When you’re not feeling 100% confident or sexy, retail therapy can sometimes be a form of suicide, especially if you decide to shop for clothing.

I’ve been feeling generally ugly and unloved [and for some reason, knowing that my friends and family love me doesn't help much] so yesterday I wanted to get out of the house, roam a bit and shop for things I don’t need.  I had purchased some clothing items [without trying on first, the horror!] two weeks ago, so I had to return them.  I found a cute grey peacoat and a grey pair of dress pants so I scooped those up, in addtion to household-y things.  I was relatively conservative in my spending.

I didn’t do any Christmas shopping, but  I now have a cute container to tote Christmas treats around in.  I never thought I’d say this but Buck or Two is growing on me, and fast.  I went to my fave dollar store and left emptyhanded [well, I bought a drink...].

So to fullfil my mandate to get out there more, I attended a Nigerian party celebrating the recent birth of twins [girl and boy].  All of my siblings were invited but none of them wanted to go so I ended up going by myself and it was AWFUL.  I went to greet the happy couple, and snapped a picture of them.   I didn’t see anyone I recognized for a few moments, which is always intimidating when you’ve just walked into a hall with over a hundred people in.  I tried to look like I was looking for someone but I probably failed at carrying off that look successfully.  I did greet quite a few of my parents’ friends and I thought I came across as generally friendly and approachable.

I went to a table where some guys that I know were sitting, greeted one of them and asked him if any of the empty seats were free.  He said they were taken but he didn’t even offer to get me a chair or invite me to pull one up [do I have a princess complex?] so I moved on.  I asked an older couple at a neighbouring table if there were some free seats around them and they invited me to sit down, moved some used plates for me and then left!  So I sat at a table by myself for about 30 minutes.  I got food so I wouldn’t look so pathetic, but I just played with it.

Awful, I tell you. 

I finally decided to bail through a back entrance, only when I got down the stairs, the doors were locked.  So, I decided to go back upstairs, but those doors were locked too!  Luckily two people were talking just outside the upstairs doors and after about five minutes of two of us banging on the door, someone inside finally let us in.  I crossed the dancefloor swiftly and escaped.

This is just one event, and as Christmas approaches, there will be many more opportunities for me to try different tactics of meeting new people.  I left tonight feeling pretty deflated and discouraged, but thank God for optmisim and new days and all that stuff.

Filed under: Celebrations, NaBloPoMo by jummy