On aging well
January 29, 2009
I have tons more to say on the topic of home ownership and all the things I need for my abode, and while that information is dancing around in my head, waiting for its release as a coherent piece of writing, I wanted to share some age-related thoughts.
I’m going to blame society for tying certain accomplishments to a certain age. You’re expected, especially as a woman, to have settled down by age 30 and have a life partner (or be in a steady relationship), and certainly to have started having children if that is part of your life plan. If you think that’s a lie, see what sort of conversations you have (or, if you are neither single nor a thirtysomething), what conversations you overhear, especially when people are being introduced to one another for the first time. General topics like whether or not you are married (or have a significant other) and whether or not you have children often come up, along with where you live and what you do for a living. My coworker, who has been dealing with infertility, finds it just as uncomfortable to field questions about children, just like I do with questions about having a significant other.
(It’s funny: when someone asks the dreaded question, I always say “Unfortunately no (I don’t have a boyfriend OR I don’t have a significant other).” and it’s silly because it’s like I’m apologizing! Why do I feel bad because I’m giving them a negative answer? My coworker says she finds herself responding similarly to the “Got kids?” question so at least someone gets where I’m coming from with that.)
Back to the topic at hand: I now know that there is no such thing as a life plan, at least a rigid one. Life doesn’t often seem to work out the way you hope and pray it will. There is a lot of truth to the quotation Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans. Sometimes things work out better than you could have ever imagined or planned for, but the road to this “better than I hoped!” may be longer than the road you thought you’d be on, which can be very frustrating. I think I’m speaking from experience, but I’ll let you know when I’m celebrating my 35th wedding anniversary, husband and child(ren) in tow, and my parents looking on with misty eyes (and no, I am not asking for too much).
On the lighter side (of getting old), how do you think you compare to your age-mates? I was discussing this with my friends recently, and I think we, fine looking bunch that we are, look our age or possibly younger when compared to others our age. We haven’t done anything special (other than not developing an addiction to tanning beds and not smoking or drinking heavily) but I think we managed to be blessed with good genes. Well let me speak particularly for myself: I have been BLESSED with amazing genes! Both of my parents do not look their age, but my mom gets more disbelieving reactions when her true age is discovered. My mom has only started developing fine lines now (they can’t even be called wrinkles yet), and to be honest her skin (dark and smooth as it is, and not riddled with acne scars like my own), looks two or three facelifts better than my own. It’s truly amazing.
(Granted, neither parent eats as much sugar as I do, and I did read somewhere that sugar is horrid for the skin…and possibly even the waistline, not that I have seen the effects of sugar on my body at all — hah!)
I will confess to two points of vanity. First, I make a conscious effort to not raise my eyebrows overmuch, in an attempt to stave off forehead wrinkles. In fact when I was told to raise my eyebrows by my friends, I refused to. I am also determined to avoid developing deep crow’s feet. My #1 way of doing this is by refusing to squint when confronted with sunlight: I just look down at the ground instead when walking outside, or put on sunglasses. I should probably start looking into cream specially formulated to prevent the onset of wrinkles.
Your turn: do you think you look younger than people your age? If it’s a remote concern of yours, what (if anything) do you do to keep yourself looking as youthful as possible?
Sometimes people think I’m older than I am because I have a kid. I’ve been told they just assume that I am a couple of years older because I have a four year old. Or so they say. :)
Someone I work with said that he doesn’t know anyone who’s had their first kid in their early or mid twenties. He thinks that people are either having kids when they’re really young (teens) or in their early thirties.
Either way, I hate the aging process.
i have wanted to blog about this but i am not quiet sure what i want to say…i look far younger than my age and people tend to want to take advantage of this “small girl” sometimes i want to lash out…lol..but overall i know it is a good thing looking younger than my age. i just have to act my age. wait what does that mean- act my age? is there a manual for what you should act like at a particular age???
