I woke up at the unprecedented hour of 7:41am this past Saturday (yuck!) to get to a hastily-scheduled 9:00am masseuse appointment (scheduled to help ease lower back pain that had developed on Thursday, seeing as there was ‘just a bit’ of driving in my immediate future). Then I dropped off cupcakes at my friend’s house, picked up luggage at my parents’ place, went to a hair appointment for a wash and blowdry (can’t be in Oprah’s sphere with raggedy locks!) at 11:30am (an appointment that didn’t end up starting until 12:20pm; boo!), dropped by the mall my mommykins works at to say hello in case I wouldn’t see her before my trip, and did some shopping (without success) for the perfect top to wear with my black pants for the show.

At 3pm, it occurred to me that I had not yet changed the winter tires on my car to my all-seasons, and with such a long upcoming trip it would be deliberately throwing the money I paid for the tires in the trash if I drove to Toronto with winter tires on. After calling no less than 10 different tire changing places, I found one that was still open and had time that day to change my tires. I waited 1.5 hours for a 40 minute job but I’m so thankful that it was done before the trip!

A room with a view

Our drive here was largely uneventful for me: Wendy, on the other hand found inspiration for her creative pursuit in a most unusual place! I am so thankful for my hosts, Cynthia of Delectably Chic! and her husband Adam, who have given me full reign over their guest bedroom, complete with its own ensuite. Given my love of saving money, this is an enormous help and the private space makes me feel like I’m in a hotel! Wendy is staying with her friend and she (friend) managed to finagle free underground parking for us in her building for the duration of our stay…hurray!

So, bring on Oprah, her pals, Aha! moments a-plenty, and all that good stuff…I’m ready!

Updated to add:

• I had no trouble waking up on Sunday morning to get on the road
• I bought the shirt that I ended up wearing to the show on my way to pick up Wendy. The fact that they matched earrings I had bought earlier in the week was serendipitous.

Brother #2 has been a wonderful cheerleader over the last year (when we aren’t fighting, an occurrence that is rare between us, thankfully!), and especially in the last few months when I’ve finally started fleshing out The Idea so that it was more concrete. We’ve attended two seminars together this year and both were inspiring. I actually happened upon the first seminar and asked if he wanted to go with me. It was a free seminar given by the local library on starting your own business and the information provided was useful. At the time I wasn’t really sure which of the many ideas I had considered in the past were viable, but this seminar got me thinking about being in business for myself again. I knew that when the time came it would be handy to have the information.

I attended a second seminar on branding at another local library by myself (Brother #2 is a PR major so he didn’t need this seminar). We attended our second seminar together two days ago and it was given by William Mougayar, the founder of two startup companies (Equentia and Engagio). He came to share his insights and explain the process that took him from where he was (comfortably employed) to the life of a startup founder which is anything but comfortable from a job security point of view. There’s clearly a lot of satisfaction in doing something that you feel you’re meant to be doing. Again, I was inspired, but I felt like Mougayar’s simple story of going from idea to startup could be my own. A startup isn’t a complicated entity; if it is that’s a problem. Simplicity is key and this resonated with me because I complicate everything in my life thanks to my insatiable tendency to overthink and overanalyze everything: a simple email or blog entry can take me hours to craft (current entry included) because each word I choose plays an important role in conveying a message and I care about how my message is shared. I also have a fear of doing anything that’s out of the norm for me (too many things!). These are all qualities I possess that make a terrible startup founder, so if I ever want to go that route I have a lot to let go of.

In addition to letting go, I also have to Just Do. That’s not easy but it’s gotta happen.

What touched my heart was that my brother was the one who found this second seminar and paid for my attendance there. He didn’t know the speaker any more than I did but he knows me and he felt like this guy had something to say that I should hear and he was 100% right. I won’t go so far as to say Mougayar has changed my life but I was so glad I had a notebook with me to capture so many of the things he shared. I found myself nodding all through the presentation and when I say “I’m inspired!” a certain way, with a certain smile, Brother #2 and my sister always laugh because I’m an inspiration junkie but honestly? I’m inspired, y’all!

