Our Monday got off to a late start (I woke up just before 9am, and my partner in crime was having hair woes). Once Wendy got to where I was staying, we went to grab lunch (a delicious shawarma from Basha Middle Eastern Grill…yum yum) with Cynthia (my host), after which we headed back to Cynthia’s place to pick up my phone (yes, in my excitement I left my phone at her place!). Wendy and I took the subway to the Metro Toronto Convention Centre from there. When we got back on street level from the subway station, I asked a guy if he knew where the convention centre was and he asked if we were going to see Oprah. When we replied in the affirmative he laughed and told us we wouldn’t be able to miss the location because of the enormous lineup. He wasn’t kidding! The line went on for blocks and blocks and I wish I had taken the time to record it. We walked for ages before reaching the end of the line, and the number of people who joined the lineup behind us was staggering! We were in line for what seemed like a really long time (at least two hours). I’m a champ when it comes to waiting in line (remember: I voluntarily go to Black Friday and Boxing Day sales) but as I mentioned in my last entry (now with more minutiae!) I had recently developed some lower back pain. As a result even 30 minutes in line was too long.

Waiting in line

Wendy was a great person to be in painline with: she was cracking jokes and she’s just generally good-natured, so we laughed and engaged others in line. The line b-a-r-e-l-y moved for ages; it only started moving in the last 30 minutes or so. I had actually gone to buy myself a drink at Starbucks and when I came back to the line I found it had moved a few blocks and I now had to rush to suck back as much of my drink as I could before it was taken away from me (no outside drinks allowed in the convention centre!).

You could feel the excitement as we entered the convention centre and made our way to the hall: people were cheering and we started running (it really was like Black Friday sales!) and the staff kept telling us not to run. We had been told to keep our purses small and to be prepared for a purse check and security check. No outside food was allowed in the place (I had brought snacks with me because we had been told that there would be limited concessions for the 6.5+ hours that we’d be there and I knew I’d get hungry). Well, I guess they were running late or something because I and my snacks made it in without issue: there were no checks at all. I could have smuggled another person in!

When we entered the hall we were met with a shock: it was so FULL! As we tried to find a seat we were certain that the general admission seats which we had tickets for were closer to the stage than the section we were feverishly scouring for seats. We were wrong: that section was general admission. We were so disappointed with our seats! After grumbling a bit we accepted our fate and got settled. We joked that we were learning about forgiveness even before Lifeclass started!

We were so far back!

And then it started. Not the televised show—that wouldn’t start for a couple of hours—but the pre-show. All four of Oprah’s current pals—Iyanla Vanzant, Tony Robbins, TD Jakes, and Deepak Chopra—shared about 30-45 minutes of lessons with us on various topics. The goal of the pre-show was to fire us up and get us excited about living our best lives. It worked! I was trying to take notes at this point but between taking it all in and nodding in agreement and cheering, it was hard! As a result, my notes of this pre-show session are largely incoherent. We didn’t get to hear from Oprah before the actual televised show so that definitely made our screams of excitement genuine when she came on stage because it was our first time seeing her. She looked lovely in her green dress…and we were thankful for the large screens because otherwise we would have only seen a green blur on the far away stage.

During the commercial breaks Oprah engaged with the audience: she took off her left shoe to show someone who had inquired about her shoes. She answered a question about her score in Words With Friends, and she shared her average score and her highest score. People in the crowd were yelling to her and she was responding. She thanked those who went all out for the show, painting their toenails even though they knew no one would see it. She expressed her gratitude to us for waiting in line (she drove by our lineup after the first show ended!) and seemed genuinely humbled. At one point she said she’d come back to those sitting in the back so I was excited at the thought of hopefully getting a good picture of her.

The show was good. Wendy and I were disappointed when we learned the topic of the show was forgiveness, just one or two weeks beforehand, because we both felt we had a good handle on the concept. We wanted to learn something NEW. But not surprisingly we both had Aha! moments during the show.

You can actually see the show we attended online HERE. It was only when I watched the show from home that I realized even though we were seated far back, if we had been sitting on the other side we might have been captured on camera. Lessons learned!

TD Jakes and Oprah

Speaking of lessons learned, I’ve got an entry coming up on my other blog about those actual lessons. One lesson I do want to share relates to something I’ve shared before: the problems I’ve had with the elder of my two younger brothers. Someone asked the following on twitter:

How do you forgive a family member that you have to be in constant contact with. And though you forgive, the offense continues to happen. How do you manage that???

