One thing that the Olympics have reminded me of is that we all have a story. It’s easy to forget that some of these incredible athletes are humans with pesky younger siblings too. When you see attractive, fit athletes posing for pictures and beaming, it’s easy to think that their road to this success has been relatively smooth.

But as Canada has introduced us to its medal hopefuls, we’ve met people like Alexandre Bilodeau, who won the first gold medal that Canada has ever won on home soil, whose story of the strength that he has drawn from his older brother who has cerebral palsy brought me to tears on more than one occasion. And more recently, hearing of the passing of Joannie Rochette’s mother upon her arrival in Vancouver to watch her daughter compete, and hearing that Joannie has decided to compete as it’s what her mother would have wanted, really touched me. These are the more striking stories, but there is no athlete that has been featured on the many many news reports whose life doesn’t have an interesting tidbit to share with the world.

And it’s true of us all. We may never win a medal or get on television, but that doesn’t diminish the value of our lives and the stories that we have. For at least a decade, my father has been saying that he’s going to write his story. I have actually always thought my parents have an amazing story so it’ll be my honour to be part of that process. I may even spearhead it!

We immigrated to Canada and I vaguely remember coming to a new country and all that involved. I think that’s why this Tim Horton’s commercial is so touching to me.

There is a lot more Olympics viewing in my future this week and I’m looking forward to catching the ice dancing finals and even some hockey. I know: I don’t recognize me either!

The other tradition I wanted to start is one where my sister will sleep over at my place on Christmas Eve, and we’ll head over to my parents place on Christmas Day. Our church holds a Christmas Eve service that is usually over by 8:30pm, so the plan was we’d head over to my place and watch movies and hang out. We ended up going to my parents’ place before heading to my place, and for one reason or another we didn’t arrive at my place until after 1 o’clock in the morning. We proceeded to talk for several hours before retiring well into Christmas morning.

Our family tried doing a Secret Santa gift exchange for the first time, one where each person selects a name and buys for that one person. Since some family members didn’t like not being able to buy gifts for others, people who wanted to could buy (smaller) gifts for other people they wanted to buy for. It worked out fairly well despite all the complaints I heard prior to Christmas Day (regarding why it had to be a secret Santa, not wanting to buy for the person they had selected, etc). I was the only one who was genuinely surprised by the person who had chosen my name (brother #1).

There were some unexpected tears: a particularly heartwarming moment between Brother #1 and my sister cued the waterworks (as Brother #1 is fond of saying), and each of us received a piece of artwork from an acquaintance of my mom’s. She (acquaintance) has fibromyalgia, which leaves her in pain a large part of the time but she uses her artwork to distract her from the physical pain. Each year she selects ten people to make artwork for and this year our family was among that number. The card and note she included with the gift was very touching, and we were all moved.

We don’t get up early to open gifts anymore, now that my siblings are men, so it was around midday by the time we were finished with the gift opening. I took a nap because I knew I’d have to rest up for Boxing Day…more on that later. But back to the idea of Christmas traditions, what are some things that must happen or be done for it to feel like Christmas to you?

The tree smells less musty now, and it may not be tossed in the trash after Christmas after all (especially since I read that on the real versus artificial tree debate, real trees are better for the environment due to the length of time artificial trees require to break down in landfills).

But to get back to the title of this entry: as I was washing the tools of my handiwork after a particularly productive day of baking, I started thinking of the things I’ve learned, some which I have actively acknowledged and recall learning, and others that came to mind only after thinking about it:

╣Wanting to do something very badly but not doing it is exactly the same as not doing it.

╣Other people should be allowed to live their lives the way they want, just as I’m allowed to live my life the way I see fit to.

╣Topics that are none of my business include how others raise their children, spend their money or relate to their families.

╣Sugar really does make my menstrual cramps worse.

╣I really don’t know much about the right guy for me besides the qualities/habits that will be deal breakers. I do know the man I end up with will have qualities that I never thought of: some of these qualities will drive me nuts and others will endear him to me even more.

╣If you have not done your part to find a solution to a problem when you could have, you have no real right to complain.

╣Staying up late because you don’t feel tired will always come back to bite you in the butt.

╣Learning to work smarter rather than harder or longer is the key to promotion in the workplace.

╣Multitasking makes me less productive.

╣11-7pm would be the best work schedule to maximize my productivity.

╣Looking or dressing shabbily is a form of abuse against one’s self.

╣My first instinct is usually right.