The answer is no.

I’m lazy and I resist anything that is hard or painful—unless it’ll save me money (not paying someone to design my sites is an example of this). It’s far easier to plead fatigue while doing 100s in Pilates class and rest than push through it. It’s easier to slow to a walk after a burst of running than to see what would happen if I forced myself to run just a few feet further. I’d rather eat as many sweets as I crave than deal with the uncomfortable feeling of wanting something that isn’t good for you in such large quantities. It’s easier to visit gorgeous websites and admire the graphic design rather than open a blank document and attempt to create my own graphic, even if I know will be inferior to the ones I was just admiring.

How do I shake off this tendency toward sloth? How do I become one of those people who work tirelessly to achieve a goal, who endure pain and exhaustion? I have a great brain, full use of every body part, so what’s my excuse?

I don’t have one.

Maybe this is what life coaches are for? Or maybe that’s just typical me, trying to avoid facing what needs to be done and just doing it.

(Oh, and I don’t think my destiny is sugar consumption…that was a joke!)

I’ve been wanting to vacuum my house for two weeks. A couple of years ago, I inquired on Facebook about how late is too late to be vacuuming when you have a neighbour who lives below you and I think people had said 9pm at that time. In my head, over time, that shifted to 8pm (I actually love vacuuming; I just felt bad because the lady who lives below me is probably in her 60s), and given my tendency to get home late from work, the vacuuming wasn’t getting done. Saturdays would be ideal, but I was too busy sleeping in, washing my hair (really), leaving on the conditioner for an hour then rinsing it out, doing laundry, and slothing (not a word but it really should be) about to add anything else to my schedule. And on Sundays I’d head to my parents’ place after church so I’d get home too late to vacuum (if I didn’t sleep over).

Everything changed this past Friday: I got home (late, but before 8pm) and instead of unwinding (which can take anywhere from 30 minutes to “the rest of the evening”), I immediately vacuumed. And instead of doing the upstairs on Saturday as I told myself I could, I just did it all on Friday evening. And instead of telling myself I could do the laundry on Saturday like I usually do, I put in a load as I was going to bed on Friday night. And when I woke up frightfully early on Saturday (anytime before 11am is truly frightful, but this was before 9am!), I allowed myself to stay in bed until 9:30am but then I kicked myself out of bed, put that laundry in the dryer, did my hair routine and used that hour with my hair in a conditioning cap to clean my kitchen. It felt great, and even though this is a long weekend I already feel like I was extraordinarily productive.

As I look around my house, there is still so much that is out of place: papers need to be filed (doing that once this entry is complete), same with receipts, Christmas decor needs to be put in the storage room (ditto), and two of my succulents are dying to be transplanted (I really want to put this off but I have no good reason to, especially since I have two new, larger pots). By doing things right away, I’ll save precious brain space that I used to use to unsuccessfully keep track of my unending to do lists.

Win-win.

First off, Brother #2 has a healthy self- and body-image. He’ll always be cute to me as my baby brother but the truth is he deals with acne, while the rest of us got off easy: Brother #1, like my mom, doesn’t know what a pimple is (and has smooth, gorgeous skin), my sister is familiar with zits but not quite as familiar as I am (a familiarity that has increased in the last two weeks). Brother #1, ever the bully, used to regularly try to make Brother #2 feel ugly and insecure about his acne and his looks (Brother #2′s fairly slender) but it never worked. Brother #2′s not cocky (except in jest). Whenever he starts thinking he’s entitled to anything he wants and he shows signs of brattiness (youngest child syndrome?), all it takes is my sister or I hollering at him to remind him of what truly matters before he apologizes (not always right that instant but within the hour). What I’ve learned from him is that you have to be your own biggest fan and think you’re awesome (just make sure you don’t tell everyone you meet that or they’ll hate you).

