Bonjour, Paris!

April 21, 2013

I arrived in Paris around 7:00am local time today, on my way home from Nigeria (where I have been for the past four and a half weeks). The purpose of that trip was my sister’s wedding, and I tacked on this Paris bit as a way of adding a trip without having to cough up too much money for a plane ticket to Europe.

Given that I love saving money, you would think that I would have put more thought into planning this leg of the trip. Sadly I didn’t, and I’m trying not to let the extra money I’ll be spending as a result ruin the experience (I have this tendency to dwell on money not saved). I should have booked the hotel I’m staying earlier than yesterday, and I should have bought my train ticket for London a couple of months ago when I was checking out prices. Oh well: c’est la vie!

I’ve napped and showered so it’s time to go out exploring while it’s still light out!

Filed under: Adventure by jummy | No Comments »

Making mountains out of molehills

March 14, 2013

One reason I might feel like my life is a mess is because I spend my very precious time on things that don’t matter. For the past few weeks, instead of registering for a fuel reimbursement that I qualify for, doing my taxes, packing for my trip, mailing back the items from an online purchase that I no longer want, knitting a coffee cozy that I promised for a friend months ago, or making a delicious quiche, I’ve spent at least 10 hours shopping for luggage. I’ve been to various locations of three different stores over a dozen times, examining the same limited options. My dad actually abandoned me at a store this week (ok, fine: we had come in separate cars) because we had just come back from driving across town so he could use his senior’s discount to buy two luggage for me (I know), and I was still pining for the luggage not chosen.

I’ve got problems. I’m actually starting to worry because this is how people go crazy. It starts as a “quirk” and before you know it, it’s a full blown THING.

My luggage options came down to two in the end. The practical choice was lighter (necessary, given my propensity to overpack), slightly larger, and less than $10 more expensive than the slightly-less-practical choice with all the sales and discounts, but I still thought that was reason enough to agonize for days over which to buy. The less practical choice came in a fun colour (purple!) but was part of a buy one get one half price deal. Unable to decide, I bought two of the other in addition to the two practical ones my dad had bought, then hemmed and hawed and wailed and begged someone to help me decide because don’t you know: making the right luggage choice can affect the whole trajectory of your life!

If you’re still with me I’m sure you’re dying to know how this utterly absorbing saga ends. I’ve asked my dad to return one of the practical ones and I will return one of less practical ones and swap it for an outrageously priced carry-on luggage (buy one get one 50% off, remember?). How can the teeny carry-on suitcase be only $20 cheaper than the huge one?! However I actually do need a carry-on so that is that. This way both parts of my crazy heart are satisfied: I get one piece of luggage in a fun colour I love and another in another colour I love (black), but that I can pack a bit more in. Win-win.

Filed under: Mundane by jummy | No Comments »

Update

March 2, 2013

I feel like such a mess lately. I’m not where I want to be in pretty much every area in my life and I don’t know where to start. I should talk to a life coach or a counsellor, but all they will do is take me to the point of taking action so maybe I should bypass the middle person and just do stuff? I don’t know! What I really want in my life is Dr. Tom of Being Erica — such a great show!

Work
Work has been challenging due to some uncertainties we’ve been dealing with for the past year or so. Things are going to change, and I think they’ll be changing for the better, but it looks like things will get worse before they get better. Also, I feel like my workload is increasing while other people’s workload is decreasing. I should focus on my workload and discuss any concerns I have about it with my supervisor, rather than judging other people’s situations (but I am not-so-secretly judging).

Blogging
I passed my 10-year blogging milestone last November and I have a lot less to show for it than others who’ve been blogging this long or even one third of the time: no book deal, no famous, uber-popular website, and certainly no financial gain! I haven’t put in a fraction of the time these others have put in and that frustrates me. Why do I consistently fall short of my potential? I’m not saying I’d have achieved any of the successes that others have if I was a daily blogger, but at least then I’d have legitimate cause to complain!

Just like the work thing I have an idea of what qualifies as good blogging and it annoys me when I see bad bloggers progressing just because they are consistent. I can be a snob but dull writing that is devoid of a personality is a problem, and I think I can tell when someone is not a good writer (but who am I to be so judgy?). One blogging technique I’ve been seeing lately that irritates me is reposting news from another source and not really adding more to copied (but thankfully sourced) information. It always strikes that the blogger is trying to grab a piece of the search engine pie and that seems contrived and inauthentic. Authenticity in blogging is something that’s important to me.