TD Jakes’s response was that you can’t forgive what you don’t understand. Understanding doesn’t excuse their behaviour or exonerate them, but it’s easier to cope if you know what’s behind the behaviour: maybe they’re an alcoholic, maybe they’re broken in some way. We can’t expect something that’s broken to function like its unbroken counterpart; this this applies to people too. Once you understand that, you must adjust your expectations to the capacity of the person. You can’t expect a person with a pint capacity for love to give you a gallon’s worth of love, for example. The world has gallon people and pint people and if you’re a gallon person you have to make sure you don’t have too many pint people around you or you’ll become frustrated. You’ll keep asking these people to give you more and they’ll resent you because they’re giving you all they can—which is true—but it’ll never be enough for you because you have a greater capacity than they can provide.

To relate this to my situation, I have to make sure that my expectations of Brother #1 do not exceed his capacity and I also have to make sure that I balance out his pint love for me with people who can give me the gallon love I desire. Thankfully, my family has other members who seem capable of giving me This.

Phew! This is a long entry! Thanks for reading.

Brother #2 has been a wonderful cheerleader over the last year (when we aren’t fighting, an occurrence that is rare between us, thankfully!), and especially in the last few months when I’ve finally started fleshing out The Idea so that it was more concrete. We’ve attended two seminars together this year and both were inspiring. I actually happened upon the first seminar and asked if he wanted to go with me. It was a free seminar given by the local library on starting your own business and the information provided was useful. At the time I wasn’t really sure which of the many ideas I had considered in the past were viable, but this seminar got me thinking about being in business for myself again. I knew that when the time came it would be handy to have the information.

I attended a second seminar on branding at another local library by myself (Brother #2 is a PR major so he didn’t need this seminar). We attended our second seminar together two days ago and it was given by William Mougayar, the founder of two startup companies (Equentia and Engagio). He came to share his insights and explain the process that took him from where he was (comfortably employed) to the life of a startup founder which is anything but comfortable from a job security point of view. There’s clearly a lot of satisfaction in doing something that you feel you’re meant to be doing. Again, I was inspired, but I felt like Mougayar’s simple story of going from idea to startup could be my own. A startup isn’t a complicated entity; if it is that’s a problem. Simplicity is key and this resonated with me because I complicate everything in my life thanks to my insatiable tendency to overthink and overanalyze everything: a simple email or blog entry can take me hours to craft (current entry included) because each word I choose plays an important role in conveying a message and I care about how my message is shared. I also have a fear of doing anything that’s out of the norm for me (too many things!). These are all qualities I possess that make a terrible startup founder, so if I ever want to go that route I have a lot to let go of.

In addition to letting go, I also have to Just Do. That’s not easy but it’s gotta happen.

What touched my heart was that my brother was the one who found this second seminar and paid for my attendance there. He didn’t know the speaker any more than I did but he knows me and he felt like this guy had something to say that I should hear and he was 100% right. I won’t go so far as to say Mougayar has changed my life but I was so glad I had a notebook with me to capture so many of the things he shared. I found myself nodding all through the presentation and when I say “I’m inspired!” a certain way, with a certain smile, Brother #2 and my sister always laugh because I’m an inspiration junkie but honestly? I’m inspired, y’all!

First off, Brother #2 has a healthy self- and body-image. He’ll always be cute to me as my baby brother but the truth is he deals with acne, while the rest of us got off easy: Brother #1, like my mom, doesn’t know what a pimple is (and has smooth, gorgeous skin), my sister is familiar with zits but not quite as familiar as I am (a familiarity that has increased in the last two weeks). Brother #1, ever the bully, used to regularly try to make Brother #2 feel ugly and insecure about his acne and his looks (Brother #2′s fairly slender) but it never worked. Brother #2′s not cocky (except in jest). Whenever he starts thinking he’s entitled to anything he wants and he shows signs of brattiness (youngest child syndrome?), all it takes is my sister or I hollering at him to remind him of what truly matters before he apologizes (not always right that instant but within the hour). What I’ve learned from him is that you have to be your own biggest fan and think you’re awesome (just make sure you don’t tell everyone you meet that or they’ll hate you).

Brother #2 is also a peacemaker, happy-go-lucky, and a chatty and engaging person. I know, I sound like a groupie (or a proud parent) but honestly I hope you have someone in your life who plays this role. As the youngest, he’s used to being nagged and picked on by all his siblings. With age he’s gotten his own voice and he can snap back at us pretty quickly, however, the boy never lets the sun go down on his anger: within an hour he’s back trying to get into your good graces. He’s just happier when everyone likes him. He’s hilarious and silly (definite family trait) and cracks me up every time I see him. He’s perpetually broke but he doesn’t stress it…obviously this could be a problem if it continues once he’s out of school and working full time but right now I envy his lack of stress over his financial situation. I definitely wasn’t like that at his age (but we’re very different people). He and my sister don’t enjoy fights and he may have broken up fights between Brother #1 and I a few times. I often commend him on his peacemaking skills because there’s something humbling about having your youngest sibling trying to make you see the light in a fight.

