Worrying is not a good way to live
May 23, 2007
I worry.
It’s counterproductive, I generally feel worse after a bout of worrying than better, yet I can’t seem to shake the urge to do so. The last time I remember feeling a constant sense of worry mingled with mild panic was last year.
My worries are serious in my mind: I worry about my parents and their health in particular. It’s hard not to see that they work much too hard for adults in their mid 50s and I am sad that they will not be retiring any time soon, even as some of their friends have started to do so. My brothers are a constant source of worry because they truly believe they are invincible. Ever since I saw the son of a family friend, dead in a casket after a night that started out as innocuously as my siblings’ evenings do, I worry. I worry that alcohol will impair their judgement and they will get into a car with a friend who has been drinking, or get involved in a fight involving weapons. My sister does not worry me in any of the life or death ways, though I do hope that she meets a fantastic guy with a passel of friends (with girlfriends and wives) so she comes into her own socially. I feel somewhat guilty that my social life is so different from hers.
I worry a lot about whether or not I am a good example to my siblings, and I alternate between anger that they don’t realize how much I worry (and that they don’t seem to worry themselves) and relief that I’m the only one who is hung up worrying about these things. I’m not the posterchild of altruism though, for I worry that I’m not doing enough with all the gifts I have been given, that I’m wasting precious time in my life (after all, who knows how long I’m supposed to be on this earth, right?). I worry that my next doctor’s appointment will reveal news that I don’t want to hear about my health.
I hate the feeling of anxiety that chases me, the way my heart will suddenly flip flop after a thought has come to my mind. I feel so helpless and want to make some deals with God: if He spares me, I’ll lose the weight and take better care of my health and my family, I’ll use my time better, I’ll be less selfish and hateful and more loving and giving. If He could only tell me that my parents will live long healthy lives I will be a better person.
I don’t think God makes deals though…either that or He knows not to trust me.
well well you should know worrying doesnt help any!
its kinda funny though that youre mad that others arent worried
its like how can you be so calm/.!? I do worry about stuff too, health things and stuff if that helps…
Oh, My JoomyDear, I hear you. I hear you on the worry about your parents’ health, on being good with regards to siblings, on being more loving and less hateful. I hear you on being worried that family will end up doing something less than stellar, I worry that I am not being good enough to those around me.
Aside from large quantities of alcohol and prescription sedatives, I don’t know how to make the worry go away. I wish I had something wonderful and insightful to say to you, but instead I’ll just say that I hear you on all counts. When I find the solution to these problems, you’ll be the first to know for sure.
Worrying definitely isn’t a good way. It distracts you and that def leads to depression. You see, it’s d same issue I have with my parents. While it is good to care, it is recommended that once kids get to the age of responsibility and knowing the consequences of their action, you shouldn’t kiss yourself over them. So while u show concer, you are safe with the knowledge that you are kind of exonerated of whatever happens to them. I’m talking in particular here about your younger sibs. Of course there’s this juvenile misjudgment, but you really can’t keel over them. Somehow, they may not see what u r doing as “help” per se, but you are smothering, and that would be defeating your real intentions. So space, space…is important
So focus on the more important things: yourself (with all that that involves), and making the parents enjoy the rest of their lives on earth. As you have time, you give some to your siblings, too. And remember, there’s someone above who’s watching!
*hugs*