I am almost 32.5 years old and I think the last half of my 32nd year will end up being significant with regard to becoming the person I want to be while accepting myself for who I am. I’ve made strides already (loving my body more and more each day!) but I have more to do. I want my life to reflect my belief system (in God, Christianity) and I want to have a deep-down sense that I am living my life the way it’s supposed to be. For me, that’ll mean connecting to God, and part of that involves listening to my inner voice and acting on my beliefs. Finding a church I feel more connected to last year, and tuning in to Oprah’s Lifeclass series have been helpful to me so far.

My practical game plan involves daily homework in the sense of praying and reading my bible, asking myself questions about what I want in various areas of my life, and DOING stuff to make this happen. In the past I have had trouble DOING, but no more! My life is a gift and my time on earth is limited. Every time I think of that I’m inspired to act. I haven’t been making the best use of the time I’ve been given, so in my “baby steps” fashion, I’m doing small things. I finally sent an email to the dealership I bought my car from, an email that I’ve had drafted for weeks but had trouble sending because I was nervous about how the salesman I dealt with would react if he’s asked about what I said about him. I have other baby steps to take, like calling my tv cable provider to let them know that I haven’t received a service I’ve paying for since I last called them about this, back in April or May, and I plan to do that today. There are lots of other little things that might read as a simple to do list to some, but the fact that I’ve put off doing them for so long and for no valid (well no longer valid reason) reason means I’ve given them way more power in my life than they should have and to be honest I don’t need any little things dragging me down.

A really important part of becoming who I am meant to be is being strong enough to say no to those things that don’t mesh with my vision of who I am. This will mean I have to stop spending so much time on things or people that aren’t propelling me in the direction I want to go. It may sound kind of cold but when I think about people who get things done and who appear to be doing a good job of reaching their potential, they don’t spend so much time on things that are contrary to their belief system or their goals. If you want to get things done you must (at least at times) cut out the distractions and focus on what you’re doing. I’m ready to do this, finally.

The author of one of the prettiest blogs out there, Oh Hello Friend, encouraged those who are willing to join her Twelve before 2012 challenge. She started it because the whole 101 things in 1001 days challenge was too long a time period for her to fully wrap her head around. My 30 by 30 list (just now renamed 30 by 30 something) was poorly constructed I realize, since a lot of the things on the list didn’t have rigid enough boundaries to them to make them easy to gauge completion. This in turn has made me feel like a failure. So by renaming my list I’ve given myself more time, and I will also need to rewrite some of the things on the list to make them easier to measure. I’m also joining the Twelve by 2012 list and pledging to get some things done!

1. buy winter tires for my car
2. increase my mortgage payments (by making an extra payment for the year or seeing if I can have more added to the bi-weekly payments)
3. increase my car payments (by making an extra payment for the year or seeing if I can have more added to the bi-weekly payments)
4. buy a GPS system
5. send out a save the date email or invitations to a Christmas party/gingerbread party/cookie exchange party (can’t decide) at my house Done October 29 via Facebook…the Christmas fête event will be on December 3!
6. email the builder of my house regarding getting touch up paint (I was supposed to follow up on this a year ago…they may not give it to me anymore!) Done October 26…now to wait for the response!
7. find a pretty way to mask the visible electrical cords behind my tv
8. return the three huge cases of water sitting by my doorstep to the store I bought them from Done November 3 thanks to Ves
9. host the regular Friday night gathering with my friends
10. call the church back about the volunteering opportunity that I signed up for
11. hang curtains in the living room and my bedroom (at least)
12. develop a WordPress theme for my GNG blog

…or finishing my first 5K!

At first, I wasn’t going to get myself a prize because I had already bought the Superhero necklace, but last Friday I went window shopping with coworkers and I found this pendant almost immediately:

I am always doodling daisy-type flowers so this pendant appealed to me right away. I resisted, and looked around at the rest of the store’s offerings. Then I returned to the pendant and one coworker said I should ask to see it. I did, saw how lovely it was, was told that it was sterling silver and I was sold!

I hope I hit another milestone soon!

And now it has arrived!

I started reading Andrea’s blog a couple of years ago and at first, it’s hard to see what I would have in common with a healthy food eatin’, yoga doin’, dealing with infertility, photographin’ California babe, who’s artsy and creative to the max (her delicious looking superhero bead necklaces caught my eye of course). I mean sure I enjoy doing creative things, but being motivated and creating something original has never been my forte. Nevertheless, I found myself drawn to her blog because despite our differences, she has a way of writing about things that draws you in. You get touched, challenged and she makes you think deep. I like that.

