When selfishness feels a whole lot like self preservation
November 28, 2006
I just declined a dinner party invite because I’d be the only attendee who is not part of a couple.
At least I was straight forward enough to tell my host that that was the reason I was declining and I’m sure she won’t be surprised at my decline since she reads my blog from time to time.
The only thing that sort of bothers me [and will undoubtedly bother you] is that I’m making a completely selfish move. I told her that too. My decline has nothing to do with her and everything to do with me and my neuroses. I could go and suck it up and be funny and charming and act like I’m having a blast, and I bet I’d actually have a good time ["fake it till you make it], but when I get home, I’d be thinking about the fact that I was the only one there who wasn’t there with someone. Just like how, after any event, I always mentally note that I was the fattest person there. Things like that always run through my mind, whether I’ve had a good time or not. I think of the event, and invariably think of whether there was anyone fatter than me.
So I’m going to be selfish and maybe do crafts that evening, something solitary that’ll allow me to brood and sigh over my single state [because I am an utter drama queen]. I don’t actually know if there’s anyone who can say they understand where I’m coming because they’ve been there. Most people that I know who are single have their past track record with dating [I don't have any single friends who are perpetually single] to give them that hope that [if they are sick of the single life] they will likely date again in the next [insert desired timeline]. Sadly, I cannot make that statement with any confidence, only with optimism.
Hi Jummy,
Do you know, I can't see how this is selfish? Even if you feel your motivation is to stay at home and "brood over your single state", it's still not selfish.
Although, you're denying the world the chance to get to know you and discover how fabulous you are! Now that is selfish :-)
Hey lady. When's this par-tay? How about you take your first ride on the 416 and come scrapbook at my place?
Not sure I understand the logic in this, given that any hostess worth her salt will split up couples at a dinner party anyway to facilitate chitchat (who wants to talk only with the person they already talk to all day, 24/7?). I'd be more concerned about this precedent you are setting yourself up for: what happens when you hit your mid-30s and there's no one left uncoupled? Are you going to become a hermit? Not leave the house? Sorry, but Dr. Phil-style tough love is required on this matter.
hey chiquita. lets go out for dinner some night soon. we can chat about this, as I HAVE been there, and DO know where you're coming from…
[...] I had a very social weekend: I attended one Christmas potluck and games evening followed by a trip to Walmart. Yes, this is the potluck that was the topic of this entry. I capitulated because the hostess, who is even more selfish than I [her words], insisted that I would be the only person there who would be her friend versus her husband’s [she lied] but she didn’t lie about the fact that there would be another person there [a male one at that!], who also happened to be single. [...]