Let me tell you how I spent my Halloween night. I didn’t give out candy this year (I know! My first Halloween in my new place and I didn’t stay home!). Instead I volunteered to work at my occasional job since all the other girls who work there are 2/3 of my age or younger, and were eager to go to parties and other events and I not a fan of wearing costumes/dressing up. My excuse is that Halloween is not a Nigerian thing, and even though 27 of my 30 years have been spent in Canada or the USA, and my parents let us participate in this Halloween thing, besides the candy-getting aspect I haven’t ever really been a fan. We were never the family who had an elaborate setup on our lawn or porch; one pumpkin was enough.

After work, I decided to go to club. Earlier in the day I was wringing my hands over the phone with a friend (Hi, Allison!), wondering if I should go out in a public place full of people in close quarters, thereby increasing my chances of H1N1 exposure (more on that later), or if I should head home after work to my lover, the Internet. I picked the former and I had honestly the best time I’ve had in a club in years. The music was SO HOT: a mix of popular stuff and old school stuff and I dance better if I can sing along. So if you ever go to a club and see a Black girl with unfocused eyes (I don’t like to make eye contact with people, even friends when I’m at a club), singing at the ceiling while gyrating wildly and making odd gesticulations, that would be me! I get so into the music and I think that’s why it’s important for me to be able to connect further by singing! I was on fire dancing-wise, breaking into moves that I had never done before. None of it was anything special (just more changes in speed of movement, hand gestures and foot movements), mind you, but I felt so awesome. I guess my body had needed that for a while.

Back to H1N1: are any of you getting the shot? My mom is in one of the groups recommended to get the shot and thank God she got that little task out of the way, after 4-5 hours of waiting. So many waited for that time, only to be turned away. When I didn’t know when my mother would be able to get the shot, I felt I should get it because I’d hate to get the flu and fight it, only to pass it to her and have her suffer more, but now that she’s been vaccinated, I can go back to my obsessive handwashing and alcohol-based hand sanitizer using, and possibly skip the lineups and gripes related to getting the shot. I may still get the shot when the craziness dies down, but I feel fairly confident in my prevention work (though I may not club again until I get the shot).

Here’s how it goes: a friend will invite me to an event and give me a lot of advance notice (3-4 weeks at least). Before accepting the invitation, I will make sure that it doesn’t conflict with any major events in the lives of my family and closest friends. If I think there might be a conflict, I try to make an educated guess as to the day/time my family/friend might have their event and sometimes even ask them when their event might be, and let the friend who invited me whether or not I can attend their event based on this.

And without fail, my closest friends will be unable to have their event when they would normally have it and they will want to have their event on the same day that I’ve already committed to attending the other event, at an awkward time that I would never have guessed I’d have a time conflict (recent example 9:30am on a Sunday!!???!!! Is this a sign that we are getting old that we’re meeting in the morning on a weekend?)! And to make matters worse, I’ll get the latter invitation a few days before the event which would make backing out of the previous invitation not only rude but impossible according to the way I roll (I think it’s beyond rude to decline an invitation you previously accepted because someone you’re closer to plans something at the last minute anyway, so I try never to do it unless it’s an emergency or something like the birth of a child). (That doesn’t mean I can’t be irked that I have to feel something very close to guilt for not being able to attend the second event, apparently.)

And to make matters worse (for me) I’m always the only one who seems to be unable to make it on short notice. All the other people seem to have planned for this unexpected event and are therefore able to make it. And the next time I see them, I am asked why I wasn’t at such and such an event (it’s the mutual friends asking, not the person who was hosting the event because I always tell them why I can’t make it). Guilt-like feelings ensue (though I am against feeling guilty so I try to explain the logistical obstacles in a matter-of-fact way).

Whenever I make the mistake of mentioning the situation to my sister, she says I should attend the event of the person I’m closest to. Simple, right? But to me it’s really rude to decline an invitation at the last moment because “something else came along”.

What I’m going to do in this particular case is attend the event I previously committed to, have a great time and find another time to spend with my friend. It’s the best solution but I’m always left feeling like the bad friend (by no one by myself, let me be clear).

What do you/would you/have you done in a similar siutation?

I’m 30 and I feel great! 30 is just a number…a very big number, but it’s a milestone that I feel blessed to have reached. So I celebrated.

On my actual birthday I went to Red Lobster for dinner with my family. How I love seafood! So yummy. Then we went back to my place for dessert…not that we had dessert…or so I thought! My mom had actually bought our traditional icecream cake and dropped it off at the house earlier (they have a key). It was funny because as I went to open the door to the house, I said that I wouldn’t be surprised if she had been in my house earlier in the day and put the cake in the freezer, but I didn’t think she would have thought of that, especially when she claimed to not have her key. I’m not even sure why I mentioned it. I went upstairs to get something and when I entered my room I noticed the window was open! When I had been trying to get my air conditioning to work earlier (to no avail) I had closed all windows in the house so at first my heart skipped a beat but then I instantly knew my innocent comment at the door was spot on and my mom had been there earlier. As I rounded the corner in the kitchen to tell my mom I was on to her, I surprised her as she was putting candles on my cake. It was almost a true surprise but it was lovely (and delicious) nevertheless.

