On my way home from Rich and Ves’s place last night (aka this morning), I started thinking about hospitality and how I have some friends who seem to be naturals at being good hosts. I walk into their homes and feel instantly comfortable, and I know I could go to their kitchen and grab a pear, wash it and eat it and they wouldn’t be outraged (by the way, Rich and Ves if you read this: I was tempted to last night but I can’t recall now what stopped me). I usually hang with Ves and Rich once a week, and about 95% of the time it’s at their house so I get to experience that mix of hospitality and comfort regularly. They get to deal with me eating their food and more recently, putting my feet up on their new furniture (um, we were all doing it?). Oh, and years ago they had this lovely dining room set and what did I do practically the first time I was at their place after they got it? I broke one of the dining room chairs! I was mortified and offered to pay for its replacement, but Ves in her usual way insisted it wasn’t even broken (LIAR!) and always maneuvered to keep guests away from the chair when possible, or would sit on it herself when it was necessary to use all seats. Though I didn’t often bring it up, Ves’s reaction was an act of kindness and a form of hospitality that I won’t be forgetting anytime soon. I’ll also be sure to sit on their lovely new furniture with more care in the future.

It’s easy to be hospitable to someone when it’s planned: when you invite them over for dinner, it’s usually planned in advance so you’ve had the time to contemplate the menu and prepare an experience (from dinner to conversation topics to dessert and then after-dinner activities) you think your guest will like. You make sure to say the right things and have the things you need to make the experience good for the guest. When you host on a regular basis, however, it’s easy to forget to ensure that your guests will be comfortable. Here are some things I’ve learned from Rich and Ves on hospitality:

• have on hand an assortment of snacks around to tempt “guests”. If you know their specific favourites, get them, and don’t make “guests” feel like a pig for munching away by joining them and plying them with even more snacks when they should be full
• ask them often if they want a drink or anything, and also let them know they are welcome to help themselves to drinks or other items. Maybe it’s just me but unless someone tells me to help myself to something in their home, I won’t do it.
• be gracious when your “guest” does something that pisses you off or ruins your possession
• do things your “guest” likes, however much you’d rather do something else. SheThey’ll appreciate it.

My parents are also wonderful hosts and they don’t understand why their children are less welcoming. We love going to the homes of others and enjoy being treated nicely yet when it comes to reciprocating we either don’t do it, or do it very seldom under controlled and well-planned circumstances. While living with my parents, I rarely had people come over to “hang out”; it always had to be an actual organized event.

But I want to change (Jummy wanting to change? So unlike me right? Maybe one day I’ll declare ‘this is me and that’s fine’?) and I think having my own place will help with this change. Before, I used to complain that my brothers didn’t contribute to the care of the common areas so I could never just ask someone to drop by because God knows what the place we’d be hanging out in would look like, and I’d want the time to clean and get ready. But once I’m the one responsible for maintaining my place, I’ll have only myself to blame if things look messy.

Anyway, here are some things that I plan to do to improve my hosting skills:

Keep some things that I don’t like, but many others do, in the house
I don’t drink pop so as a result I don’t buy it. The same goes for wine, ice, most condiments and weird chip flavours (anything other than regular, BBQ and sour cream and onion qualifies). A lot of my guests-to-be like these things so I’ll buy a few varieties and have them on hand to be served when they visit. The best part is that since they’re things I don’t like myself, I won’t have to worry about consuming them and gaining weight because they’re around.

Have a decent tv
I’m not a big television person, but I do watch movies. My close friends, however, do enjoy watching television. Add to that the fact that flat screen tvs, the bigger the better, are what’s in the market so as I think I’ve said before, getting a nice television will be a must…though probably not immediately.

Create a welcoming atmosphere chez moi
To me, this means showing pleasure in having the person over, and making them feel welcome and wanted by trying to meet their needs while they’re at your place. It’s a compliment when your guests keep you up until 2 in the morning because they don’t feel rushed to leave and they’re enjoying the conversation. I want my house to be like that.

Future guests will have to tell me how successful my attempts to be hospitable are.

Filed under: Introspective, Operation Home for Jummy by jummy