Through my other blog, I have come in contact with all sorts of people, including members of the opposite sex. Some must be googling “good Nigerian girl” because some men have shown up on my site, read an entry about, for example, Nigerian music, and left a comment saying “I am looking for a Nigerian wife. If interested call me at +234 080…”. I guess they think I’m running a dating site or something.

In the last two months I have been contacted by two guys who I unreasonably got my hopes up about, only to have them disappear from my life as noiselessly as they entered.

Both guys contacted me through the contact form. Both had complimentary things to say about my blog (a little flattery is always nice), and both wrote with a skill and ease that I admired. The first guy expressed interest in getting to know me, and provided general information about himself that was in no way repulsive to me. In fact, a part of me may have begun to plan our nuptials. The second guy left a message that was neutral, not promising anything, nor asking me to raise his children. Both received a reply from me that was appreciative of their reaching out, a bit charming and engaging.

The first guy, whose intentions were far clearer from the beginning, didn’t reply. At all. I was surprised, then hurt, then angry that I let some stranger that I didn’t know a thing about affect how I felt when I’d open up my email account and see nothing (from him) in the inbox. After some time I deleted the email he sent and moved on, but not before imagining why he didn’t respond. The winning reason is that he read my entries about being overweight and decided he didn’t want to deal with a girl with issues.

The second guy responded to my email and we exchanged a couple of emails. In his emails he seemed amused and interested in me at least as a friend, and I thought that was the way things were headed. I responded to this guy’s emails within a decent amount of time (24 hours), yet he would take more time (a few days) to respond to mine. When he would take a couple of days to reply, he’d always apologize for taking so long to respond, and that led me to think that he was either really polite or was absolutely smitten with me and didn’t want me to think he wasn’t interested since his replies weren’t instant. Again, wedding plans had begun, in my head at least. However, my current opinion is that he is just not that into (getting to know) me.

I think the purpose of these two encounters was to remind me that online interactions can be just as touchy as in-person meetings. You can meet a guy who gets your number and swears he’ll call and doesn’t: he might have lost your number or changed his mind about you, something that is totally his prerogative. Sometimes you meet someone and try to make a go of it, but the timing is off: maybe his ex girlfriend returned to his life, or his friend insists he’s found the right woman for him and insists he give the mystery woman a chance. Sometimes if asked, there may be no one concrete answer. The key for me has been to not dwell on it and instead take it in stride. This is the beginning of a new year and could be the year I fall in love.

Filed under: Love? by jummy