Brother #2 is also a peacemaker, happy-go-lucky, and a chatty and engaging person. I know, I sound like a groupie (or a proud parent) but honestly I hope you have someone in your life who plays this role. As the youngest, he’s used to being nagged and picked on by all his siblings. With age he’s gotten his own voice and he can snap back at us pretty quickly, however, the boy never lets the sun go down on his anger: within an hour he’s back trying to get into your good graces. He’s just happier when everyone likes him. He’s hilarious and silly (definite family trait) and cracks me up every time I see him. He’s perpetually broke but he doesn’t stress it…obviously this could be a problem if it continues once he’s out of school and working full time but right now I envy his lack of stress over his financial situation. I definitely wasn’t like that at his age (but we’re very different people). He and my sister don’t enjoy fights and he may have broken up fights between Brother #1 and I a few times. I often commend him on his peacemaking skills because there’s something humbling about having your youngest sibling trying to make you see the light in a fight.

He’s wise beyond his years. In our culture (Yoruba), when a child is born soon after their grandparent dies, they get a name that makes reference to them being the return of the grandparent. Brother #2 was born soon after our paternal grandfather passed away so his middle name reflects that tradition. My paternal grandfather was considered a wise man and my brother’s approach to some things often displays wisdom beyond his years…except when it’s related to girls! He and our grandfather actually have the same bleach-white birthmark so that’s another cool connection.

Whenever I tell Brother #2 about someone who’s accomplished something I want to do, he always reminds me to go at my own pace, that it’s not a race, and that I’ve prioritized things differently from them in some cases which is why I’m not where they are. He challenges me regularly to stay on track with goals I’ve set and he sends me resources to help me reach my goals. He’ll definitely get a shout-out when I finally reach my blogging goals.

I found out about a workshop on starting your own business that was taking place at the local library this past Monday and he was the only person I wanted to attend with, because I knew he would have invited me to it had he found it first. We had such a great time, giggling at inside jokes and looking at each other in understanding when the presenter made a particularly relevant point.

Before you think he’s the best thing ever and try to steal him away, I have to admit he can be very selfish and expect everyone to work around him or his schedule when it’s clearly unreasonable to do so. But again, we just smack him around a bit and he’s fine. Oh, and his breath is often not the freshest!

But I do love the sucker.

I didn’t cross every item off my Twelve by 2012 list, but I’m satisfied with my progress. I know if I hadn’t joined the challenge none of these things would have been accomplished in 2011 because I would have just procrastinated on them (and in many cases I did procrastinate, but I got them done just barely on time!).

What I did:

• buy winter tires for my car Done December 23, after weeks of my dad reminding/nagging me. I resent the almost $600 spent, but appreciate the increased comfort I feel driving on icy/snowy roads!
• increase my car payments (by making an extra payment for the year or seeing if I can have more added to the bi-weekly payments) Done December 30 (I increased my bi-weekly payments by 21%).
• buy a GPS system Done December 24 on the early Boxing Day sales online.
• send out a save the date email or invitations to a Christmas party/gingerbread party/cookie exchange party (can’t decide) at my house Done October 29 via Facebook…the Christmas fête event was held on December 3!
• email the builder of my house regarding getting touch up paint (I was supposed to follow up on this a year ago…they may not give it to me anymore!) Done October 26. They can’t give it to me anymore because they no longer use paint from that particular supplier…or so they said. I think they’re just mean, to be honest.
• return the three huge cases of water sitting by my doorstep to the store I bought them from Done November 3 thanks to Ves
• host the regular Friday night gathering with my friends Done December 30, on the last possible Friday of the year (of course!). We ordered in food and had a very chill time. I need to do this more often.

What I still need to do (maybe):

• increase my mortgage payments (by making an extra payment for the year or seeing if I can have more added to the bi-weekly payments)

  I need to first check to see if the conditions of my mortgage allow me to make extra payments, and I think I have to search my paperwork for that.

• find a pretty way to mask the visible electrical cords behind my tv

  I don’t think I’m going to find something pretty that doesn’t look weird, unless I get one of those big wall units for the cords to hide behind so I might take this off the list.

