A friend of mine told me how funny it is that I treat my parents like they are my children:  I worry about them as if they are wild and crazy teens who haven’t been on this earth long enough to know how to deal with any of the situations that life will (inevitably) throw them.  She has a point:  they are grown ups, good, responsible ones at that, and they will be ok.

But I do still feel the need to worry about them and a desire to fight their battles.

You’d have to meet and get to know my parents to believe this perhaps, but they are really decent people, the ones who are so uncomfortable with the idea of lying they just don’t [a foreign concept to me].  They love opening their home to people and I can’t even recall how many times I’ve grumpily run around straightening the house because my mom met someone that very day and thought they were lonely/new to the city/hungry looking and invited them over for dinner that evening and, charmed by her naturally good cheer, they accepted her invitation.

When they can, my parents say yes to anyone who asks for help with moving, installing something, driving someone somewhere, anything to help out.  My mom cooks meals for people when a family member is sick, has passed away or there’s a birth in the family.  Sometimes she just decides that someone could use a meal, a plant, or a visit and impetuously does what she can to remedy the situation.  I often worry that her good intentions will be brushed away by someone who really just wants to be left alone but so far, it seems she always shows up at the right time, and her compassionate gesture seems to be always appreciated and timely.  As you can tell, my dad’s personality is more of the strong silent type to my mom’s exuberant, joyful, heart-as-big-as-an-ocean personality. 

That is why it brings me to tears when she is mistreated.  And her current job [where she will have been for 12 years in 15 days] goes through waves where, for lack of a better word, they try to crush her spirits.

The only good thing that I can say about the significant instances that have had me researching lawyers, consulting the human resources guidelines and drafting letters to managers in the past, is that all the trouble makers have always ended up leaving the job, being demoted, or backing down when faced with actually responding to the accusations they so carelessly throw out against my mom.  To me, that says a lot about my mom’s good name.

Some people are at it again, and because of the people she works with [aka the fakest, cattiest, biggest gossips alive, who laugh at your misfortune and experience agony at your joy], she’s having a really rough time.  What makes it especially hard for her is that she is one of those people who thinks that because she spends at least 40 hours a week at work, she should be friends with the coworkers.  Not because she has to, but genuinely wants to.  She is the quintessential people person and thrives when she is surrounded by people [although I can be social, I am a recluse in comparison].

I may be adopted, then, but my siblings must be too because we keep telling her the following:

• You only have to be professional at work.  It’s one thing to genuinely like your coworkers due to common interests and develop a bond or actually become friends outside of work; it’s another thing to keep turning the other cheek to bitches who gossip and lie about you the minute your back is turned, and who also gossip about  each other.  Why should you even try to be anything other than professional with them?  Why??? [I am all about being professional.  I take great pride treating people (whose morals, life choices, or personalities I may detest) courteously, with respect for them as a human being and I think my mom should focus on that and that alone with these coworkers.  No more buying people coffeee, baking treats for holidays and teasing everyone when spirits are low or the day is going slowly, I say!]
   
• The people she works with would sell each other out in a minute and because of that my mom should take anything they say wth a grain of salt [including "Trust me, Jummy's mom, I'm on your side"].  They like getting the gossip and use vulnerable trusting people [hi mom!] to keep the gossip wheels grinding. 
• She has so many friends out of work that due to time constraints, she can’t see/call/write to often enough.  She should look at work as something that gives her the money to enjoy her real life, the one that starts once she leaves the job at the end of the day.

It’s hard for my mom to get all that because a part of her still thinks that humans are generally good, which is cute, especially when we consider the instances of racism that both of my parents have faced in our years here, and still face every now and then.  To be treated like crap because your skin is a different colour, or because you have an accent, and still refuse to face the world with a chip on their shoulder, that is something I don’t think I’d be able to do with quite as much aplomb as they do.  [And yes, I do believe that humans are generally good, but when certain humans keep showing me time and time again that their core is rotten, I put distance between us, let go of any pain they've caused me and treat them as a colleague, nothing more.  I detest carrying grudges...I also detest that I have trouble holding a grudge for a suitable amount of time but that's another matter]

I think situations like this happen to my mom because she’s always so cheery.  She doesn’t bring her health concerns, of which there have been some scary ones to work, she’s working with women half her age, and being supervised by someone younger yet is unfazed and her results are among the best in her section.  The clients she deals with seem to connect with her and the evaluations of her success at the job are always sparkling.  She’s a mother of four, is happily married, and just radiates good humour.  She’s not at all wealthy, drives a car that is 11 years old and falling apart and is grateful that she has a way of getting to work and back.  I guess for those who are dissatisfied with their lives, these things make her an easy target. 

I’m irate and I’m sad that I gave in and cried in front of her over what she was telling me because I know she gets sad when I’m sad and she’s already cried enough over this incident.  You can bet that I’m already plotting a plan of action that will make them sit back and take note, check their files and realize that “oh yes, we’ve been down this road before and this is how it ended”.  The lies that are being spewed will be refuted, with proof, and I will demand a response to the falsehoods being presented as truth [enter mother hen Jummy].

I wish she could win a lottery and quit the job, casually slipping in that she will now be volunteering her time as she lives off her winnings.

I pray that this is the last such incident we’ll have to deal with.

Filed under: Family, Love? by jummy