So, when she announced her new necklace, and I saw that it was simple, lightweight and silver, I was sold. I wanted something that I could wear everyday, something that would inspire me to think like a superhero, to challenge myself to try new things, believe in myself and dream big. Back in October, Andrea asked a question on her blog that caught my attention. She may not be the first to ask it, but it was the first time I thought about it: What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

The answer I left as a comment was

Lose 100lbs. Fall in love. Follow my passion (once I’ve discovered it).

Very thought provoking question-thank you!

I imagine that once you’ve determined what you would do if you couldn’t fail, you’re supposed to go and do it! I’m sort of still working on that (big surprise!). There are other things that I can add to this list of course, things that I have blogged about many times before:

• run a full 5K, no matter how painful it is (with no walking!)
• buy a house
• buy a car
• give online dating a real go, by contacting fellows with interesting profiles instead of waiting for them to contact me
• give my blog ideas a true chance, instead of assuming that someone else is doing it better than I ever could and not even trying

Perhaps slipping this necklace on in the mornings will be a way to remind me of my goals and dreams and give me that extra push to accomplish them!

(On a funny note, when I saw the model’s long slender neck and looked at my own substantial neck, I immediately left a comment on Andrea’s blog, inquiring whether she has a chain option for what I called “huskier” necks. She was so sweet in her reply and told me she had just the length of chain that should work for me. As you can see above, she did!)

One is going to be a list of 30 things that I want to accomplish by the time I’m 30 years of age (for the record: I am a year and 35 days away from this blessed day). I really hope to get out of my shell of inactivity and laziness and really start moving on things that I should have done years ago. I cannot enter my third decade of life and feel like nothing has changed, because, quite frankly, that might be the death of me.

Then I’d like to expand the 30 by 30 list and take the 101 in 1001 challenge: 101 things in 1001 days. I think the hardest thing will be coming up with 101 things but once that hurdle is crossed, actually make these goals happen will be the next thing to trip me up. I’m just wondering if it’s cheating to put something that you’ve already planned to do on the list, you know, such as run/walk a 5K race.

I hope not because if it is then most of my other long term goals would not apply. I can’t wait to post my lists and share my adventures in accomplishing them!

On a morbid note: does anyone ever wonder if they dropped dead how their blog would be shut down or how news of your demise would be communicated? Would people just think you got bored of blogging and quit, like that? It seems sad that readers and friends you’ve made would never know what happened to you, especially if you blogged under a pseudonym.

(Um, yeah, sorry for that touch of morbidness.)

I can’t believe you’re gone.  Is it possible that the younger cousin whose faith in God inspired me will no longer send me emails that include mention of this faith?  I will never again hear from you by email, asking me to join a new forum that you have created, or asking if I can send you the latest gadget?

You were a young man with a dream:  although I was your older cousin by some years, I still saw many qualities in you to admire–you had a vision you were working tirelessly (literally 24 hours a day) to accomplish.  You wrote about your country, a country where many of its youth have become without hope and ready to give up, where many are finding other ways to get what they want, no matter how many rules they break, or how many others they destroy on the way.  You were a shining example of what hard work and perseverance would get you, in time.

But you didn’t get to see the fruits of your labour, and for that I am very sorry.  To your sisters who will never see their brother grow up and live out his full potential, I grieve.  For your mom and dad, who only wanted the best for you, who never wanted to bury their child, I am heartbroken.

You will never know it but we, your sisters and brothers here and your mom and dad here cry for you.  We love you deeply and pray that you are at peace.  I am so very sorry that an entry about you has to come at such a sad time.  You used to read this blog occasionally, and left one comment.  And in typical you fashion, it was on the entry on my father’s birthday last year: 

To me he’s an inspiration that show’s me nothing is impossible to achieve to them that belief in God.

Am particularly grateful to God for his life.

May God continue to renew him and all that pertain to him.

Igba odun odun kan ni, in Jesus name.

Joseph

I hope that I don’t have to tell you that my father considered you a son.  I am so glad you were able to see my parents this past November, and you will be happy to know they were so proud of the business you were working so hard to build, and touched by your generosity and kindness during their visit, although you had so little yourself.

Rest in peace, Joseph.  You will not be forgotten.

With love,

Jummy

which are two sides of the same necklace, and  

(the dark dots are actually bronze-y, sparkly stones).  Aren’t they pretty?

These are from Foxy Originals, a jewelry site that I discovered last year while I was volunteering at Bluesfest.  A girl I sold beer to had on the first necklace and when I commented on it, she showed me that it was reversible and told me where to get it.  I always planned to get myself some jewelry the place, but in my usual procrastinating way, I didn’t.  That didn’t stop me from promoting the site to a few people including my friend Ves, who was listening and managed to completely surprise me these necklaces!  They are really beautiful and I can’t wait to funkify my life with them.

I received a third necklace from Rich and Ves but it wasn’t exactly what we thought it would be so I’m exchanging it for the Soho necklace. 