• call the church back about the volunteering opportunity that I signed up for

  They actually called me back this year, then I called them back and sent them an email. Now they’re waiting for an email from me, telling them about myself. Figuring out what I to put into the email is making me procrastinate on drafting it.

• hang curtains in the living room and my bedroom (at least)

  I just don’t care enough to make this a priority, and I don’t really want to put any holes in my walls. At almost three years old it’s not a new house anymore but I’m still babying it, apparently!

• develop a WordPress theme for my GNG blog

  It didn’t happen last year but it will this year. I feel very close to a breakthrough on this front.

I want to get these things done by March 31, 2012.

I am almost 32.5 years old and I think the last half of my 32nd year will end up being significant with regard to becoming the person I want to be while accepting myself for who I am. I’ve made strides already (loving my body more and more each day!) but I have more to do. I want my life to reflect my belief system (in God, Christianity) and I want to have a deep-down sense that I am living my life the way it’s supposed to be. For me, that’ll mean connecting to God, and part of that involves listening to my inner voice and acting on my beliefs. Finding a church I feel more connected to last year, and tuning in to Oprah’s Lifeclass series have been helpful to me so far.

My practical game plan involves daily homework in the sense of praying and reading my bible, asking myself questions about what I want in various areas of my life, and DOING stuff to make this happen. In the past I have had trouble DOING, but no more! My life is a gift and my time on earth is limited. Every time I think of that I’m inspired to act. I haven’t been making the best use of the time I’ve been given, so in my “baby steps” fashion, I’m doing small things. I finally sent an email to the dealership I bought my car from, an email that I’ve had drafted for weeks but had trouble sending because I was nervous about how the salesman I dealt with would react if he’s asked about what I said about him. I have other baby steps to take, like calling my tv cable provider to let them know that I haven’t received a service I’ve paying for since I last called them about this, back in April or May, and I plan to do that today. There are lots of other little things that might read as a simple to do list to some, but the fact that I’ve put off doing them for so long and for no valid (well no longer valid reason) reason means I’ve given them way more power in my life than they should have and to be honest I don’t need any little things dragging me down.

A really important part of becoming who I am meant to be is being strong enough to say no to those things that don’t mesh with my vision of who I am. This will mean I have to stop spending so much time on things or people that aren’t propelling me in the direction I want to go. It may sound kind of cold but when I think about people who get things done and who appear to be doing a good job of reaching their potential, they don’t spend so much time on things that are contrary to their belief system or their goals. If you want to get things done you must (at least at times) cut out the distractions and focus on what you’re doing. I’m ready to do this, finally.

The author of one of the prettiest blogs out there, Oh Hello Friend, encouraged those who are willing to join her Twelve before 2012 challenge. She started it because the whole 101 things in 1001 days challenge was too long a time period for her to fully wrap her head around. My 30 by 30 list (just now renamed 30 by 30 something) was poorly constructed I realize, since a lot of the things on the list didn’t have rigid enough boundaries to them to make them easy to gauge completion. This in turn has made me feel like a failure. So by renaming my list I’ve given myself more time, and I will also need to rewrite some of the things on the list to make them easier to measure. I’m also joining the Twelve by 2012 list and pledging to get some things done!

1. buy winter tires for my car
2. increase my mortgage payments (by making an extra payment for the year or seeing if I can have more added to the bi-weekly payments)
3. increase my car payments (by making an extra payment for the year or seeing if I can have more added to the bi-weekly payments)
4. buy a GPS system
5. send out a save the date email or invitations to a Christmas party/gingerbread party/cookie exchange party (can’t decide) at my house Done October 29 via Facebook…the Christmas fête event will be on December 3!
6. email the builder of my house regarding getting touch up paint (I was supposed to follow up on this a year ago…they may not give it to me anymore!) Done October 26…now to wait for the response!
7. find a pretty way to mask the visible electrical cords behind my tv
8. return the three huge cases of water sitting by my doorstep to the store I bought them from Done November 3 thanks to Ves
9. host the regular Friday night gathering with my friends
10. call the church back about the volunteering opportunity that I signed up for
11. hang curtains in the living room and my bedroom (at least)
12. develop a WordPress theme for my GNG blog

