I didn’t cross every item off my Twelve by 2012 list, but I’m satisfied with my progress. I know if I hadn’t joined the challenge none of these things would have been accomplished in 2011 because I would have just procrastinated on them (and in many cases I did procrastinate, but I got them done just barely on time!).

What I did:

• buy winter tires for my car Done December 23, after weeks of my dad reminding/nagging me. I resent the almost $600 spent, but appreciate the increased comfort I feel driving on icy/snowy roads!
• increase my car payments (by making an extra payment for the year or seeing if I can have more added to the bi-weekly payments) Done December 30 (I increased my bi-weekly payments by 21%).
• buy a GPS system Done December 24 on the early Boxing Day sales online.
• send out a save the date email or invitations to a Christmas party/gingerbread party/cookie exchange party (can’t decide) at my house Done October 29 via Facebook…the Christmas fête event was held on December 3!
• email the builder of my house regarding getting touch up paint (I was supposed to follow up on this a year ago…they may not give it to me anymore!) Done October 26. They can’t give it to me anymore because they no longer use paint from that particular supplier…or so they said. I think they’re just mean, to be honest.
• return the three huge cases of water sitting by my doorstep to the store I bought them from Done November 3 thanks to Ves
• host the regular Friday night gathering with my friends Done December 30, on the last possible Friday of the year (of course!). We ordered in food and had a very chill time. I need to do this more often.

What I still need to do (maybe):

• increase my mortgage payments (by making an extra payment for the year or seeing if I can have more added to the bi-weekly payments)

  I need to first check to see if the conditions of my mortgage allow me to make extra payments, and I think I have to search my paperwork for that.

• find a pretty way to mask the visible electrical cords behind my tv

  I don’t think I’m going to find something pretty that doesn’t look weird, unless I get one of those big wall units for the cords to hide behind so I might take this off the list.

• call the church back about the volunteering opportunity that I signed up for

  They actually called me back this year, then I called them back and sent them an email. Now they’re waiting for an email from me, telling them about myself. Figuring out what I to put into the email is making me procrastinate on drafting it.

• hang curtains in the living room and my bedroom (at least)

  I just don’t care enough to make this a priority, and I don’t really want to put any holes in my walls. At almost three years old it’s not a new house anymore but I’m still babying it, apparently!

• develop a WordPress theme for my GNG blog

  It didn’t happen last year but it will this year. I feel very close to a breakthrough on this front.

I want to get these things done by March 31, 2012.

I am almost 32.5 years old and I think the last half of my 32nd year will end up being significant with regard to becoming the person I want to be while accepting myself for who I am. I’ve made strides already (loving my body more and more each day!) but I have more to do. I want my life to reflect my belief system (in God, Christianity) and I want to have a deep-down sense that I am living my life the way it’s supposed to be. For me, that’ll mean connecting to God, and part of that involves listening to my inner voice and acting on my beliefs. Finding a church I feel more connected to last year, and tuning in to Oprah’s Lifeclass series have been helpful to me so far.

My practical game plan involves daily homework in the sense of praying and reading my bible, asking myself questions about what I want in various areas of my life, and DOING stuff to make this happen. In the past I have had trouble DOING, but no more! My life is a gift and my time on earth is limited. Every time I think of that I’m inspired to act. I haven’t been making the best use of the time I’ve been given, so in my “baby steps” fashion, I’m doing small things. I finally sent an email to the dealership I bought my car from, an email that I’ve had drafted for weeks but had trouble sending because I was nervous about how the salesman I dealt with would react if he’s asked about what I said about him. I have other baby steps to take, like calling my tv cable provider to let them know that I haven’t received a service I’ve paying for since I last called them about this, back in April or May, and I plan to do that today. There are lots of other little things that might read as a simple to do list to some, but the fact that I’ve put off doing them for so long and for no valid (well no longer valid reason) reason means I’ve given them way more power in my life than they should have and to be honest I don’t need any little things dragging me down.

A really important part of becoming who I am meant to be is being strong enough to say no to those things that don’t mesh with my vision of who I am. This will mean I have to stop spending so much time on things or people that aren’t propelling me in the direction I want to go. It may sound kind of cold but when I think about people who get things done and who appear to be doing a good job of reaching their potential, they don’t spend so much time on things that are contrary to their belief system or their goals. If you want to get things done you must (at least at times) cut out the distractions and focus on what you’re doing. I’m ready to do this, finally.

