Wedding woes
October 20, 2006
I suspect there will be a flurry of entries today.
First off, I attended a wedding and I was apalled that some of the guests thought nothing of attending the event without a gift. I would not go to a wedding that I was invited to if I couldn’t bring a gift.
I can’t recall who was in the group of people that I was talking to when the question ”What did you get them?” was asked. I named my gift, and one person said “I got them a card” and laughed, and another person laughed and said “Yeah, me too” [and yes they knew the bride even more than I did].
I understand if you can’t afford to get the couple something off their registry because you can’t afford it [due to the bride and groom's expensive tastes, or because you waited too long to get a lower priced item off the registry], so why not add a gift card from the place they registered to your card? Or if you are remotely creative, frame a nice picture of them, or something similarly untacky, [semi]-sentimental, personalized [and well made] and I’m sure it’ll be treasured.
An insensitive bride and groom may sneer at the [low] dollar value of said gift card or gift, but I’m sure that won’t stop them from using it, and at least you, the not so rich gift giver, would know that you gave a gift and feel good about it.
In my opinion, the people who gave a card could have afforded a gift; they just [for whatever reason] decided not to. And I guess a card is better than showing up completely empty handed, right?
I just wouldn’t do it.
Other wedding related pet peeves:
- the bride and groom specifying the exact amount of cash they need per person
- registries that only contain items over, say $100 [and this includes gifts for bridal showers!]
- long, boring speeches [I understand that speeches are not about entertaining the guests primarily; it's a gift to the happy couple. But I don't mind if I'm entertained nevertheless! ;)]
- weddings that have nothing unique to the couple in them [I just don't like the idea of cookie cutter weddings; it's lovely when a wedding has touches that make me go "Oh, that is sooo them", and not just things because some wedding magazine told them to, recognizing that there will be elements that will be the same from wedding to wedding]
Does anyone have any wedding-related peeves? Or have you been to [or through] a wedding and need to clear up some things for me?
Lol – I've been TO and THROUGH weddings and I totally agree with you on everything. I'm kind of a "wedding snob" in the sense that I have a list 20 miles long of pet peeves. I was so happy to have our wedding the way I think it should be…. and apparently many other people agreed! (Some didn't – but I think their problem was with ME and not so much my wedding – it's amazing how people's ugly vengeances turn up for weddings, and unfortunate.)
By the way, a gift card, no matter the amount, is a WONDERFUL gift. Stuck inside a card, that sounds perfect.
I was trying to think about what was unique to us in our wedding – and I keep coming up with PINK. It makes me laugh because everybody laughed when they heard my colors were pink, and said "Yep, that's Laura." Even my husband. So I think that's a good memory.
In addition (sorry to clog up your comments with a novel), my husband and I are extremely traditional – especially for a young couple, which surprised many people. I don't remember the last wedding, aside from ours, that took place in a stained glass church with an organist playing the wedding march! It's almost backward-cliche – NOBODY does it anymore, and I was all about it! Funny, I guess that having a "young" wedding with many "old" traditions was unique to us, too.
Wow – I have very similar pet peeves. Wow – I'm still bothered by the whole no gift thing. Maybe they didn't know the couple? hmmm, yeah, I agree with you completely, a nice picture would do the trick just fine, infact those "unique" gifts sometimes turn out to be the best ones.
Personally I use the registry, but if I get there too late (the case about half the time) to get a good deal, then I usually pick something out that everyone can use – or something that was perhaps overlooked on the registry (like a comforter, supersized towels, …). Sometimes, I use a combination of the two – like getting a slowcooker from the registry, and adding some 50% off towels or something. It's kinda weird how the bargain side still comes out even when picking out a wedding gift.
What?! You went to a wedding where the couple specified the dollar amount per person as a gift? Craziness! Long boring speeches annoy me too. But the thing is a guess that they mean something to at least the couple – so when the uncle talks for 20 mins, it's boring to me, but might mean something to the couple – well at least that's the thought that gets me through it.
Surprisingly being late – also bothers me. And having 50 dances (1st dance-okay, but 2nd dance, 3rd dance, mother-groom dance, a seperate father-daughter dance, an in-law dance, a sibling dance, a…. ) before everyone is allowed to dance is another pet peeve. It's like okay – get on with it already – can't these people just dance together without making a show of it?! Sheesh, I want to go dance too!
Me again,
Man, I've gotta stop writing soon. Just read Laura's comment – and think that cool. Actually one of the coolest personalisations that I saw, was at my friend's wedding. They are both Pharmacists, and for their seating plan table thingy – they had little pill bottles full of candy, with the directions something like "Smilin Tweey, Table 5,
Take as required
Shake well on the dance floor" it was awesome! hmm – hopefully i can come up with something that creative for our wedding. hmm….
Oh my god. So tacky. Who doesn't take *some* sort of gift? A box of chocolates even? Good grief. It's a good thing you're a nice person Jummy because I would have had it in for them!!!!! And then what's are the bride & groom supposed to do after with cards: "Thank you for the…lovely paper card you purchased for us???"
I have been that tacky person. It was probably the worst year of my life, I'd taken a month off of my job and literally, my car was running on fumes most of the time. It was my brother's wedding and I about had a nervous breakdown when it came time to get them a gift. I didn't have a single dollar to even have a dress to wear to the wedding. I wasn't buying cigarettes or booze at the time, either.
So, I went empty handed. I did get a card, sending my new sister in law my feelings about her joining our family etc etc. She sent me an incredibly gracious and wonderful thank you card for taking the time to come to the wedding, for the speech I gave welcoming her to the family and to please not stress because I hadn't gotten them a gift. I thought that what she did was the most gracious, etiquette-friendly thing in the world and now we have a much more open relationships when it comes time for gifts.
I guess if it were a couple I didn't know well, if I were in the same financial situation again, I would probably decline the invite.
On the other hand, I'd hate to think that a guest I had invited wouldn't come simply because they couldn't afford a non-obligatory gift.
Etiquette issues are tricky.
Toonses
my name is inigo montoya and i have been that tacky person. This year I moved out and got an apt. I was inited to an old aquaintance/new friends wedding, my old roomate from colleges wedding and my really good friends older brothers wedding…I was FLATOUT broke and they would have been SUPER upset if I didnt come. I still havent got a gift :( although i plnned to write checks my money has been funny since.
For my wedding I dont want any presents (maybe cause I felt awful and I dont want anyne to feel that way) I dont know.
And like Toons I would hate it if that prevented anyone i loved from coming :)
From my point of view sometimes couples ask ALOT from their guests…aso ebi? Travel…etc
i should add…how embarrassed i was because i wore the same outfit to each wedding hahahaha (ugghhh)