Both Ves and Rich like to get me gifts that I’ll love, that no one else has thought of and they totally suceeded.  I have to laugh at Ves though:  after dinner she took my dishes out of my hand and said “it’s time!” with such glee that I can imagine what she was like on Christmas morning as a child!  In her eagerness to make sure I liked my gifts, I was lucky she let me open the gifts myself! ;) (although, we found out that Foxy Originals’ return and exchange time period is extremely short so it was fortuitous that they did not wait until my birthday to give the gifts to me)!

Needless to say, I feel pretty spoiled and I’m loving it!  Thanks Rich and Ves!

I realized that there was a hole in each sock I was wearing and while rummaging through my purse (which also contains my name tag for the part time job and enough wetnaps to clean many sticky hands), I discovered a pair of my basic black socks.  I don’t know if I purposely put them in there, or whether they fell in during my brief and ineffective room cleaning and clothing control attempt over the weekend, but holey socks are now in the garbage and my feet are completely clad in hole-free socks.

You may not have noticed (ha!) but I’ve become boringly boy-preoccupied again.  Yes, Jummy wants a boyfriend, no, Jummy isn’t fully ready to enter the world of online dating, or partake in the activities being offered by this group in her city so why is she complaining?  BEATS ME.  You might want to tell her, as one e-friend did, that  “maybe you should actually DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!” (yes the caps were included).  He’s right of course.  For someone who is apparently independent, I sure whine a lot over the perceived injustices of my life and my inability to change it (them).  “Everyone else gets picked up at a bar by super decent, non-grabby men, why can’t I?”, I’ll moan, or “Everyone else  has had several serious relationships by this age”, I’ll wail, as if when I entered this world I was promised these things and God hasn’t delivered on them.

New plan:  to be the heroine of my own life and not the victim [cue:  Whitney Houston’s The Greatest Love of All:  Learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all…. Blah.

Another customer who had been in the periphery of my vision piped up after the lukewarm customer left and started enthusing about how wonderful running was and how she had been running for about seven years.  I wouldn’t have guessed she was a runner but it wasn’t until she gestured toward her now obviously pregnant belly [36 weeks along, don't you know] that it made sense.  She was an enthusiastic runner, telling my coworker and I how we must give it a try and giving us names of good shoe stores and recommending quite highly the Running Room‘s clinics on learning to run.

She credited running with many things:  she started running after her fiancé broke their engagement and she was seeking something to increase her confidence in herself.  She has gone on to meet some of her best friends through running, gained confidence and seven years later is with a different man and is expecting her first child.  I’m sure that next she’ll win the lottery and become prime minister, all because she started running!  She did dispel some rumours though and admitted that running  hasn’t led to much weight loss for her but she’s still addicted.  She is probably about a size 11-13 when she’s not pregnant and that’s a nice healthy size to me.

After she left, another customer approached the cash register and I asked her if she was a runner since she had been listening avidly to our conversation.  She was too, but she took up running five years earlier after her divorce because she wanted a new beginning.  She quit smoking too.  Rather interesting that the end of a relationship triggered both enthusiastic runners, isn’t it?

Three women at my work are avid runners, run three times a week and are always trying to recruit more of us to join them.  I don’t have delusions in that direction, however: they are the scary hardcore runners who run in all sorts of weather and would rather run than eat sweets or sleep [imagine!!].  The full extent of my running consists of running for the bus.  If I could expand that to being able to run for 30 minutes or so at a time without clutching my chest and keeling over, or cursing, I’d be satisfied.  That isn’t too much to ask, is it?

Before I rush to the Running Room and sign up (it’s a short walk from my office), I’m going to go to the shoe store and see how much proper running shoes are selling for.  You’d think that a sport that doesn’t require any equipment would be inexpensive, but I’m afraid that the super wide running shoes that I’ll need will leave me destitute.  With my flightiness and my innate ability to resist anything healthy, I don’t have the wherewithal blow hundreds of dollars on shoes that will just sit there, glaring at me accusingly and cursing their uselessness.

So I’m inspired, but tentatively so.  My inspiration is known to be fleeting.  I can’t deny that Zoot is responsible for bringing the idea of running back into my head.  My mind is still boggled at how quickly she seemed to fall in love with running, and graduate to running half marathons!  Imagine!

Edited to add: My trip to the dollar store this lunch hour took me past the Running Room and they have walking clinics too so maybe I will learn to walk before I run.  It only makes sense.

The mom is a floral designer and a very artistic/creative person in general, and she has decided to open a flower store where she would also have art for sale.  I imagine a very clean store that would be reminiscent of Ikea: wood and green and wicker, with a very clean look to it.  And everything will look fabulous and like it took fifty hours to create.

She did the flowers for her daughter’s wedding last year, and they were so lovely!  I’m looking forward to seeing the store and I’ll put up the link to the site address when it’s up and running, which should be in less than a month!