Smart folk that you are, you all came up with some good reasons why I’m finally thinking that maybe nine years is enough of my life to give to the place.

Ves thinks that I would be mortified if someone I knew from a past life (highschool, the grocery store I used to work at, university) came by the store and saw me vacuuming. She’s right, because I’ve told her this before. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with vacuuming, or earning an honest living, and I know the following shouldn’t bother me but I worry that they’ll think “I was in highschool/university/worked at the grocery store with Jummy and she seemed to be going places. Why on earth is she still working in retail?” Basically, my fear is that they’ll think this is my only job. If I know they know I have a full time career, and they see me cleaning at the store, it doesn’t bug me. I just don’t want any misplaced pity.

Jess thinks that perhaps I don’t find the job inspiring and this is also true. I used to care so much about the place, I wanted it to look its best, I cared that we organized sizes from left to right, small to extra large, dark to light. Folding piles of tshirts with beautiful corners mattered. Hanging pants so the legs all lay flat was KEY. And when I worked more often, I would spend the quiet evening shifts doing all those things that brought me joy, things that I thought were part of our job description under “keep the store neat, tidy and shopable”. But as the years have passed, I’ve realized that only one other coworker actually cares about this (she’s the other one who’s been there for a number of years, at least four). The other coworkers just don’t care if a size 20 is in front of a size 14, or if a long sleeved white shirt is stuck in among the tank tops. They don’t care. This job is something they do half heartedly to earn a few bucks, and it bothers me that they don’t care enough to do what they’re paid to do. When I work with the other girl who does care, we run around obsessing about getting the store in perfect shape. But now that I work less often, I’m overwhelmed by the amount of organizing there is to do when I get there. And my coworkers, slumped on the cash desk, look at me with dismay when I suggest we divide up the store and straighten it.

I also operated under the impression that if we do our best, provide good service to the customers, and make good sales, the profit would trickle down to the employees. I can’t say that’s been my personal experience.

Emma‘s point that maybe my schedule (namely the short shifts/low number of hours) is why I haven’t been made a manager and that is true. I have been asked to apply for the manager position but I never wanted it because I didn’t want to come to hate retail as many managers I have known do. With respect to giving me a position to show that “hey Jummy, we think you’re a good worker!”, they have given me what they can—the title of key holder—but of course that never came with the big fat raise I hoped for; all the new title meant was that I am trusted to open and close the store, and stay late if need be. The latter is a great perk, let me tell you.

- – - -
Four or five year ago, I had a chance to leave, but I made the wrong decision. You see, the company was on its way to bankruptcy, but there was a chance that the company would find a buyer before this happened. Either way, all the store’s contents would be liquidated and the store would close for a while, and either reopen under new ownership or close forever. The employees working there at the time were given the option of being laid off and receiving a small settlement. This meant that if the store reopened and you still wanted to work there, you’d have to reapply and there was no guarantee that you’d be rehired. With option two you remained an employee of the company and crossed your fingers that they’d get the funding and reopen. If they did, you’d still be an employee and wouldn’t have to reapply for the position.

Guess which option I picked?

Of course, what happened is that my coworkers who went with the first option got a little money, a little break and then got rehired, while I got my break without pay. My decision-making skills are stellar, I tell you!

Anyways, the same thing happened again this year, and it looked like we were going to be faced with the same decision. While some wondered if they should start looking for another job I thought this was my chance to get what I didn’t back then (moola) and leave the job without being fired and without having to actually make a decision. If the store closed, my decision would be made.

Of course, it didn’t get to that point and as far as we know, everything is fine.

Great.

So now I’m back to having to make an actual decision. I’m afraid of quitting and then having something wonderful, like amazing pay increases, or cool clothing for pllus sized women come out that I love and now have to pay full price for. I’m afraid I’ll miss the “spending money” I get from the job.

Sure I groan audibly every time I’m called in to work but that doesn’t mean anything right? I just hope I don’t make it to my ten year anniversary there!

Filed under: Job by jummy