Part II: Drifting in mediocrity
October 9, 2006
My last entry can be summed up as:
How do people keep their motivation going?
I don’t care what people are motivated to have, or work towards, be it money, property, cars, or a roof over their head or a [hot] meal every night. I want to know what makes you, person with a dream, keep doing what you must to do reach that goal? Why don’t you just get bored with it and decide that what you have right now isn’t that bad? Why do you keep striving?
I have some goals but the focus, the desire to work towards them, is practically non-existent, or it occurs in bursts so short that I blink and I miss them.
My problem is that I lack the discipline [sounds better than "I'm a lazy slacker"] of sticking with something and I want to know how to get sticky.
When I think of the two major things in my life that I’ve started and not completed–losing weight and getting my driver’s license–I realize that I haven’t given either a fair shot. In both cases, I get bursts when I’m pumped and motivated and all too soon the euphoria and “you can do it” spirit passes. I need someone to hold myself accountable to but in the cases where I’ve asked someone to nag me or bug me or try to make me feel bad about my (lack of) accomplishment, I just get irritated with them doing their job and ask them to leave me alone. I guess I need to develop that feeling of being accountable to MYSELF. Instead of “Oh, it’s no biggie, eat what you want”, I need to do more of that conscious eating, and less of that “sugary snack into mouth” motion that seems to be a common part of the day.
And with the driving, I need to stop thinking that ”OC transpo [local bus service] isn’t that much of a hassle and it goes everywhere I need go [eventually]” or “I’m not buying a car any time soon anyway so I don’t need my license right now” because that just makes me put things off for no good reason.
So how does one motivate themself for the long term? I’ve heard that some people write down their goals and revisit them often. They make sure they are surrounded with their goals, by writing it everywhere-computer monitor, mirrors, dressers, cell phone, pillow,etc. They set themselves up to do what they need to do by preparing for obstacles that might try to trip them up. That means I should always have my gym bag packed, have some Lean Cuisines, fruits, veggies and other healthy snacks at work and home for moments [also known as "every day"] that I’m hungry and don’t feel like preparing something healthy. This means working my schedule around my parents’ so that I can go with them to run errands and log some behind the wheel hours [while also spending more time with them]. These are all simple things that just require some discipline and planning [coincidently, two things I'm rather lacking in].
But trust me: if there was a medication I could take, time released motivation or someting, I’d be the first to sign up. But then I’d have to be disciplined enough to take it every day.
Good grief.
>>>I want to know what makes you, person with a dream, keep doing what you must to do reach that goal?>>>
Well, I guess I do have some pretty big goals in my future. Going into business with my parents is one major one. It's a huge undertaking, with great propensity for failure.
I can only tell you what is motivating me right now: I need motivation to finish school, not fail anything, continue to go to class and go to work, so that I can finish up in the city and LEAVE to pursue my agricultural dreams.
I have to. I have no choice. There is nothing else that I can think of to do with my life, other than taking on this business plan. I don't feel that I will be a happy or complete person without it … and having lived for going on three years now in less than ideal conditions that make me incredibly *un*happy has provided me with the motivation to do something that will make me happy.
You just need to get the ball rolling on the driver's license thing, Jooms. Wake up next Saturday, and go and take your frickin' test. Better yet, give me a call and I'll take you out to the country, we can book you an appointment in CowTown, practice, and get your license where the trickiest driving manoevre is a red light in town.
Necessity is a great motivator for me. I don't know how you find what works for you, but some day you'll wake up as a licensed driver and at your goal weight, and then you'll realize "Hey, XYZ motivated me. Wowza."
Toonses
Whatever the goal may be, you have to want it bad enough.
If you don't want it badly, with that burning desire, you won't work towards it.
I dunno Jummy.
How much do you want it?. How badly do you want it?.
I think we all have to try different methods to motivate ourselves.
But eventually for me, this is what it boils down to.
I always tell myself, that I am personally responsible for me. I have an idea of how I want to live my life. And that it some ways drives me.
I allow myself to fail, when I fail at something, I acknowledge it. I even wallow in it for a minute, and then I have to remind myself how I want to live.
Don't get me wrong, there are times when I beat about the bush, (plenty o times) but the older I get the more I realise that I am only responsible to me.