I look younger than my age…Good genes are a major part of that, but also Drinking water. I stay away from pop and juices and I think over the years I have developed a kind of dislike for them.
I’m always going to look younger than I am. At 17 someone thought I was 12; at 21 someone guessed 17; at 26 someone guessed 15; at 27 I had a hard time proving I was over 18 so I could buy some scissors.
I sort of settled into myself around 14 and I’ve stayed fairly similar for the most part.
I think my reason is genes and clean living.
People generally mistake me for someone 10 years younger than I actually am. I think coloring my hair helps and that I have good skin (thanks Mom!). ;-)
I have had to have many conversations with myself about expectations. I often feel like I should have accomplished more at almost 36. A lot of the time I feel like a failure because I don’t own my own home, don’t have kids or plans to be married.
Well, I looked older than I was when I was in my teen’s and now I look younger than my current age. I think we have an “age” we look for a long time until life gets really stressful and then we age 10 years in one!! I’m hoping that will be when I’m 60!!
As for life plans, and age agendas. I have friends who married right out of university and had children right away. I have friends who married right out of university and waited four years before their first child. I did everything in reverse- had someone else have the child, and then got married at 32!! My friend B was married at 23, had her first at 25, separated at 35, met her now husband thru the internet, walked down to the court house to sign the divorce papers with her boyfriend and ex-husband together, got pregnant within 3 months, and then did the Vegas quicky wedding!!! Plans at certain ages? LOL!! Now she is trying for baby #3. Worry less, do more!!
Here’s my secret for looking young:
Have a child when you are 19.
When he’s 16 and you’re 35, make sure to let it get brought up as much as possible that you have a 16 year old.
I hear ALL the time: You don’t look old enough to have a child that age!!!
:)
It helps.
People think I’m about 24 or 25, so yeah, I look younger than my real age. As for my “life plan,” I’ve always had several – if things didn’t work out one way, I would go to plan B (or C or D and so forth). For example, I plan to have at least one kid by the age of 40. It could be biological or by adoption (I really don’t understand why people often don’t choose this route – and I come from a culture where adoption is supposed to be hush-hush!), but there will be a kid!
I think I look at least my age if not a little older :( Sadly, moisturizer was not part of my plan during my 20’s and 30’s. In fact, it wasn’t until I looked in the mirror on my 40th bday and went WTH! that I started trying (and still mostly failing) to have a regular skin/beauty routine.
HA! I laughed at your methods of escaping wrinkles.
Most people think I look younger than my age (21 this month). So much so that I sometimes get children’s menus at restaurants— crayons included.
►Ves
Hmm, I never thought of that, probably because the friends I have with children seem to have had kids anywhere from early 20s to early 30s.
The only bright side of aging is we’re alive to experience it!
►aloted
You do have a baby face! That’s not cool when people use that to take advantage of you.
And one should just be themself. That’s what’s right for you.
►Oya
You also have a baby face. Hmm, I sort of drink juice a lot. I love water too but I’d pick juice over it most days.
►Amy
Hurray for good genes and nice work on the clean living! I’m living proof it is a struggle to eat clean anyway.
►sizzle
Ah, I feel you on second point about expectations (of yourself, of others) by a certain age and feeling like you didn’t or havne’t made it. We just have to remind ourselves that we aren’t in competition with anyone.
►Juli
The take home message from your comment (besides the last phrase) would be something along the lines of just be yourself and focus on doing things on your own timeline. Thanks.
►Kaylen
hehe, too late for me to do this!
►Cynthia
I know a few people who have multiple life plans, all the more reason for me to get at least one!
►Virginia
Awww, you and me both on trying to set up a skin routine, especially for the face. There’s so much more to it than moisturizing — toners and washing twice a day and day creams and night creams and creams and gels that target specific parts of the face…it’s almost too much!
►Stephanie
Boy do you ever look younger than your age (your height too adds to the ‘delusion’).