Despite my desire to save money, I was sick of relying on the goodwill of my parents and friends (both were so generous) and I wanted the freedom to come and go as I pleased without feeling selfish for hogging the family car. The car I wanted: a Hyundai Elantra. A new one. I settled on that particular car because it ranked very well in Consumer Reports (my guide for purchases) and it fit the bill when it came to what I was looking for: a low-maintenance vehicle that I could hopefully drive until it dies (decades in the future, right?). I’m not passionate about cars: I wanted something that would get me from point A to point B comfortably and wouldn’t give me trouble in repairs. Price of course was a huge consideration for me because I hate spending money, especially amounts that make me hyperventilate at the thought. Because of that you’d think that I wouldn’t look at brand new cars (waste of money because they lose so much of their value once you drive them off the lot; we all know this). Well guess what: I like being the first person to use something and I’m apparently willing to pay a little more for the privilege. In addition, the Elantra was redesigned in 2011 and the new look is just gorgeous. Even I, non-car enthusiast, was mesmerized by the lines of the latest Elantra and found myself doing double takes when I’d see one drive by.

On Wednesday July 27, I went to a Hyundai dealership, talked to a nice guy, got some numbers and went home. The next day, I went to another Hyundai dealership, talked to another guy, got some more numbers and went home. I had met this second guy (Roy) back in March or April, when I dropped by that particular dealership on our way home from taking my baby brother to another nearby dealership.

During my July conversation with Roy, we arranged to meet again on Saturday because my dad was going to be in town on the weekend and I didn’t want to go further without getting his opinion of the car (I need my family, remember?).

The day before my visit to the dealership, I was a nervous and insecure mess. I felt much like I did at the hair salon: helpless and being taken advantage of, but of course only I was making myself feel this way. I visited online Hyundai forums like crazy, trying to determine the lowest prices people had paid, looking for hints and tips get a good deal. During this research I heard about Car Cost Canada, a website that gives you the wholesale price of vehicles and advises you to offer 3-6% above this price to make things fair all around (hmmph!). Even though having the wholesale price was the only way to know whether or not you’re being taken advantage of, I hesitated to invest the $34 in Car Cost Canada, asking my family what they thought a trillion times before finally buying it. Once I had the wholesale price, I created a spreadsheet calculating the costs of vehicles depending on the percentage. Once I did this, calm started to come to my soul.

I barely slept through the night and when I woke up I googled negotiation tactics and that gave me more confidence. On my way to my parents’ place in the morning to pick up my dad, my soundtrack was a Nigerian artist who has a song with a chorus that goes (loosely translated) “when I fell my enemies were rejoicing”. I felt connected to the song: the dealership was my enemy and I was pumped to defeat them, I felt like I could defeat them. I know only I was making myself feel this way but I couldn’t help it! My sister wanted to know how the dealership qualified as my enemy since it’s my money and I decide in the end whether or not to spend it. She was right: the thought of having to negotiate had caused me to lose my perspective.

Brother #2 joined my dad and I at the dealership on Saturday. Roy gave my dad a complete tour of the car. Then it was time to crunch numbers. There was a lot of back and forth, a lot of car dealer tricks, such as Roy showing me the profit (or lack thereof) that the dealership was making from the sale, and pretending to be my friend and all that stuff. I was happy with my negotiation skills but I know that next time I’d go even further with the haggling. Although my dad left me to do the negotiating, I needed his counsel and having him and my brother there really helped give me some confidence. I wasn’t sure I was going to buy a car when I went to the dealership that day, but having my dad express his opinions on the deal that was being struck helped me.

For several years I had this lovely dream where I buy a brand new car with everything I wanted in it, for well under 20k. It might be possible, but not if I wanted a brand new Elantra with air conditioning. I also expected to get 0% down and put down a spectacular amount of money that would drop my monthly payments to next to nothing. Instead the going interest rate was a boo-inducing 3.6% and from what I read there was no incentive to put money down because I could invest my downpayment in something that would yield more gains than 3.6%. The car loan is an open loan too, which makes paying it off sooner easy and penalty-free.