The author of one of the prettiest blogs out there, Oh Hello Friend, encouraged those who are willing to join her Twelve before 2012 challenge. She started it because the whole 101 things in 1001 days challenge was too long a time period for her to fully wrap her head around. My 30 by 30 list (just now renamed 30 by 30 something) was poorly constructed I realize, since a lot of the things on the list didn’t have rigid enough boundaries to them to make them easy to gauge completion. This in turn has made me feel like a failure. So by renaming my list I’ve given myself more time, and I will also need to rewrite some of the things on the list to make them easier to measure. I’m also joining the Twelve by 2012 list and pledging to get some things done!

1. buy winter tires for my car
2. increase my mortgage payments (by making an extra payment for the year or seeing if I can have more added to the bi-weekly payments)
3. increase my car payments (by making an extra payment for the year or seeing if I can have more added to the bi-weekly payments)
4. buy a GPS system
5. send out a save the date email or invitations to a Christmas party/gingerbread party/cookie exchange party (can’t decide) at my house Done October 29 via Facebook…the Christmas fête event will be on December 3!
6. email the builder of my house regarding getting touch up paint (I was supposed to follow up on this a year ago…they may not give it to me anymore!) Done October 26…now to wait for the response!
7. find a pretty way to mask the visible electrical cords behind my tv
8. return the three huge cases of water sitting by my doorstep to the store I bought them from Done November 3 thanks to Ves
9. host the regular Friday night gathering with my friends
10. call the church back about the volunteering opportunity that I signed up for
11. hang curtains in the living room and my bedroom (at least)
12. develop a WordPress theme for my GNG blog

Despite my desire to save money, I was sick of relying on the goodwill of my parents and friends (both were so generous) and I wanted the freedom to come and go as I pleased without feeling selfish for hogging the family car. The car I wanted: a Hyundai Elantra. A new one. I settled on that particular car because it ranked very well in Consumer Reports (my guide for purchases) and it fit the bill when it came to what I was looking for: a low-maintenance vehicle that I could hopefully drive until it dies (decades in the future, right?). I’m not passionate about cars: I wanted something that would get me from point A to point B comfortably and wouldn’t give me trouble in repairs. Price of course was a huge consideration for me because I hate spending money, especially amounts that make me hyperventilate at the thought. Because of that you’d think that I wouldn’t look at brand new cars (waste of money because they lose so much of their value once you drive them off the lot; we all know this). Well guess what: I like being the first person to use something and I’m apparently willing to pay a little more for the privilege. In addition, the Elantra was redesigned in 2011 and the new look is just gorgeous. Even I, non-car enthusiast, was mesmerized by the lines of the latest Elantra and found myself doing double takes when I’d see one drive by.

On Wednesday July 27, I went to a Hyundai dealership, talked to a nice guy, got some numbers and went home. The next day, I went to another Hyundai dealership, talked to another guy, got some more numbers and went home. I had met this second guy (Roy) back in March or April, when I dropped by that particular dealership on our way home from taking my baby brother to another nearby dealership.

During my July conversation with Roy, we arranged to meet again on Saturday because my dad was going to be in town on the weekend and I didn’t want to go further without getting his opinion of the car (I need my family, remember?).

The day before my visit to the dealership, I was a nervous and insecure mess. I felt much like I did at the hair salon: helpless and being taken advantage of, but of course only I was making myself feel this way. I visited online Hyundai forums like crazy, trying to determine the lowest prices people had paid, looking for hints and tips get a good deal. During this research I heard about Car Cost Canada, a website that gives you the wholesale price of vehicles and advises you to offer 3-6% above this price to make things fair all around (hmmph!). Even though having the wholesale price was the only way to know whether or not you’re being taken advantage of, I hesitated to invest the $34 in Car Cost Canada, asking my family what they thought a trillion times before finally buying it. Once I had the wholesale price, I created a spreadsheet calculating the costs of vehicles depending on the percentage. Once I did this, calm started to come to my soul.

