’m between the lines on the road and for no other reason.
• just discovered how to turn on my high beams a week ago, and learned that at night, I had been using my head lamps as high beams (and therefore driving without the latter on a lot of the time). (I’m probably using the wrong terminology.)
• don’t understand the point of doing a left shoulder check as I don’t feel I can see anything that would help with my driving (I still do it though).
• never use the parking brake, and often drive with it on if using the car after my father (who is rather fond of using parking brakes, especially in icy weather). We’ve all done it right? *Ahem*
• usually drive up to 10km/hour above the speed limit after a friend told me the cops won’t pull you over for driving 10km/hour or less above the posted limit. I may have just been lucky all this time but “Take that!” anyone who thnks I don’t live dangerously!
• lift my foot off the brake as the opposite light is turning red because when my light turns green I want to be the first one to take off.

There’s no way I’m alone in this…anyone want to confess?

One thing that the Olympics have reminded me of is that we all have a story. It’s easy to forget that some of these incredible athletes are humans with pesky younger siblings too. When you see attractive, fit athletes posing for pictures and beaming, it’s easy to think that their road to this success has been relatively smooth.

But as Canada has introduced us to its medal hopefuls, we’ve met people like Alexandre Bilodeau, who won the first gold medal that Canada has ever won on home soil, whose story of the strength that he has drawn from his older brother who has cerebral palsy brought me to tears on more than one occasion. And more recently, hearing of the passing of Joannie Rochette’s mother upon her arrival in Vancouver to watch her daughter compete, and hearing that Joannie has decided to compete as it’s what her mother would have wanted, really touched me. These are the more striking stories, but there is no athlete that has been featured on the many many news reports whose life doesn’t have an interesting tidbit to share with the world.

And it’s true of us all. We may never win a medal or get on television, but that doesn’t diminish the value of our lives and the stories that we have. For at least a decade, my father has been saying that he’s going to write his story. I have actually always thought my parents have an amazing story so it’ll be my honour to be part of that process. I may even spearhead it!

We immigrated to Canada and I vaguely remember coming to a new country and all that involved. I think that’s why this Tim Horton’s commercial is so touching to me.

There is a lot more Olympics viewing in my future this week and I’m looking forward to catching the ice dancing finals and even some hockey. I know: I don’t recognize me either!

I’m exhausted. I fall asleep within 30 seconds of my head hitting the pillow. I’m also out of my iron pills (I think there a correlation). I am really looking forward to this long weekend (thank God for Family Day).

On my mind this past week:

Poisonous folk
In my life these tend to be women, and they seem to go out of their way to say something to make me feel bad, either about myself or about a situation. These women are masters of the backhanded compliment. I am a generally positive person, meaning I try to look at the bright side (though I will blog when I’m feeling bad or blue). Unfortunately, I also have a very expressive face, so if you say something meant to make me feel bad, you will see that on my face, even if only for a moment, before I put a positive spin on it. But it’s sad that there are people out there who enjoy doing that. I’m not trying to be deliberately vague but it would serve no purpose to name names. If you feel like you have a tendency to be like this, I’d encourage you to work on it!

Thankfully I know some really positive people who have the opposite outlook on life…they know who they are!

Generosity
I want to be more generous, and I know I’ve probably mentioned it before. I want to be the kind of person who gives for no reason. I’m happy to say I have the whole “giving without expecting anything in return” bit down pat, but I need to GIVE MORE and DO MORE. My dad always says that sharing is really sharing when you don’t have enough: if you have a dozen cookies and you give someone a few of them, great, you are sharing, but when it’s one cookie and you’re both hungry and you split it, that’s a bit more meaningful because in the first case, you’re giving out of your excess, while in the second you’re genuinely inconveniencing yourself. Both are still sharing, but I would be more touched by someone sharing when it’s not comfortable or convenient for them to do so. I am looking for opportunities to brighten someone’s day by showing generosity; it doesn’t have to be monetarily or with material goods.

(While we’re on the topic, please consider giving to support the Haiti relief and rescue efforts.)

Communication
I don’t seem to want to talk on the phone as much as I used to. It will always be a main mode of communication for me (well, until people can start reading my thoughts), but it takes me a good week or two to either make a call or return a call, which is not like me at all. I don’t know why this has changed, or what I’m doing instead of calling, but this seems to be a new me. I did recently get a most heinous phone bill ($133 and some change, when my usual bill is $60) and I was grumpy about that for a good day, but I don’t think that’s the reason I’m suddenly phone-averse. Maybe 2010 is meant to be the year of a quieter Jummy?