My family can be exasperating but they know how to make a birthday girl feel special. I felt the love, ate and was merry.

I took the next day off from work, since it was a Friday. After my 8am appointment for my 30 Day inspection, I was treated to brunch by Allison and her husband. Yum! I had a great time with them as usual…I love their rapport; it’s always great to get to observe a couple that I believe has a good relationship.

The evening was my birthday party with friends. A year or so ago, I had visions of having a huge bash, the sort that I’d have to rent out a hall for, but by the time my birthday approached I didn’t feel like having a birthday party full of people that I wasn’t so close to; I wanted a smaller event with friends that I care about and want to continue to be friends with as we get older. That actually came up during brunch, the idea of wanting to focus on the quality of friendships rather than quantity. It actually felt good to not invite people I wasn’t that close to.

Although after that evening, I may have to go looking for new friends because I kept them waiting for 45 minutes before I finally showed up! Somehow time ran away from me. The plan was to have dinner at a restaurant and then come home for dessert. After brunch, I had a hair appointment with a new hairdresser. Unlike most African salons I’ve been to, this woman works by appointment only, so when we set my appointment for 1:30pm, I wanted to make a good impression and arrived five minutes early. She didn’t get started on my hair until 2:20pm. I was furious but I kept it in. I found it rude that she didn’t apologize for keeping me waiting either…some people simply have no idea how much a sincere apology does to soothe ruffled feathers.

Anyway, that set me behind a bit, though my hair looked great, probably the best it’s ever looked (but I was too busy running around like a chicken with its head cut off to capture it). I was officially running late and the things I still needed to do (create a music mix, cut up the fruit, clean the living room/dining room, mix up icing and ice the cupcakes, clean the powder room) were clearly not going to get done in time so I focused on the last three and by the time I finished them I was officially late, and still had to pick up my sister and before heading to the restaurant.

I actually thought I’d be lucky and only my most punctual friends would be there by the time I showed up but when you’re 45 minutes late, even the not-so-punctual people manage to make it there. I felt awful and on the drive over I was freaking out, especially when we got a call saying that everyone was there. Anyway, we arrived, I apologized but was teased mercilessly about it, to the point where I thought I’d have to excuse myself because I was about to cry (thankfully it was my birthday so I would have been allowed to cry if I wanted to). I held it together though and dinner was fine (actually it was really delicious).

Things chez moi went off without a hitch. The desserts were enjoyed, I had volunteers to help me with the fruit and music-wise we ended up downloading finding what we needed as we went along. It was awesome too to play Nigerian music and get most people dancing. I was spoiled quite disgustingly too by everyone. One of the gifts (purpler in person):

(Courtesy of Rich, Ves and Eli)

I had a great time and I guess you know you’re old when a party that ends around midnight seems late enough.

First, the women in my church would like to throw me a house warming morning event (9am early! On a Saturday!) because that is the time they usually get together. Some of these women are mothers to young children and this 9am thing on Saturdays is a time they’ve already committed to getting away from their busy lives. It’s a sweet (and very unexpected) gesture, especially because I pretty much keep to myself at the church. Besides teaching Sunday School every four weeks or so, I keep a low profile. My parents, however, are quite active at church and their lives are testaments to their beliefs, while my life leaves much to be desired (I have this tendency to be selfish, and ungenerous with my belongsings, time and money), so perhaps it’s a fondness for my parents that has led to this. Also, some of these women have known me for a staggering 18 years. Isn’t that crazy?

The ladies told me to give them a list of things I need so they can help out. They even said I didn’t have to host it at my place but I will because it’ll give them all an opportunity to know where I live. I’m going to offer to be responsible for the refreshments too, and am excited at the thought of preparing some “continental breakfast” type items: an assortment of home-baked muffins and biscuits, fruit salad, and an assortment of drinks. I like organizing parties.

And later that day, I’m planning to throw my house warming party (note to self: sort out details and send out e-nvitations). The house will already be somewhat clean and “guest ready” so why not have something later in the day? was my train of thought. I was thinking of the house warmings I’ve been to in the past and some are an early afternoon thing for a couple of hours, while some are more of an after dinner (7pm and on) affair, complete with fingerfood, music and mingling. I’m leaning toward this.