I barely slept through the night and when I woke up I googled negotiation tactics and that gave me more confidence. On my way to my parents’ place in the morning to pick up my dad, my soundtrack was a Nigerian artist who has a song with a chorus that goes (loosely translated) “when I fell my enemies were rejoicing”. I felt connected to the song: the dealership was my enemy and I was pumped to defeat them, I felt like I could defeat them. I know only I was making myself feel this way but I couldn’t help it! My sister wanted to know how the dealership qualified as my enemy since it’s my money and I decide in the end whether or not to spend it. She was right: the thought of having to negotiate had caused me to lose my perspective.

Brother #2 joined my dad and I at the dealership on Saturday. Roy gave my dad a complete tour of the car. Then it was time to crunch numbers. There was a lot of back and forth, a lot of car dealer tricks, such as Roy showing me the profit (or lack thereof) that the dealership was making from the sale, and pretending to be my friend and all that stuff. I was happy with my negotiation skills but I know that next time I’d go even further with the haggling. Although my dad left me to do the negotiating, I needed his counsel and having him and my brother there really helped give me some confidence. I wasn’t sure I was going to buy a car when I went to the dealership that day, but having my dad express his opinions on the deal that was being struck helped me.

For several years I had this lovely dream where I buy a brand new car with everything I wanted in it, for well under 20k. It might be possible, but not if I wanted a brand new Elantra with air conditioning. I also expected to get 0% down and put down a spectacular amount of money that would drop my monthly payments to next to nothing. Instead the going interest rate was a boo-inducing 3.6% and from what I read there was no incentive to put money down because I could invest my downpayment in something that would yield more gains than 3.6%. The car loan is an open loan too, which makes paying it off sooner easy and penalty-free.

All of that to say I’m a car owner! I picked the car up on August 4. My family made the evening special by coming with me (well Brother #1 didn’t, of course) to the dealership. I received cards of congratulations from my parents and sister and they bought champagne to toast this happy event. My parents also gave me a monetary gift to use toward the car and I applied it toward the loan. They are such supportive people.

I’ve had the car for exactly three weeks and it’s been lovely to drive around in it and to be able to come and go as I please. The car has been great but the dealership? Not so great. I’ll bore you with those details later. But most importantly: yay!

My sister, my youngest brother (Brother #2) and I are such a great team (which is not to say we don’t bicker every single time we hang out together or embark on a project). It’s a shame that my other brother (Brother #1) isn’t part of this fantastic team (we are so awesome) but we’re working on it, constantly letting him know that we want him there with us. It’s funny because as much as we want him to be part of the group we have our moments where we dissect his awful treatment of us and I invariably end up saying “He’s an *expletive*. I’m done with him.” But honestly, I love his guts and can’t wait for him to see the light and realize that we’re cool folks who are on his side and he shouldn’t try to pretend we suck and aren’t good enough to hang out with because he’s so wrong.

In addition to hauling stuff to the Salvation Army, I:

• spent Friday night, most of Saturday, all of Sunday, and all of Monday at my parents’ place
• watched most of Dreamgirls with my sister and Brother #1
• went out for two meals with my sister and Brother #2
• watched Love It or List It with my parents and sister on Monday
• took two approximately three hour naps on Sunday and Monday. In both cases I started out on the couch and ended up in my sister and Brother #1′s beds, respectively

Since I’m in a family kind of mood, I’d like to boldly confess that I need my family. I’m all for independence and not letting someone stop you from doing something if you’re convinced it’s what you want to do, but I will never be the kind of person who is voluntarily distanced from her family (emotionally). I like seeking my family’s opinions on things, even though I know it will end with arguments and conflicting opinions, and even if I know I’ll end up doing something completely different from what some family members may have expected. I love that my parents are caring and involved and didn’t have the mentality that once I turned 18 I was no longer their responsibility. I love our inside jokes, love that no one else will ever get some parts of me like they do. Even though I know we’re dysfunctional, I am thankful that we love each other. I don’t think we’d fight as much if we didn’t: we’d just say “Screw you!” and be apathetic. I am so happy that passive-aggressiveness isn’t par for the course chez nous. And for all this I give my parents full credit.

I am secure in the love of my family, and I can’t imagine us not having this same love. Life is better shared and I know that even if for some reason I end up being single for life, I will always be thankful for the blessing of having a family to share my life with. I look forward to one day having a family of my own, one that won’t be a carbon copy of my family, but I hope it’ll always have that strong undercurrent of genuine love.