He’s wise beyond his years. In our culture (Yoruba), when a child is born soon after their grandparent dies, they get a name that makes reference to them being the return of the grandparent. Brother #2 was born soon after our paternal grandfather passed away so his middle name reflects that tradition. My paternal grandfather was considered a wise man and my brother’s approach to some things often displays wisdom beyond his years…except when it’s related to girls! He and our grandfather actually have the same bleach-white birthmark so that’s another cool connection.

Whenever I tell Brother #2 about someone who’s accomplished something I want to do, he always reminds me to go at my own pace, that it’s not a race, and that I’ve prioritized things differently from them in some cases which is why I’m not where they are. He challenges me regularly to stay on track with goals I’ve set and he sends me resources to help me reach my goals. He’ll definitely get a shout-out when I finally reach my blogging goals.

I found out about a workshop on starting your own business that was taking place at the local library this past Monday and he was the only person I wanted to attend with, because I knew he would have invited me to it had he found it first. We had such a great time, giggling at inside jokes and looking at each other in understanding when the presenter made a particularly relevant point.

Before you think he’s the best thing ever and try to steal him away, I have to admit he can be very selfish and expect everyone to work around him or his schedule when it’s clearly unreasonable to do so. But again, we just smack him around a bit and he’s fine. Oh, and his breath is often not the freshest!

But I do love the sucker.

• My Christmas tree goes up on the last weekend of November.
• I host a Christmas fête the following weekend, for friends, on the first Saturday of December (it might be a bit premature to put this down here since I’ve only hosted one such event).
• I go to the Christmas Eve service at my church with my family, followed by early Boxing Day shopping that evening.
• I sleep over at my parents’ place on Christmas Eve (it didn’t happen this year but I slept over on Christmas Day, Boxing Day, and a couple more days).
• I host my family at my house on New Year’s Day.

This last point also happened for the first time this year. I decided to make a turkey dinner (my first, actually!) I’m embarrassed to admit it but it was also my first time making mashed potatoes (I’m a sheltered flower, yes I am!). Dinner was simple: turkey, stuffing, potatoes, and asparagus.

After waking up at the decadent hour of 11am, I decided to take my turkey out of the fridge, where it had been defrosting for less than 24 hours. It was still frozen. I had to transfer it to a bath in my sink. I had cut up the bread for the stuffing the night before, but it was still pretty fresh and soft, so I had to toast several batches of it in the oven while trying to quick-thaw my turkey.

Let’s talk about stuffing for a moment: I love it, oh so much. I always eat more stuffing than any other thing, and when I’m responsible for setting the table at my parents’ place, I always make sure the stuffing is set in front of me. As much as I love my mom’s stuffing, I was really excited to try out a stuffing recipe from the Food Network booklet my friend and former colleague Gen gave me. The last time I recall seeing the booklet was before my Christmas fête. I calmly checked all the places I thought it should be, then became more frustrated as New Year’s Eve day wore on. I eventually had to give up but I’m still pouting that I couldn’t find it when I needed it. I hope it didn’t end up in my recycling box by accident! My default stuffing recipe came from a cookbook I got from Ves and Rich as a housewarming gift, combined with the vegetables and herbs I recalled my mom including in her stuffing. I did have to call my family and ask them to bring some sage or poultry stuffing because I hadn’t done a complete inventory of my kitchen contents before cooking.

My parents and sister came by after church that afternoon (Brother #1 could not have been convinced to attend and Brother #2 had gone out of town for New Year’s Eve) and my mom proceeded to bustle around my kitchen, helping to get that turkey in the oven as soon as possible (she can’t resist a kitchen) while my dad and sister made themselves comfortable. We had a really relaxing afternoon: my three guests watched a football game and enjoyed some wine and snacks while I surfed the web and ate sugar cookies. Dinner was served at 9pm (thanks to getting the turkey in quite late!). Doesn’t it look good?

I wasn’t kidding about my mom loving the kitchen!

And the best part was that my parents and sister slept over! I was happy to have them over and they planned to sleep over as a surprise to me. And because they knew they were staying over, they could indulge to their heart’s content, stay up late and not rush. Dessert was cheesecake (oh yes, I have to tell you about my cheesecake debacle) with tea and coffee.