I repeat the following phrase to myself quite often, when I've gone back on a promise to myself…. here's the phrase..
'who's fooling whom'?.
I sometimes find reasons to do better, because I believe I can be better.
Jummy, it's been 1 year 1 month and 9 days since my last cigarette.
You wanna know what motivated me to quit?.
I wanted to breathe… damnit. (number 1). I had developed a smokers cough, that I needed to get rid of (number 2), I smelt like an ashtray(number 3), I'm vain, my teeth started to get a lil bit stained (see me see trouble). I'm not getting any younger, I needed to look after my body. (number 4)
I had to list these things out jummy, still I took it one day at a time. There are times when I still want to light up, but I don't.
When I gave up, I stopped going out, I isolated myself, I had to focus.
I try to apply this style to the other things I do in life.
I fail sometimes, I succeed sometimes, but the most important thing is I try.
Sometimes, when all else fails, I try to imagine my life if nothing I wanted ever worked out? Or if I didn't get close to any of my dreams.
I think ultimately you've got to figure out how to motivate yourself.
re: weight.. Jummy, you are a beautiful woman. you know this, but you don't get to show it like you want to right?.
You need to be honest with yourself and write somewhere in a private journal how your weight makes you feel. thje good, the bad and the downright ugly. And then you have to look at yoruself and ask yourself if you want to keep on living like that?. do you want to keep on feeling like that?. do you want to keep on being the 'good girl jummy' who always shuts her true emotions away and settles..
what do you want jummy?. what will make you feel good.
Same thing with the driving…. what's stopping you?. How bad do you want it? how badly do you want to have a license?.
It seems you've built a little cocoon around yourself, a little shelter which makes it easy to just go along as you are. But, in reality you don't even want this, you want to break out, right?.
Well jummy, be brave, get some bloody running shoes and go walking. read up about health, become literate in what you want to be and where you want to be.
Cry if you must, fail sometimes, forgive yourself and get back on track.. have a naughty day where you don't think about driving, and when you eat your fav snack. Devote time and money to both of your goals. get a trainer, get a driving instructor and not your mum.
Either that, or just settle for the mundane.
And even I know that you (Jummy) are too good and too much to restrict not just yourself, but your life to the mundane.
I dunno if that answered your question, I hope to God I didn't step over a line. But damn I spoke from my heart Jummy. and that's for real. It's the way I see it.
Be well and be Brave.
Wow, nothing like reading this to get my mind going.
I think you are talking about a lot of things here.
Motivation
Priorities – drive
Sorry, had to write them down before I forget. Oh yeah, and I'm just talking generally.
For the drive, I think it's all a matter of priority. You can admire someone's drive for success with school or a carreer, because a part of you longs for that. But the reality is, it's not your number one priority. If (studying) extra takes time away from your family, or from blogging, or (insert another activity here) and it (studying)'s not a bigger priority, then you just won't do it. It has to be something you REALLY WANT, not just desire; for you to go for it. I find that hard personally, since usually I want too many things, so it's tough to focus on one thing sometimes.
As for motivation, I don't know I find that some people are more intrinsically motivated than others – like they are self-motivated. I'm extrinsically motivated – I need someone to tell me what to do, to be happy with a small accomplishment, etc. to be motivated. So like in grade school, I wouldn't always study, just so I can be smart, but because it made everyone around me happy, and that kept me motivated.
Actually a more concrete example can be with dieting. Okay, so I'm like hmm – need to lose weight, need to write a food diary, etc. But unless there's someone to be accountable to (other than me), I might not be able to stick to it so well-like cheating on the diet is an option. It's kinda sad that I lack some of this intrinsic motivation, but hey. Now, let's take a look at Ramadan (fasting month). I fasted this week, and can't keep count of how many times I wanted to cheat- grab a drink, eat a chocolatemint, etc. but I couldn't do it, why? because I'm extrinsically motivated, all these Muslims are fasting that day, I would feel really bad for cheating, since I'm also feeling somewhat accountable to all these people, and to God. So it becomes a lot easier than dieting. I somehow find the will power to just keep going for a couple more hours. This year, I hope that that will power sticks – otherwise I'll be right behind you for the time-released meds.