So we reconnected after literal years of not talking like that and it felt great. She’s very easy to talk to and it was fun to try and remember snippets from each other’s lives to ask about. It helps that we’re Facebook friends though we don’t talk on there except for our birthdays and her wedding and birth of her baby girl. This entry is triggered by my usual feeling after reconnecting with people I admire and swapping info about our lives: I always feel like I’m not moving fast enough. She’s married, her husband relocated from halfway across the world to be with her, she’s a mother now, she’s got her job, her little family seem so sweet. I’ve done things too but not enough for me to be content. I am not where I wanted to be at this stage of life. I want to buy that car (the one I’ve moaned about for ages), travel all around the country and into the USA, marry a man who loves me, make a baby or three. I feel these things will happen but my 32nd birthday and whatever’s triggered this evening’s sense of wistfulness makes me feel like it needs to happen very soon or I’ll burst into tears.

This feeling will pass and I will once again focus on what I have been blessed with. In fact I intend to share a post on the things I am grateful for on my other blog.

*My girl crushes aren’t at romantic: they’re people whose personality, life, or story I totally love. If they inspire me in some way I officially crush on them.

I got a call on Friday afternoon while I was at work, letting me know that my blood test results were in. To say that I was anxious about the results would be an understatement. The clinic was open until 8pm so I left work late (past 7pm) and rushed to the clinic (well, as fast as you can rush when you’re on a bus that stops at every stop along the way) and arrived at the clinic at 7:45pm, only to see that the clinic had their “closed” sign up. I pushed on the door and it opened so I went in. Nobody was there. I was practically in tears (remember…it was one of those weeks) and after calling out “hello?” a few times I turned to leave. A receptionist showed up right then and told me they were closed. I told her that someone had called me to inform me that my results were in and there was no way I could wait until after the weekend to find out what was going on. I was almost teary so she said they’d see me.

The results were just okay, though one of the results wasn’t yet available. There was a wakeup call attached to these results so I think I’ve been sufficiently scared into being more mindful of how I care for my body (I know, I know: “but for how long?” right?).

I liked this doctor: he was very thorough, a leftie (!) and conscientious. He asked how I snuck in and I started explaining that I was worried because the results were ready the day after the test and I couldn’t wait until next week to find out and he laughed and told me it was ok. He took the time to explain all the results, which I really appreciated. He said he’d make sure to call me if the last results came in, that I probably wouldn’t hear from him unless the results raised some questions.

For years now, with few exceptions, I’ve spent Friday nights with my besties at their house but this past Friday I opted out because I was walking the last bit of the way home at past 9:00pm and all I wanted to do was sit on my couch and just chill without having to be anything other than what I was: tired, worried and drained. I got nearly 8 hours of sleep on Friday evening and woke up ready to do a few things. On Saturday I didn’t do much (housecleaning, pantry sorting, shopping for veggies) and then went for dinner with a couple of friends. On Sunday I went to church. After almost 20 years at one church we switched churches last year. I am enjoying this new church so far…I feel more emotional at this church, more connected or something. I don’t doubt that my former church had a hand in bringing me to this point though. And my lovely walk-in clinic doctor called…well the receptionist did…to let me know that the results of the test we were waiting for were fine. I never expected him to call on a Sunday so it made my weekend.

It’s the end of the month, so it’s time to see how I did with regard to accomplishing my monthly goals:

DAILY GOALS – JANUARY 2011

• pray: I’d say I did this at least 90% of the time
• brush and floss at night: I didn’t it do this every day, not by a longshot. I need to make up a spreadsheet so I can tell you how well I did with cold hard figures to back it up

WEEKLY GOALS

• read my bible: I failed. I think I only did this twice this month (if we exclude church, which I do)

BI-WEEKLY GOALS

• call 5 specific people: I called 4/5 people twice in January. Not bad! I only called the last person once.