My dad usually likes to get a quick start on the day but the next morning even he lounged around chez moi until noonish, or maybe a bit before. My parents left and my sister stayed. The two of us watched a movie (accompanied by tea and more sugar cookies for me!).

It was a really good New Year’s Day and I hope it’ll be a tradition we repeat next year. I learned a lot about cooking turkey dinner too so maybe I’ll have most things done by the time they arrive next year! And hopefully, my brothers will attend next year.

My main gift was a vacuum from my parents and I’m so excited about it because I wasn’t expecting it at all! I’ve wanted a good vacuum since I moved into my own place, and my trusty Consumer Reports guide ranked the Dy.son brand highest in the category I was interested in. However, one of the H.oover vacuums also ranked high (but at a much more palatable cost), and given that I don’t have any pets, I had settled on a H.oover. My mom works in a department store so she called me earlier in December to inquire about the exact name of the vacuum because her colleague who works in the vacuum section said there would be deals in January and would keep an eye out for a deal on my particular vacuum. It was the plan all along for my mom to buy the vacuum for me using her store discount and money I would give her so I thought nothing of her inquiry. I innocently gave my mom the information and when Brother #1 brought up the gift it didn’t even occur to me that it could be for me or be a vacuum. I am quite thrilled!

(In case you’re curious, the word ‘vacuum’ appeared eight times in the above paragraph. You’re welcome. Also, I’m the easiest person to surprise because I have a terrible memory. never expect someone to think of surprising me. rarely wonder why someone’s asking me things; I just give up all the info they’re seeking—and more—most times!).

Brother #1 was home for Christmas after all and as he requested my siblings and I did not buy him gifts, though we did buy stocking stuffers for him. He also had stocking stuffers for us. Things are still not great between us but I was happy that he was around and I tried to bite my tongue as much as possible when he said things that incensed me or when he blatantly tried to draw attention to himself. I succeeded a bit more than half of the time.

No Christmas blog entry would be complete without a Boxing Day recap (every time I’ve talked about Boxing Day I’ve called it Black Friday, incidentally, except in this entry). I love deals to the point of inconveniencing myself for the bragging rights associated with getting a good deal. It probably is a sickness but I’d like to live with it forever and ever if that’s ok.

After the Christmas Eve service, I hurried to my parents’ house to start my Boxing Day shopping. In case you’re unaware, the two big electronic shops in Canada—B.est Buy and Fu.ture Shop—start Boxing Day sales online on Christmas Eve. Brother #2 and I logged in to our accounts for each of the stores just before 8:00pm and waited for the countdown. Once the time hit and after a few glitches to figure out how the interactive online flyers worked, I had two laptops, a digital camera, a GPS (don’t forget my Twelve by 2012 list!), and an antivirus program divided in a shopping cart for each store, and then I entered the lengthy checkout process. I had learned from Brother #1 two years ago that sometimes after waiting an hour to check out your item, you discover that other people beat you to the item and it’s sold out by the time your checkout process is completed. I therefore decided to “buy” two laptops—one from each retailer—and see which one actually makes it. Just like last year with the netbooks, both went through for me so I’ll return one (after checking the specs to see which is the best bang for my buck, naturally). I couldn’t find the particular GPS recommended by Consumer Reports, so I got one that looked good; I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’m afraid to buy another camera, given my history, but I just don’t carry my DSLR around as much as I would if it could fit into my purse.

After opening gifts on Christmas evening, I started to get jittery and antsy. I needed to be in line somewhere, waiting for the doors to open and the mad dash for Boxing Day deals to begin. So, just after midnight, I called the 24 hours Sho.ppers Dr.ug Ma.rt to see if they were open for Boxing Day already. They didn’t answer the phone until nearly 1am and once I discovered they were opened I dusted off my car, drove over there, bought some things, stopped at my house, made two Christmas cards, then drove back to my parents’ house and was in bed before 3am, with lofty goals of waking up at 6:30am to be among the first to get to Walm.art to take advantage of its sales, starting at 7am. Well I slept through the alarm and woke up an hour later than planned. I brushed my teeth and headed to the store and picked up a few things. I proceeded to shop for the next six hours—I still cannot believe I was out for six hours! From Walm.art I went to Chap.ters, then Mich.aels, then I.KEA, then Sho.ppers Dru.g Mar.t (a different location), then Walm.art (again), then a mall (this drained me: so. many. people!), then Pharm.aPlus, then Sho.ppers Dru.g Mar.t (my third location), then another mall (not as crowded but still draining). Then I crashed at my parents’ house.

I don’t know what it is about Boxing Day and Black Friday that gets my adrenaline pumping. I remember driving into the busy mall and entering a traffic jam just to get into the parking lot and being excited, squealing to my sister (over the phone) that I “love this!” (don’t worry, I have a hands-free phone system in the car).