Family
Brother #1 is horrid: as I mentioned my sister is getting married this year (in Nigeria) and Brother #1 refuses to go. His reason is not good and worst of all, he originally agreed to go (albeit grudgingly) but has since found a flimsy excuse to get out of it. My parents had paid for his and Brother #2′s plane tickets (boo!) so guess who loses out because the plane tickets are non-refundable and non-transferable? That’s the short version so it’s not really enough information for you to understand where I’m coming from. Don’t even bother commenting on this, I assure you I’ve thought it and said it, many times. I have no words.

Wedding plans are going…that is all I’ll say on that. I cannot wait to see the magic we’re able to pull off!

I’ll be stopping in Paris on my way back from Nigeria and all I’ve done to prepare is buy a guidebook.

Me
I’m still watching episodes of Oprah’s Lifeclass when I can. I’m inspired for the hour and then I let the inspiration die without acting on it. So sad, especially when the stories that go with the message of each episode often show people who’ve overcome unspeakably horrid circumstances to become great. I want to be great, but I’m choosing to be lazy instead. I want to find my passion. I want to impact people (and I’m not just saying that to make me feel better about pursuing greatness: I want my life to be more than “She lived. She died.”)

It’s bad enough that I’m a procrastinator but I’m lazy too. I’m lazy with my appearance: I don’t do anything to enhance it. I told a friend that it feels like I’m waiting until my appearance warrants enhancing (due to lost weight of course!) before I do anything and that is wrong, so wrong! I should be making the best of what I have now, today, because I deserve that. And like my friend pointed out, I’d probably feel better about my appearance if I was making the most of it.

I’m lax about my working hours. I always work a full day, but I’ve been coming in later and staying late, which results in me getting home late, eating late, and going to bed late. I’m fairly chatty at work and if I spend too much time chatting I stay late to make up the time. It’s not safe to be the last one on the floor of my building and I’d like to use the early hours of the evening better than I currently do. I need to return to working the hours I’m scheduled and stop taking advantage of the fact that my supervisor has not complained.

I’m still full of self doubt and feelings of inadequacy. It’s getting worse.

Maybe I was too quick to reject the idea of a life coach: anyone who can help me figure all this out, and help me take action to stop these nasty habits will be worth their weight in gold.

Filed under: Introspective by jummy | 1 Comment »

2012 in review

January 18, 2013

Happy New Year! January is moving so quickly and I’m already tired and behind. I’m also pretty sure that I’ve never published this review so late in the month. I’m really hoping this isn’t a sign of what 2013 will be like.

This is my ninth year doing this “year in review” survey. You can check out my responses in previous years if you’d like: 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, and 2011.

01. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
See Oprah live, though Wendy and I were so far from Ms. O that I probably couldn’t technically see much with my naked eyes.

02. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Yes and no. I wanted to be more generous and I was. I didn’t want to accrue overdue library charges but I did. I didn’t want to buy magazines and I didn’t…unless you count the ones I purchased for others.

03. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope!

04. Did anyone close to you die?
My dad’s older sister’s husband, in Nigeria. I had met him before but unfortunately I don’t remember him.

05. What countries did you visit?
The United States of America, one measly time in the whole year!

06. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
A loving boyfriend. The beginnings of a business that can sustain my lifestyle (and then some!).

07. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
No date comes to mind.

08. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Surviving a breakup.

09. What was your biggest failure?
Taking longer than I did in 2008 to complete the 5K, failing to develop a healthy lifestyle, and not officially quitting the Nigerian association I’m part of by the end of the year as planned (I gave a verbal notice but have yet to submit my letter!).

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
A drinking glass broke in my hand while I was washing it and I have a scar to show for it. My right hand has been acquiring some pretty visible scars for two years now—not cool.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The iPad, though I didn’t really fall in love with it until a few weeks ago. A couple of online classes to learn Adobe Illustrator. A wifi blu-ray player, on Boxing Day. My new speakers (also a Boxing Day buy) will likely join the list once I set them up.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My sister’s, because she decided to get married!

My mom’s, because she knew I was hurting but didn’t know how to reach me (because I clam up about things that hurt me deeply), so she bought me some encouraging books and tried to comfort me in the way she thought I needed. When I finally opened up to her her reaction brought us both to tears and made me realize how the distance I had kept between us (when it comes to matters of the heart) has affected her. She’s just incredible!

The friends who listened to me talk about K and who offered advice.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
No brainer: my erstwhile beau, K! Funny how someone can go from being the best thing in one of these surveys to a source of depression!

14.Where did most of your money go?
House and car (and eating out!).

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Black Friday!