MONTHLY GOALS

• read 2 books per month: I tried so hard but I am still reading Men are from Mars Women are from Venus. The book is long and repetitive, not in a bad way, just in a long way. I don’t see myself catching up on my reading in February but who knows!
• not incur overdue library charges: I’m still on track with this one. I thought I had incurred $.50 in charges but my balance for this year so far is z-e-r-o!
• watch 1 non-romantic comedy movie: I watched The Town with my sister last weekend and we both enjoyed it.
• entertain someone or some people at my place: A fail, unless new year’s eve counts. I mean my guests were still at my house in the wee hours of January 1!
• maximum one non-birthday or other special event dinner: Fail: I went for wings with friends at least once and I went out for dinner with friends this past weekend.

• pray
• brush and floss at night

WEEKLY GOALS

• read my bible

BI-WEEKLY GOALS (I just learned that ‘bi-weekly‘ can mean every two weeks or twice a week! I’m using the former definition.)

• call 5 specific people

MONTHLY GOALS

• read 2 books per month
• not incur overdue library charge
• watch 1 non-romantic comedy movie
• entertain someone or some people at my place
• maximum one non-birthday or other special event dinner

So far in the first full week of January, I have prayed nearly every day, not read my bible yet, not called anybody, not watched any movies and incurred 50 cents in overdue library charges. I have, however, started Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and if I could leave my smartphone at home all week I’ll be finished it by week’s end.

Not surprisingly I want some fun adventures this year, and I want to do things I haven’t gotten around to doing. Things like:

A road trip where I’m the main driver
The furthest away I’ve driven is two hours or about 200 km away but my youngest brother mentioned going to the USA for shopping before September, so I suggested we make it a sibling thing and rent a car. I’ll never say no to outlet shopping so I’m looking forward to this.

Getting a hair cut and colour
I’ve gotten trims and very simple hair cuts before but this time I want a real cut, something sassy. I’ve never coloured my hair so that’ll be something. The cut I’m thinking of (which one of my friends was sporting when I ran into her this past weekend, funny enough) requires me to grow my hair a bit more so I’ll colour first.

Learning to run
So two years ago, I did a walk/run to raise money for a cause dear to my heart. My time was slower than I hoped, and I had grossly underestimated how far five kilometres is by foot. I haven’t run since.

But a crazy colleague has convinced me that a learn to run program is what we need in our lives and she simultaneously convinced me that it won’t kill us (me). We start in two weeks.

I decided to go out and try what we’ll be doing the first week: run for one minute, walk for two minutes, repeat a trillion (or maybe 6-8) times. The good news is I managed to run for a minute without stopping (yes, I am that out of shape); the bad news is I could only do four sets before I switched to walking alone. The worst news is today, the day after, I feel like I tried a new form of exercise that showed me who’s boss; either that or I was doing squats in my sleep. I feel it in my (fl)abs too.

Eating yogurt
I’m a very picky eater. I have never knowingly ingested salad dressing, dips, cottage cheese, sour cream and yogurt. My crazy colleague (yeah, the same one) made me try a dessert yogurt (120 calories, 3.5% milk fat) and it was pretty good! I wonder if I can try a non-dessert yogurt without gagging; I’ve bought some and I’ll let you know how that goes.

I want to end this with a challenge: can you think of something that you don’t think I’ve done that I really should do? All reasonable suggestions will be considered, and by “reasonable” I mean any suggestion that won’t bankrupt or embarrass me. I’m not looking for thrills so much as things that will shake my life up a bit and provide me with great memories.

Updated to add:

A trip to Europe in 2011 or 2012
This is another sibling plan. I don’t know where we’ll go, but England (well, London more than anything), France or Italy are sounding good so far.

But I didn’t sign up. Initially it was due to a glitch on the website but once that was cleared up I still dilly dallied and here we are, eight weeks before the race, me woefully out of shape and wondering what I should do.

If I sign up, I would want to beat my 2008 time (50 minutes, 4 seconds). However, I’m a few pounds heavier and I have not attempted to run for any reason in the past year, so I have my doubts. I would really be disappointed in myself if I didn’t do better this year and when you combine that with my charming habit of beating myself up, well, let’s just say “Jummy has issues” would not be something I’m unfamiliar with hearing.

I’m trying to figure out what to do. Do I sign up anyway because the training process (and the collection of money from sponsors) will force me to start walking/running regularly? Do I sign up for a later race for another cause and start training now anyway? Do I just get off my lazy butt, sign up for nothing and motivate myself to walk/run for 30 minutes each day?

