From the archives
March 29, 2009
While packing, I found one of my old paper journals and decided to share one of the “gems” I wrote back in the day.
I have no idea what he thought of me but I think he thinks the world of her.
-December 29, 2001
My friend Jovana met her future husband at a dance club in November 16, 2001, and on December 27, two days before the above snippet, she took her (then) boyfriend and I out for dinner so we could get to know one another (my sister and I were at the club when they met but he was certainly not paying us any attention and I am terrible with faces so I wouldn’t have recognized him anyway).
Prior to her meeting her love, Jov and I were in nearly the same situation with respect to relationships (namely, we were currently single, had no interest in dating many more guys as we were just interested in meeting The One). Who knew that late 2001 would be the beginning of the rest of Jov’s life, and my feeling that our lives were officially on different tracks?
One thing I do want to give Jov points for is including me in every important thing in her life, including this relationship. I have a habit of drawing away from friends when they acquire a significant other because insecurity leads me to believe they’d rather be with their significant other all the time, now that they’ve found him, but in those early days and years she really worked hard to ensure that her husband and I, both shyer than her, and likely to just say hi to one another and then never say more, had a good relationship with one another and it paid off. Also, I’d like full points for practically predicting their marriage with that one sentence.
Jov and I met earlier this year with her sweet bébé, and we had a great evening, eating, talking and playing with her wee one. I got to share with her how I’ve felt like I was left behind back in 2001, and how I feel like I’ll never catch up, even though I know it’s not a contest or a race. She told me how hard it has been for her to experience all these things with me: her engagement, marriage, buying of her first home with her hubby, the birth of her child, yet not being able to celebrate the same for me. Of course there were tears involved, but it felt good to get those feelings out.
I totally can relate! I feel like I am at that stage of my life right now. My closest girlfriends are all falling in love and I feel both so happy for them and so left behind!
You expressed that so beautiful.
I am oh so familiar with those feelings.
I have some familiarity with your feelings: When my best friend got married a year ago, I felt totally left behind. Not that I wanted to be married myself, but I felt like she would be moving on to her own real life, leaving me behind with a lifestyle not compatible with hers.
They too did a really great job of including me in everything, from the engagement (Their date the night of their engagement was to an open mic I sang at!) to all the parties and the wedding itself.
Friendships like this often are hard, when the two people are in such totally different places. My best friend and I have switched places again, with her feeling left in the dust with some of the things I've been working on lately. I think the key to being able to maintain a friendship like this is being able to say it out loud and not feel judged. Its obvious that you have that part down, on both sides.
Oh Jummy, I know. I'm married, have a house, but still…I know.
I turn 36 this year, and am the last (VERY last) of my friends without children – trust me, it's not without some serious effort that we've landed here. I have endured pregnancy announcements, birth celebrations, christenings and now , mounting birthdays. I am so happy for each and every one of my girlfriends and their growing familys, but can' t help wanting to shed a tear for a lack of my own.
hugs,
Bea