So yay! It’ll be a great opportunity to get everyone who’s interested to see the place and know where they can find me when they find my dream guy and want to send him to my door.

My birthday is about three weeks after my housewarming, and part of me wants to throw a huge bash (it is my 30th, after all!) at my place. However, I have reason to believe the woman who lives below me is a tad crusty, so we’ll see how she handles my house warming before planning the aforementioned bash any further.

There’s something about Christmas that encourages contemplation and a desire to be quiet and reflect on the past year. In fact, I find that Christmas more than December 31 makes me think of the end of the year and all those things I wanted to do but did not quite get around to doing. This year is definitely the fastest moving year I’ve had and I can’t wait to do my annual quiz and use that as a tool to reflect.

A coworker reminded me that this will be my last Christmas in the family home! Even if I wake up at the crack of dawn next December 25 and drive over, or if I sleep over on Christmas eve (an idea that just occurred to me), I don’t think it’ll be quite the same. Just thinking of this got me thinking about visiting my family in general and hoping that living nearly 30 years with my parents is a guarantee that I’ll never feel like a stranger or out of it with respect to knowing what’s going on. I’m not sure if it’s my natural nosiness or my closeness to the family that’s making me want to still be “in the know” with respect to the family.

Anyway, I’m all in favour of enjoying Christmas 2008 and wishing you a very Merry Christmas and best wishes for the new year!

So isn’t it just fitting that two nights ago when I really needed it, I had already been drawn as one of two winners of Stacy Anne de la Rosa’s (you have to write her whole name out because it looks and sounds so pretty together) giveaway!

I enter giveaways every now and then, but don’t often win (the lovely Brenda did choose me as the winner of the gorgeous banner that graces this page). I had a choice of either the YES WE CAN pendant or the HOPE pendant, and I don’t think it takes a genius to figure out which one I selected:

(image from Stacy’s etsy shop)

In Stacy’s entry announcing the winners, she explains how she picked Linni and I:

So, before randomly choosing two names, I lit a candle, threw a little prayer out to the universe that these necklaces would find their way to two people who truly needed them in this moment, closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

I love that. Thank you, Stacy.

(isn’t it funny that I was talking about not being a winner earlier in the week?)

I’ve sang the praises of Allison before, and she deserves it. She is one of the most real people I know: enthusiastic, friendly, and, as someone said in their speech at Allison’s wedding, generous to a fault.

I got to know Allison through Nora and even though I didn’t really know her too well, she came to my rescue three years ago. The details are now fuzzy in my mind but it involved a bridal shower I was organizing and a cake I had to pick up. My parents were away for the weekend and I didn’t have my driver’s license or a car to drive for that matter. It was very important to me that the shower be top-notch and I was feeling the stress, bigtime. I hadn’t felt much support from the people I had expected to help either, so I was quite angry and hurt at the time. I needed someone to help me pick up the cake for the shower and out of desperation (after calling others), I called Allison, though I didn’t know her very well. She cheerfully came to my rescue and helped me pick up the cake, drop it off at the house of the bride-to-be’s mother and then dropped me off at home, all with her customary “Oh, it’s no trouble” attitude (while cursing her inability to be mean, no doubt).

Over the past three years we’ve become closer, most especially in the last year and a half. She and her (then) fiancé moved within walking distance of my parents’ house recently, and we’ve met to walk and rant a few times since. I’ve enjoyed getting to know her better and I was really looking forward to attending her wedding.

I was not disappointed.

Allison was totally her cute self during the wedding, causing those of us attending the wedding to laugh a few times, and the couple was equally cute during their vows. The reception was nice but the best part in my opinion was the bride and groom’s first dance. Now one thing about Allison is she’s modest. I have no doubt she’s freaky behind closed doors (hehehe) but she’s not one for excessive PDAs so that’s why the dance was so unexpected. They danced to Santa Maria. I don’t think it’s possible to dance sedately or unsexily to this music, and Allison and her husband did not disappoint. I loved their facial expressions during the dance, too. I couldn’t tell if they were dancing a paso doble or a tango (or a medley of Latin dances, perhaps?) but they were definitely telling a story, something along the lines of the man approaching the woman, the woman rejecting his advances (yet also flirting with him just enough to keep him interested). It was very Rock the Reception (except it wasn’t a hip hop routine) and I thought it was brilliant. I can’t wait to see the video!

The last month and a bit before the wedding wasn’t easy for the couple at all, and the way the groom talked about it in his speech and thanked his wife was so sweet. The whole wedding was heartwarming and made me feel happy that one of those couples who are in this for the long haul, for the marriage and not just the wedding, got married.

I wish them all the best, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.