I joined a couple of dating sites a couple of months ago, ones that should have the kind of guy I’m looking for and so far, I haven’t met anyone too interesting (in a good way). I met one guy and things were going well with him, but he turned out to not be exactly what he said he said he was and instead of being mad at the guy, I was just glad that he told the truth and that I got out of a potentially icky situation sooner rather than later. It’s been an ok experience, this online love-seeking business, despite the fact that I continue to attract men a solid 10-15 years older than I. But still I persist.

One thing that has made the whole process fun is the women I’ve met. When I was on match.com for its 7 day free trial, I got a message from a girl with a subject line that said something along the lines of “I’m not interested in you in that way!”, lest I think she was contacting me to ask me out. She was just glad to see a fellow Nigerian online and wanted to commiserate on how hard it is to find a good (Nigerian) guy. I had a thing or two to say on that matter (ahem) and we’ve enjoyed exchanging emails and I’m hoping she’ll invite me to Texas one of these days.

While moaning about the dearth of Nigerian men in my city, I met another girl who happens to be in same city and we totally hit it off (there’s something about moaning about men online or off that brings women together) and we met this past weekend and had a great time. This girl was one of the stylish women that I’d normally assume I’d have nothing in common with because they’re SO INTIMIDATING but our phone conversations had gone well and she seemed cool and there were some similarities between the sort of guys we’d met through our short foray into online dating, the kind we were seeking, our family makeup and where we were in life (and where we were hoping to head) so I wanted to meet her. Technically I didn’t meet her on a dating site but we’re both (now) on the same site.

I find meeting a friend (versus a person you hope to date) in person after talking on the phone or by email is nerve wracking. Like when you meet a potential significant other, you hope you hit it off but I’m even more nervous with the women, and I seem to care more about it working out. I feel like if a meeting with a guy doesn’t work out, it’s back to the dating site but since these female friendships come about without being deliberately sought out, they’re more precious.

(Does that make sense?)

So, as I drove to the Starbucks, I wondered if I should hug her (and have her wonder who this woman descending on her was) or shake hands, but when the time came it didn’t require any thought and there was no awkwardness. She wasn’t sure that I’d be the way I was on the phone (bubblyish, talkative, nonsensical) but I was. And she was herself too, but much cuter in person and stylish but not intimidatingly so (she dressed down for me, no doubt). We spent a couple of hours talking over and around each other, interrupting and gesturing with our hands and laughing. We felt instantly comfortable sharing additional details about our lives and experiences and it was just so much fun! We met near where my mom was working so I said something about my mom and then I said “Hey! Want to go meet her?” and it didn’t feel weird to make that suggestion; we just went off and met her.

(If a meeting with a guy ever goes that well, I’ll propose to him ON THE SPOT).

So, I’ve made a new friend and we have plans to keep in contact and even hang out. Hurray for friends!

Filed under: Adventure, Friends by jummy