For the rest of the week I revisited most of the stores I had gone to on Boxing Day and picked up a few extra things. I’m most excited about the Christmas craft supplies that snagged; now I just have to remember to start Christmas crafting in October.

**The story of the pictures of my sister and Brother #2, and my mom and I makes me laugh. My sister was sitting on the stairs and the four of us were talking. All of a sudden, Brother #2 hops on my sister’s lap and the way he hopped on just cracked the rest of us up. What else could I do but snap a picture of it and decide to recreate the same thing with my mom. Luckily my mom is very playful and good-natured so we got our picture too.

I had my first counselling session yesterday. The counsellor was exactly what I expected from our phone call last week: an older woman (early 50s I’d say), kind of straightforward, and a little bit “eccentric cat lady”. I did not predict her extensive giraffe collection or the plants that have clearly taken over her home but that’s ok (because I love plants and I happened to notice she has some succulents I may request clippings of…if that doesn’t cross the counsellor-client barrier). I don’t have strong feelings about her in one way or another so I’ll see her again before I decide if I want to continue with her.

What I took away from the session is to give Brother #1 space but always send him love (which I can do without actually interacting with him). I have to also let my parents speak for themselves when Brother #1 is being disrespectful, instead of jumping in and trying to protect my parents. I also have to stop trying to save him from what might be the path he has to go through before coming around: I’m so afraid that if he turns away from us he’ll hit rock bottom and be too proud to reach out for help but maybe that’s what has to happen for him to see that we truly love him and only want the best for him. The counsellor was for me, not him, so I have to focus on what I have to do.

Christmas is here and surprise surprise I’m not ready. I’m really trying not to stress about it because first of all, I hate all the hoopla about gifts. I find gift-giving is more stress than it’s worth most of the time, and the worst part is that I get stressed about other people’s gift-giving! For example, I ran into my mom at the store this week: I had no idea she was at that mall or in that particular store. She was there buying a gift for her friend whose birthday is on Christmas Eve. My mom had picked a calendar and a book and was ready to pay for them. I proceeded to scrutinize her choices and wonder aloud if her friend would like these offerings. My mom was not at all bothered: she said that she picked what she wanted for her friend and if her friend didn’t like them she could exchange the gifts for something else. I love my mom’s approach to gift-giving: once she’s decided what she wants to get for someone and buys it, she doesn’t spend an extra second agonizing over whether or not the person will like the gift (though she does sometimes stress over Christmas gifts for immediate family members though!).

I’m not as secure as she is, sadly, and that’s why I’ve tried to eliminate gift-giving and receiving opportunities from my life as much as possible. Anyone who gives me a gift this year will receive an expression of appreciation and likely nothing more. I’ve always hated that “you-gave-me-a-gift-so-I-feel-obliged-to-give-you-a-gift” feeling that is so prevalent in today’s society. I figure if someone gives me a gift and they’re irate that all they received from me was a thank you, then a) their heart wasn’t in the right place when giving the gift in the first place and b) they won’t give me a gift next year, so gift-related awkwardness is gone.

And isn’t it just like me to showcase two sweet ornaments that I received from my friend Gen at my Christmas fête in an entry about my Scrooge-like approach to gift-giving? My point is once shopping for a gift progresses to a stressful affair due to not being able to figure out what to buy, then it’s not cool.

The only person you can change is you.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

Brother #1 and I have not been getting along for years. We clash regularly and although I’m older by seven years, my so-called maturity doesn’t show when fighting with him. I almost always apologize to him after our fights, not because my point isn’t valid but because of the way I tried to make my point, because I resorted to yelling and screaming. He has never dignified my apologies with a response.

Until today, I didn’t realize that as far as he’s concerned, we have been in the middle of one big fight for all these years. I try not to hold grudges as a general philosophy, and when we’re not fighting I always thought things were fine between us because I didn’t sense any tension. Of course I realized that our fights touched on the same themes, but I really didn’t think things between us were that bad, to the point where he wants nothing to do with me. He’s told me before that he doesn’t care for me, that I’m nothing to him, even that he hates me, but I thought they were words spoken in anger. Maybe they are, but what I realized as I responded to his text message today is that I had reached my limit too: my heart is broken that he does not care for me as his sister, as a human, even though I’d die for him. But I don’t have to fix him; I can’t fix him (I’ve tried in different ways over the years to reach out to him). My job now is to do what I need to do to fix me.

