I did something that I haven’t done in three years: I went on a date. With a guy I met online. Shortly after I agreed to do so, I realized that #26 on my 30 by 30 list could be half crossed off. Which immediately made me think that maybe I could cajole another guy into asking me out in the next 24 hours so I could cross it off completely.

It was ok; nothing to write home about. I am fixated on the little things that failed to make me swoon, but first dates can be awkward, so perhaps a second date will be a better judge of our chemistry (which I felt was absent).

I may see him again, I may not. It’s very up in the air in a non-complicated away. In the meantime I am barely resisting saying yes to the persistent 52 year old man, the 19 year old who asked me if I like young men (younger than my youngest brother? No thanks!) and the man who is a fan of big beautiful women (BBW, a platitude for “fat”, i discovered). I find myself constantly refining my profile to weed out fellows like the aforementioned. My profile now indicates the age range of the men (man?) I’m seeking, and tells the outliers that if they don’t get a response to their message from me, that is why and also includes a request that fat fetishists need not apply. One has to be a bit ruthless in this online dating world in order to survive.

And back to that BBW thing. Why do we have to add a “beautiful” to it? The other options are things like “slim”, “athletic”, “muscular”, “a few extra pounds”. Why does the largest weight designation have to be softened with the word “beautiful”? I’m big, I’m fat, I may be beautiful, but that is something they can see by looking at my profile picture or getting to know me. I agree with my friend Rich that the use of the word “beautiful’ in BBW is a way of putting a positive spin on a largely (heh) undesirable state. Yes, I’m big but wait…I’m big and beautiful! How do you like me now?

Lame.

Filed under: Love?, Outrospective by jummy