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Carly Rae Jepsen’s Call Me Baby.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

    happier or sadder?

    If I had to average things out I was probably sadder, due to K-related stuff. However the year ended on a happier note—last Christmas was rough; this one was great!

    thinner or fatter?

    Fatter!

    richer or poorer?

    Poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Praying and deepening my faith, eating healthy food, exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Eating sugar.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my family of course. I slept over on Christmas Eve, we opened gifts the next day in the afternoon and then just hung out until dinner time, when we had our traditional Christmas dinner: turkey, mashed potatoes, veggies, and my personal favourite, stuffing! I spent quite a few days at my parents house, only going to my place to get a fresh change of clothing. I lazed around a lot.

21. Did you fall in love in 2012?
No…I’d like to in 2013!

22. What was your favourite TV program?
Grey’s Anatomy.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don’t have the energy for that.

24. What was the best book you read?
She Takes on the World. It may also be the only book I completed.

25. Who was your greatest musical discovery?
I discovered some Christian artists in 2012: rappers Flame and KB. Jesus Culture’s song Your Love Never Fails was on repeat for many nights and was a helpful reminder when I was going through a rough time.

26. What did you want and get?
An iPad. Healthy parents. A nice Christmas. In no particular order, of course.

27. What did you want and not get?
A boyfriend.

28. What was your favourite film of 2012?
My memory for movies is tragically awful. I thought The Five-Year Engagement was cute. If I watched Crazy, Stupid Love in 2012 then it was my favourite movie.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 33 on my last birthday and my goal for the year was to enjoy 33 rather than seeing it as one year closer to my mid-thirties. What a shame that I didn’t look back on my birthday entry until now because I could have used more reminders of my goals. Thankfully I have a few months left before I turn 34 (by God’s grace!).

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If I had chosen to focus on optimizing my physical health I think I’d feel so much better about my appearance right now.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
“Worse than ever before!” Maybe it’s just the winter talking but I seriously wonder why I don’t love myself enough to make an effort to look my best (Answer: I’m so darn lazy!).

32. What kept you sane?
Prayer, songs that reminded me to focus on God rather than on my problems, my friends and family (sounding boards).

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Ugh. None come to mind.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Hah; that’ll be the day!

35. Who did you miss?
K.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
I don’t think I met a new person in 2012—I need to expand my horizons!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012
Once trust is broken, it’s hard to get it back.
Trust your gut, even if you’re not sure that you have a strong or active gut.
Time heals all wounds, even when it’s hard to believe.
If you do what you always do, you’ll get the results you always get.
Staying stagnant is scarier than taking a leap into the unknown.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning, From Jesus Culture’s Your Love Never Fails

I lose my head
From time to time
I make a fool of myself
In matters of the heart

We should have been holding each other
Instead we talked
I make a fool of myself
In matters of the heart

But I asked before
Your reply was kind and polite
One wants more
When one’s denied
I make a fool of myself
In matters of the heart

I won’t call it love
But it feels good to have passion in my life
If there’s a battle
I hope my head always defers to my heart
In matters of the heart

I guess I’m crazy to think
I can give you what you don’t want
I make a fool of myself
In matters of the heart

I’ve made myself sick
I can’t think of anything else
I can’t sleep at night
I make a fool of myself
In matters of the heart

I wish that I had the power
To make these feelings stop
I lose all self control
In matters of the heart

I can’t believe
It’s so hard to find someone
To give affection to
And from whom you can receive
I guess it’s just the draw of the cards
In matters of the heart

You caught me off guard
Somehow you reached me
Where I thought I had nothing left inside
I’ve learned a lesson I’ve been edified
In matters of the heart

I’ve spent my nights
Where the sleeping dogs lie
Not by your side
It feels so lonely
Once again I’ve left too much to chance
In matters of the heart

Here I sit
I’m feeling sorry for myself
It’s quite a sight
But I have you to thank
For reminding me
We’re all alone in this world
And in matters of the heart

I’m already missing you
Although we won’t say good-byes
Until tomorrow afternoon
Maybe when and if I see you again
We’ll see eye to eye
In matters of the heart

I have no harsh words for you
I have no tears to cry
If the moon were full
I’d be howling inside
It only hurts
In matters of the heart

If today were my birthday
I’d be reborn
As Bronte’s bird a bird that could fly
And all accounts would be settled
In matters of the heart
Matters of the heart

Tracy Chapman’s Matters of the Heart

That wraps it up for another year. I pray that my family and friends all make it to 2014. Have a great year everyone!

Filed under: Celebrations, Introspective by jummy | 1 Comment »

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