I hate the feeling of being estranged from people, especially if I didn’t do anything to cause it. I hate the feeling that someone hates me “just because”, but I have to accept that this happens and I cannot control it. My family is incredibly close, but over the years Brother #1 has made it clear that he does not want to be close to us and that’s painful. He makes an effort to miss milestones of family members. He’s one sixth of our family and always will be, but he wants out. He’s decided the other family members are bearable in small doses but he’s made sure to let me know that I’m the one he has the least use for. That hurts.

But this experience is not at all unique: lots of families deal with estrangement. In my reply to his text message, I told him I’ll honour his desire to no longer interact. Maybe this tactic will work, maybe it won’t, but right now I have to try to take the focus off fixing him and turn my attention to myself and my flaws. My hope is that with the professional help I’m seeking, I’ll learn how to interact with my family, including Brother #1, without feeling sick to my stomach about our non-relationship. I know that good things will come from this move to seek help. I’ll pray too that things change between us for the better, but I’m looking forward to learning how to find some peace or sense of “okayness”, even if things remain like this.

First of all, it is the anniversary of when I started work with my current employer. It has been six years. I can’t remember if I ever shared the story of how I came to work there (oh, I made a long story short on my one year work anniversary post), so let me share it with some more detail. One good thing that came out of my tumultuous university career (another blog entry that needs to be written, “for posterity” as they say) is that I realized during the process of working in the lab for my fourth year project and thesis that I did not enjoy lab work. I disliked the rush to discover something, and the lack of time to enjoy the discovery before it was off to discover the next thing. And the pressure to publish is not something that appealed to me.

This discovery didn’t stop me from applying to lab jobs after I graduated in 2004, because I wanted to start earning the money I was told I’d earn with a degree. I got a job working for an hourly wage with a Psychologist who needed a writer and research/administrative assistant, and while I was working there in early 2005, my dad asked me if I had heard of a particular job search engine. I had and I was using it (rather passively), but I decided to check it out that day. I saw the ad for a scientific writer position with my current employer and hemmed and hawed about applying, since they were seeking someone with a Masters in science. My good old pops of course had to encourage me that having two Bachelors degrees, one in science and one in arts, could be an asset. So I got my writing samples together and hand delivered my application. The receptionist was nice enough but I thought she’d toss my application because I was submitting it on the last day (not because I was procrastinating; it was just the timing of when I saw the ad).

Well she didn’t toss application and I was called in for an interview. I was nervous (I’m always nervous, even now), but I thought it was a good interview. The office manager at the time was not pleased by the fact that I had a part time job (the clothing store), and I got the feeling that I had answered her question regarding what I would do about my part time job if I got this job incorrectly (I had said I’d keep the job since I didn’t see a conflict between them). I didn’t get the job.

But then about six months later I got a call from the organization asking if I’d like a one year position to cover a maternity leave. They stroked my ego by telling me I was their second choice (I’ll never know the truth: maybe all their other applicants had found better jobs by then!).

(It looks like I documented my third year work anniversary and wrote a snippet about work in my entry about three years ago.)

Less than six months after I began work there, a permanent position was created and my boss pushed me to apply for it. Again I didn’t think I had a chance because I didn’t feel I was qualified but things worked out well (I was still nervous at the interview; my boss said something like “Jummy, you know us!”). Since then the position has morphed a bit and the title has changed, but I feel very, very blessed. I have made friends on the job and I’ve learned a lot too. My writing has improved as well. Six years later, I’ve gotten a little sloppy, and I plan to change that. I have become comfortable, possibly too comfortable, and I need to regain that old fear from my early days where I felt that I’d be axed if I did something wrong. It might be a weird thing to want but I think someone out there might know what I mean.

I’m celebrating my six-year anniversary by taking the day off! Maybe I should go to work but um, it’s almost 4am!

***

The other significant thing about November 14 is it’s World Diabetes Day. Four years ago, that motivated me to rulk (that’s run/walk) to raise money for the Canadian Diabetes Association. The reason that diabetes means something to me is because my mom is diabetic.

Since 2008 I haven’t done anything else for the cause, except sign some online petitions. I actually tried to sign up to run/walk this year but it was sold out very early (I may have breathed an inward sigh of relief but I was also disappointed at the time). I may have agreed to do try the 5K race in 2012 with my friend Allison, but I can also see myself trying to get out of it. The thought of running 5 kilometres fills me with dread for many reasons, but hey if there’s one thing I got out of Oprah’s Lifeclasses it’s if running that race is a dream of mine, it is achievable.

And another bit of good news: it appears that reruns of the five weeks of Lifeclasses begins today, which is yet another reason to appreciate November 14.