All of that to say I’m a car owner! I picked the car up on August 4. My family made the evening special by coming with me (well Brother #1 didn’t, of course) to the dealership. I received cards of congratulations from my parents and sister and they bought champagne to toast this happy event. My parents also gave me a monetary gift to use toward the car and I applied it toward the loan. They are such supportive people.

I’ve had the car for exactly three weeks and it’s been lovely to drive around in it and to be able to come and go as I please. The car has been great but the dealership? Not so great. I’ll bore you with those details later. But most importantly: yay!

My sister, my youngest brother (Brother #2) and I are such a great team (which is not to say we don’t bicker every single time we hang out together or embark on a project). It’s a shame that my other brother (Brother #1) isn’t part of this fantastic team (we are so awesome) but we’re working on it, constantly letting him know that we want him there with us. It’s funny because as much as we want him to be part of the group we have our moments where we dissect his awful treatment of us and I invariably end up saying “He’s an *expletive*. I’m done with him.” But honestly, I love his guts and can’t wait for him to see the light and realize that we’re cool folks who are on his side and he shouldn’t try to pretend we suck and aren’t good enough to hang out with because he’s so wrong.

In addition to hauling stuff to the Salvation Army, I:

• spent Friday night, most of Saturday, all of Sunday, and all of Monday at my parents’ place
• watched most of Dreamgirls with my sister and Brother #1
• went out for two meals with my sister and Brother #2
• watched Love It or List It with my parents and sister on Monday
• took two approximately three hour naps on Sunday and Monday. In both cases I started out on the couch and ended up in my sister and Brother #1′s beds, respectively

Since I’m in a family kind of mood, I’d like to boldly confess that I need my family. I’m all for independence and not letting someone stop you from doing something if you’re convinced it’s what you want to do, but I will never be the kind of person who is voluntarily distanced from her family (emotionally). I like seeking my family’s opinions on things, even though I know it will end with arguments and conflicting opinions, and even if I know I’ll end up doing something completely different from what some family members may have expected. I love that my parents are caring and involved and didn’t have the mentality that once I turned 18 I was no longer their responsibility. I love our inside jokes, love that no one else will ever get some parts of me like they do. Even though I know we’re dysfunctional, I am thankful that we love each other. I don’t think we’d fight as much if we didn’t: we’d just say “Screw you!” and be apathetic. I am so happy that passive-aggressiveness isn’t par for the course chez nous. And for all this I give my parents full credit.

I am secure in the love of my family, and I can’t imagine us not having this same love. Life is better shared and I know that even if for some reason I end up being single for life, I will always be thankful for the blessing of having a family to share my life with. I look forward to one day having a family of my own, one that won’t be a carbon copy of my family, but I hope it’ll always have that strong undercurrent of genuine love.

So we reconnected after literal years of not talking like that and it felt great. She’s very easy to talk to and it was fun to try and remember snippets from each other’s lives to ask about. It helps that we’re Facebook friends though we don’t talk on there except for our birthdays and her wedding and birth of her baby girl. This entry is triggered by my usual feeling after reconnecting with people I admire and swapping info about our lives: I always feel like I’m not moving fast enough. She’s married, her husband relocated from halfway across the world to be with her, she’s a mother now, she’s got her job, her little family seem so sweet. I’ve done things too but not enough for me to be content. I am not where I wanted to be at this stage of life. I want to buy that car (the one I’ve moaned about for ages), travel all around the country and into the USA, marry a man who loves me, make a baby or three. I feel these things will happen but my 32nd birthday and whatever’s triggered this evening’s sense of wistfulness makes me feel like it needs to happen very soon or I’ll burst into tears.

This feeling will pass and I will once again focus on what I have been blessed with. In fact I intend to share a post on the things I am grateful for on my other blog.

*My girl crushes aren’t at romantic: they’re people whose personality, life, or story I totally love. If they inspire me in some way I officially crush on them.