The last answer would be best, and it’s abysmal how I can’t spare 30 measly minutes to do something that will improve my quality of life in the long term.

***
Next in “bad Jummy” news, I have to confess that this week has not been a good one on the eating front. Since Sunday, lemon cream-filled cookies, chocolate chip cookie-squares, swedish berries, skittles, moccaccino granola bars and a handful of ju jubes have passed through my lips. Over the past two weeks I ate a whole loaf of bread, made into garlic bread. I wish I could say I stuck to the recommended serving size for any of these items but I didn’t.

I still eat vegetables with my dinner and only drink water with every meal and drink my tea unsweetened, but these good habits are completely overpowered this week. I started weighing myself daily too. I wish I was one of those people who became depressed when reading the number on the scale, but I’m not. Maybe if the number drops significantly and then starts creeping up, I’ll feel a twinge of something.

At work today a colleague came to ask if I wanted to go running with her during lunch to prepare for my upcoming race. I explained to her my dilemma regarding not having enough time to train and she told me not to beat myself up. I ended up deciding then and there not to sign up for the race. If I want to do something to help, I can volunteer at the water station. I will be joining my coworker in spirit though by going for a 30 minute walk while she runs. We’ll make an effort to leave the office at the same time so that we can hold each other accountable. We’ll see how long that works.

***
I just finished reading Believe It, Be It by Ali Vincent. She’s the first female to win the grand prize in the television show The Biggest Loser and although I’m no devotee of the show, I have seen bits and pieces of various seasons of it. I enjoyed the book. It was a quick read and nothing that she shared was new to me, but she really focused on the title of the book: believing in yourself and not allowing fear hold you back from doing what you want and becoming what you want to be. A lot of overweight people use fear to keep them from committing to the weight loss, and I am no exception. The book made me think about my fears and belief in myself, and whether I truly believe that I can lose the weight.

I can lose the weight. I believe that with few exceptions we can do anything we put our mind to. But I let the fact that it will be hard, it will be long, it will be grueling, it will hurt keep me inert, rather than focusing on the infamous and oft-mentioned baby steps as the way to make progress. This willingness to quit when the going gets tough developed after I did the opposite in university. University really affected my self confidence and instead of using my triumph over failure to spur me on to complete other challenges, I have somehow used it as a “I felt (and still feel) like crap about how the whole situation went down and I don’t ever want to feel that way again, even if the end result will be finally reaching my goal”. It’s interesting how that experience has had the opposite effect on me.

I C E D · T E A
I looked online briefly for instructions on how to make iced tea, and I was intrigued by one recipe that said you should leave the plastic container full of teabags and boiling water outside, in the sun, for 24 hours. Sadly I don’t have any direct sunlight coming into my house, and I wasn’t ready to be labeled as the “crazy lady who brings bottles of murky liquid to the front lawn as offerings to her alien ruler, we think”, so I used my own recipe (which I came up with as I went along, and which, I suspect you would have come up with too without any trouble):

• boil water
• add boiling water to teabags, sugar and lemon
• let steep for exactly ‘a while’
• remove tea bags
• chill tea in fridge

I made a video of the experience because I had nothing better to do and I wanted to try out the built in video camera. I’m clearly a natural since I only did one take (yes, that’s it).

The verdict:
Once chilled, it was a very refreshing drink, especially since this weekend was so hot and humid! There isn’t enough of the brewed tea flavour that I love so in my drink. More tea bags will be used in the future. It also wasn’t quite sweet enough, but this might be a good thing for me.

B A N A N A · B R E A D
I have made countless loaves of ‘nana bread because I don’t like eating mushy bananas and I love banana bread (no nuts or raisins in mine please)! My only complaint with the recipe I use (which is quite delicious!) is that the batter always seems to settle while baking so that the bottom half is a bit darker than the top. It certainly doesn’t affect the taste at all but you know how it is when you want something to be perfect.

I came across this recipe via the Pioneer Woman today, and you can see from this picture that her bread doesn’t seem to suffer from settling of any kind (except, perhaps settling in the tummies of banana bread lovers like me). I must try it.

A commenter suggested I freeze my ripening fruit and I think that will be the fate of the peaches…I’d like them in a smoothie more than in a crisp, I believe.