Family
My parents are doing alright physically. My dad (who now lives in this city six hours away nicknamed Hammy) has been walking to and from work since May and I think it’s doing him a lot of good. He’s been mentioning ankle pain for a couple of months now and back pain in the last month but he’s on top of figuring out what’s going on. Emotionally I think he could be doing better: the separation from his family is not as easy to deal with. He now has a website, and he believes it’ll his route to financial freedom. Although we disagree on certain elements of what he’s trying to do online, I’ve helped him set up a website and will continue to help him any way I can.

My mom has several health conditions, so I always worry about her. She had surgery on her right hand almost four months ago and although it has healed a lot, it’s not yet at 100%. As a result we’re holding off on the surgery for her left hand. She needs to get out walking, for regular exercise, but she’s too social to ever adopt a solo walking thing, and her work schedule isn’t regular enough unfortunately for her to set a schedule of which days of the week she’ll exercise. I’m hoping my sister will encourage her to go out now and then, before the really cold weather comes. I could do more and make time to go walking with her but I have to admit it’s not something that fills me with excitement. But maybe I could suck it up and stop being so selfish.

I love my parents’ love for each other. They genuinely care about each other and treat each other so well. They embody the “in sickness and in health” and “for better and for worse” elements of their wedding vows.

My sister is working on leaving her truly dead-end job. She works in a doctor’s office as a receptionist and doesn’t have benefits at her work place. With the exception of the one day she takes off to go camping with my friends and I, her time off is when the doctor takes her own holidays, which are frequent but still…it would be nice if she could decide could take holidays when she wants. To be fair, her boss probably wouldn’t say no, but it’s kind of understood that my sister will as much as possible make her schedule jive with her boss’s. My sister had a job interview at the end of September for a casual/temporary job with the government and we’re all hoping it’s the kick in the pants she needs to get out there and into dedicated job hunting. It’s hard to believe she’s 30 years old now. She’s no longer a kid and she needs to start making decisions about her life, rather than waiting for my parents and I to guide her. This very issue has been a constant source of fights between her and I over the years. She is “talking to” a guy long distance and he’s hoping to come visit so they can make sure they are a good match. She’s a huge music buff and recently loaned me her Adele cd.

Brother #1 will turn 25 years old this month. I can’t believe this adorable kid with this perfect skin has grown into a huge guy with that same perfect skin. He’s always been difficult personality-wise but I’m hoping that he’s mellowing with age, and every now and again I see hints of this. I think a lot of his problem relates to his high beer consumption but he claims I’m mistaken. He and I clash on a regular basis: he’s rude and extremely disrespectful to my parents and the rest of the family, and I can’t deal with that. Since I do believe in God and his ability to change lives, I just have to remember to pray for him. I think he’ll be finished his degree next year so then hopefully he can get a good job (he often complains that he’s not making enough money). He’s very passionate about beer and he even makes his own beer which I think is pretty neat. He puts up pictures and descriptions of his beer-making on Facebook, and I’ve told him to start a blog but he claims that wouldn’t be a good way for him to share his experience. Maybe one day he’ll go that route. He’s very secretive about his relationships: he brings these girls around but claims they aren’t his girlfriend. He dislikes spending time with my siblings and I, but we keep asking him to, so that he doesn’t feel excluded.

Brother #2, nicknamed Boy Wonder by my sister, seems to land on his feet no matter what. He’s 23, gets fabulous jobs (right now he’s working part time for the government and also working for the public relations team at his university). He’s social, friendly, and likes to put people in a good mood. He and I fight every now and again but he’s used to charming a smile back on my face, after making a humble apology. Let’s just say he has people skills. He’s girl crazy. I want him to finish his degree before getting caught up in a relationship but I don’t think he’ll heed my advice. He spends money like every day is his last. His attitude towards money turns me off because he will struggle to find money to pay for school (and consider asking my parents for a loan), yet he can afford to pay far too much for clothing or food, and his regular trips to visit friends in various places in our province. I’ve forbidden him from asking my parents for a loan. Despite all this my sister and I feel very strongly that he’s going places.

What a contrast in brothers!

I see my family at least once a week, usually on Sundays after church and on Saturdays too. I’ll sometimes pop in in the middle of the week as well, and lucky me: there’s usually a delicious dinner cooking.

I’d say our family goals are to find ways to pay for some renovations on my parents’ home and also to pay off the rest of the mortgage. If my dad didn’t have a mortgage hanging around his neck, he’d move back to our city and take his time finding a job since his retirement income would probably give them enough to live decently for a while. My dad also desperately wants my mom to stop working in her department store job that has her on her feet eight hours a day, five days a week. I know we can reach these goals if we work together, as cheesy as it sounds. Given how hard my parents work, how well they manage money and how much they have done for me, it would be my honour to contribute in some way to helping them reach the family goals.