I have a friend who I just have to think about calling and she calls me. It’s such a fool proof method that I have to be careful how I use these super powers I possess.

It’s a random kind of day. I have a dozen errands to run but I’m tempted to hop back in bed instead. I have a KitchenAid stand mixer that wants to be christened too (so I can return it if it fails to make my every dream come true) and library books to return. I better git!

The tree smells less musty now, and it may not be tossed in the trash after Christmas after all (especially since I read that on the real versus artificial tree debate, real trees are better for the environment due to the length of time artificial trees require to break down in landfills).

But to get back to the title of this entry: as I was washing the tools of my handiwork after a particularly productive day of baking, I started thinking of the things I’ve learned, some which I have actively acknowledged and recall learning, and others that came to mind only after thinking about it:

╣Wanting to do something very badly but not doing it is exactly the same as not doing it.

╣Other people should be allowed to live their lives the way they want, just as I’m allowed to live my life the way I see fit to.

╣Topics that are none of my business include how others raise their children, spend their money or relate to their families.

╣Sugar really does make my menstrual cramps worse.

╣I really don’t know much about the right guy for me besides the qualities/habits that will be deal breakers. I do know the man I end up with will have qualities that I never thought of: some of these qualities will drive me nuts and others will endear him to me even more.

╣If you have not done your part to find a solution to a problem when you could have, you have no real right to complain.

╣Staying up late because you don’t feel tired will always come back to bite you in the butt.

╣Learning to work smarter rather than harder or longer is the key to promotion in the workplace.

╣Multitasking makes me less productive.

╣11-7pm would be the best work schedule to maximize my productivity.

╣Looking or dressing shabbily is a form of abuse against one’s self.

╣My first instinct is usually right.

But let me share today’s tale of faux woe (some trivia: I have used that expression in two other entries).

(I just took a thirty minute break during which I checked to see if http://fauxwoe.com was available (buying domains to me is like buying shoes for many women), then tried to find the best price for the domain before registering it. And now I’m in the midst of preparing a very late but bound-to-be-delicious meal of chicken parmigiana.)

A month ago, my father (who prefers not to procrastinate) told me to take the car to a garage to get winter tires put on it. After several reminders I called Walmart’s automotive department and the soonest appointment at that time was for November 23, which I thought was too late. I decided I’d try walking in (driving in?) to see if I could snag the first appointment of the next morning. At least eight people had the same idea so I decided I’d go to another garage.

But then it didn’t snow, so I became complacent. But then with December around the corner I decided to call for an appointment and of course my November 23 appointment was taken. The new appointment date was for today, December 7. And thank God I got that date because last night it began snowing, and this snow had the nerve to accumulate on the roads and lawns in my area.

I showed up at 8:56am for my 9:00am appointment(!!) and dropped the car off. The man running the desk wanted to know if I was planning to wait for the car or if I’d pick it up after work. I lied and said the former, just so they wouldn’t delay my appointment, and went off to work. I called before leaving work at the end of the day, only to find out that although Walmart is open 24 hours, the automotive department is only open until 5pm on Mondays, so I’d have to pick the car up tomorrow. Argh!

I headed home and spent my usual 30+ minutes trying to decide what to have for dinner. My thought processes were interrupted by a call from Walmart’s automotive department, telling me that the car was ready to be picked up! “But I called you 2.5 hours ago to pick it up and was told you closed at 5pm,” I grumbled. The fellow on the phone told me they had decided to stay open longer (probably because of the first snow), but they’d be closing in 25 minutes. Walmart is approximately 20 minutes away by foot, but it was snowy and I don’t have winter boots (I wore my dad’s boots last year, if you recall) so I wasn’t sure if I could make it. But the fellow offered to leave the keys and the bill with customer service, in the section of the store that’s open 24 hours, so I put on my layers and my least slippery shoes and headed to the ‘mart.

With my ipod most of the walk was a breeze.

I collected the keys without incident, spoke up when the cashier failed to ask me to pay the bill, and headed to the grocery store, with the hope of finding dinner inspiration. I bought chicken AND beef, but tonight I settled on Chicken Parmigiana.

I’m just finishing if off now and it was delicious!