That dull ache

May 26, 2009

I cannot remember the last time I went on a date (the number of years is close to being in the double digits).

I cannot remember the last time I was checked out (if ever).

I cannot remember the last time someone told me that a mutual friend was asking questions about me.

I cannot remember the last time I didn’t feel like the 3rd, 5th, 7th wheel in a social gathering of mixed company.

I had no idea it would take this much time.
I had no idea it would be this difficult.
It is a physical pain.

Encouragement from married or otherwise coupled up friends does not help. Knowing they were once in my situation does not help because we were never in the exact same situation: they had exes galore (or at least a few), men who fancied them who they couldn’t stand, relationships that had a real duration. I know their intentions are good, but in the end they do not cheer me.

I am hopeful and optimistic most of the time, but how many years (literal years!) must I continue to be so? Am I doing myself more harm than good by continuing to think that it’ll happen…one day?

I’m not the sort to give up but sometimes, in the wee hours of the morning like this, it is tempting.

Filed under: Love? by jummy

9 Responses to “That dull ache”

  1. Writefreak, on May 25th, 2009 at 9:25 pm Said:

    Oh Jummy, I can't say I know how this feels..I don't but I feel you, the thought of wanting something everyone seems to have easily and it just seems like it's never coming to you!

    But you must not give up, you must keep hope alive..cos it's never too late. I know of 45 year olds getting married for the first time in their lives! You must continue to be positive darling..I'm sending you a million hugs to brighten your day and I'll be thinking of you.

    xoxoxoxo

  2. Emma, on May 26th, 2009 at 2:57 am Said:

    Jummy, I don't think there's much I can say that is helpful in these situations. You are not my only friend who is feeling like this and I think it is often the case that words from someone in a relationship are not the most desired thing.

    All I can say is that I can see your worth, beauty, intelligence, talent, and uniqueness. I KNOW other people see it, too. These relationship things can be very tricky.

    I am sending you many good wishes.

  3. Deidre, on May 26th, 2009 at 12:01 pm Said:

    I am so sorry! It sucks being lonely! I agree with Emma, you're amazing!!

  4. Bea, on May 26th, 2009 at 2:55 pm Said:

    Ick – I'm not going to say 'I've been there', but I've been here:

    1. Internet Dating

    2. Blind Dates

    3. Set up by parents

    4. Crying because it had been months since a hug

    5. LAST one married

    and now am here:

    a. married, happy – who knew?!

    Big hugs and love xxx

  5. matt, on May 26th, 2009 at 4:24 pm Said:

    hang in there sue didnt meet her mate until her late 30's

    and she didnt really have that much dating up until then

    hes a great hubby.

    It could happen anytime dating sites arent a bad idea though too.

  6. Amanda, on May 26th, 2009 at 4:49 pm Said:

    My Dearest Joomy…

    I won't give you platitudes.

    I will tell you that you are hilarious; you are gifted; you say all the right things at exactly the right times (not intentionally quoting songs here); you are so much more worthy of love than you let yourself believe.

    I can honestly say that I have a full, one hundred percent belief that someone will come to you one day. And that he, too, will be hilarious, gifted, articulate, caring, and worthy of *your* love.

  7. Amy, on May 27th, 2009 at 11:26 am Said:

    My sister is in your exact position. I'll pass her your website address.

    If I stumble across any eligible Canadian bachelors I'll totally send them your way.

  8. sizzle, on May 27th, 2009 at 4:46 pm Said:

    You are not doing more harm than good thinking it will happen. Why not stay positive because who knows what God's/The Universe's plan is? Love is on its way to you. It is!

  9. Rhona, on June 3rd, 2009 at 6:19 am Said:

    hey Jummy

    I can say, I CAN RELATE! I have and am in the same shoes you are in BUT I am older! Being older is much worst…more so. I have only had 1 man kiss me, and it was accident, and I have never had a bf in my life!

    Meanwhile, my best friend is up for her 10yr wedding anniversary in a couple of days. She always had bfs b4 that. All of my other friends, spare 1, is either coupled off or married. But my single friend had bfs in the past. She is just too busy working to date right now.

    I cant think of anything encouraging to say. I went thru this phase myself a few yrs ago. I asked why, why me? Didnt get a reply. My friends tried to help but they cud never relate.

    I can only say….fill ur time and he will come! No, it has not happened to me but I blamed a lot of my non dating on a lot of factors in my life.

    I can only tell u that u are not alone. I think there are a lot of single people out there who feel the same. If it is something that really bothers u, u might have to try some online dating or going on speed dates or clubbing more.

    Sorry I cant be of more help but I had to tell u…I understand your pain.

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