I was supposed to be off work from Monday to Friday, but instead I took Tuesday to Friday off, then I took yesterday, Monday, off as well. On Tuesday I went for lunch with a friend, then visited another friend who had a sweet little boy 10 days earlier. I’ll share a picture of him up once I get permission to do so. After some baby time I went to my parents’ place to hang out for a bit. My mom convinced me to sleep over so I went home to get what I would need for my upcoming trip and I slept at their house overnight.

By noon on Wednesday, I was off to visit my father in Hammy (my nickname for his new hometown). It was quite an ordeal to get out of the house. As I mentioned in my last entry I wanted to do a blood test before leaving on my trip but I needed to fast for 12 hours. I had eaten dinner quite late in the evening so I had to wait until 10:30am before going to the blood test lab. Also, I had some library books to return and some things I wanted to bring to Hammy at my house so I had to make a trip back home and get those things.

The road trip was uneventful and all I can say is thank God for GPS! I didn’t get lost and I don’t recall any driving mishaps, well maybe one or two moments that made me realize that I have to concentrate 100% on the road. I took a 30 minute break a little more than halfway through and arrived in Toronto around 4:40pm where I met Cynthia and her husband for a whirlwind tour of TO, a quick meal and dessert (their treat) before I was off.

I could have done without the traffic getting out of TO. I still have no idea why it took me 30 minutes to travel 7km around 9:00pm on a Wednesday night, and I have no idea if it’s always like that. Once I left TO behind the drive was pretty smooth. The best part was surprising my dad. I called my mom once I arrived at his apartment building. She excitedly told me that she hadn’t told him that I was on my way (as planned) and that he was about to go to bed.

I called my dad and asked how he was doing. He said he was fine and he asked me the same. Then (and I can’t remember exactly what I said because I was so excited by the surprise), I asked if he could come to his bedroom window and he wanted to know why then I banged on his bedroom window. He asked what was going on; he was clearly confused. I of course was squealing at this point. Once he looked and saw me he came around to his balcony door and I was standing there jumping up and down and squealing. The thought makes me laugh! I started passing my bags to him and he was speechless through this. I went to park the car in the parking lot and came in and he was still short of words. My mom called shortly after and between her and my sister’s squeals and mine, it’s hard to say if much conversing went on. By the time he finished talking to my mom the shock was starting to wear off.

The three nights that I spent there went by too quickly. I spent much of Thursday cleaning his apartment from top to bottom and figuring out what supplies and food items he was running low on. I had brought some things with me so I got those out of the car while he was at work. He came home for lunch and I had warmed up part of his leftovers for him. That evening he had prior plans for dinner so I dropped him off there and went shopping. I explored the city a bit too. My dad had decided to take a half-day at work on Friday so he asked me to pick a place we could explore together.

On Friday I went to visit him at work and see the state-of-the-art laboratory where he now works. I met some of his colleagues too and snapped a picture of him at his desk. We came home for lunch (my mom had baked a delicious lasagna that she sent down with me) and while warming up the lasagna I got this burn:

After lunch we headed to my chosen tourist spot: Dundurn Castle:

My dad looks so cute here!

My dad and I were the only ones on the tour so it ended up being a private tour. The tour guide, Adam, let us go behind the dividers meant to separate the guide from the tourists on several occasions. We both really enjoyed it.

By Friday evening we knew my visit was coming to an end. We went out for dinner and talked a bit. When we came home I baked some blueberry muffins and then we worked on building his website. After that I had my dessert (which I had taken home from the restaurant because I was full earlier) and tea and we talked some more. He was so cute and he told me he was already starting to miss me.

On Saturday morning, I curled up on his couch and got teary at the thought of leaving him as I knew I would. Now that my parents are getting older I feel more protective of them and knowing that my dad is going through a rough time at work and in Hammy in general made me feel bad for having to leave him there. One reason I love my dad is he’s not afraid to shed a tear or two if he’s emotional. His love for his family is one thing that always gets him emotional, and I am so thankful that God gave me a family that is demonstrative when showing love.

He helped me pack the car, we said a prayer for safe journeys for me and there were more tears. We hugged, he gave me some gas money and I was off. I called him along to way to let him know I was ok (he’s a worrier) and when I arrived home safe and sound I called him again.

I wish my time in Hammy could have been extended but not this time around. I hope I lifted his spirits for a while until we see him again, and I’m already thinking about the next surprise visit I can spring on him. He’s such a great dad and I would do anything to prevent him from feeling the way he currently feels.

Anyway, I’m glad that everything went well!