I called my parents’ house a couple of days ago because I wanted to ask my sister a question. Brother #2 answered the phone. His girlfriend was over and when he called to my sister and said “It’s your phone!”, Brother #2’s girlfriend asked him what he said and he said that he told his sister that the phone was for her. She said she had never heard “It’s your phone!” used to express that particular sentiment.

Similarly when someone in the family says something unbelievable and we want to confirm that it is in fact a truth and not a lie, we will ask “Trusting Gods?” This one makes me laugh when I think of what we’re actually saying because it makes no real sense. I mean we are a Christian household so perhaps we’re trying to say “If you trust in God you wouldn’t lie to me”? I have no idea how it developed but that is definitely our version of “For real?” or “Are you serious?”

We are an odd bunch, from my dad, who is the king of made up words, to my mom who has cute turns of phrase like “I bursted into cry” instead of “I burst into tears” (likely due to the fact that English is not her first language).

What expressions or traditions does your family use or have that would seem weird to an outsider?

Filed under: Family by jummy | 6 Comments »

So that last entry was titled I can tell that Valentine’s Day is coming for a reason: I could feel a case of uber grouchiness coming on.

A couple of commenters were surprised that a guy I hadn’t met in person would invite me to his wedding but now that I have had time to think about it, I should tell you that we had been “getting to know each other” for a while. I feel horrid that I don’t remember exactly how long we talked for but to say it was around a year (I don’t think it was longer than that), and we spoke on the phone at least weekly. He was sweet: he sent me roses twice, once with a cute stuffed bear and once with chocolates, and there is little bad that I can say about him except that I didn’t think we were well suited because I was fat (and taller) than his super slim self (I know, it’s me, allllll me, because he wasn’t bothered by it), and I wanted him to ask me more questions about me and get to know me in the way I wanted him to get to know me, and I felt he wasn’t delivering on that front. Oh the coolest part was we had the same last name! I actually came across him online, thought he was related and contacted him and that’s how we met in the first place. Although we don’t think we’re related, he thought it would be cool if I came to represent the people with our last name.

Also, it’s not uncommon for a Nigerian bride or groom getting married to have complete strangers show up at their wedding (sort of like wedding crashing), so I might have more of a claim of knowing the couple than others who might attend the wedding (not that I have made plans to attend the wedding).

Anyway, I felt bad about the way I portrayed him, so I wanted to clear that up. I still am not sure about the motive of the phone call though; perhaps I have grown suspicious of perfectly pure motives in my 30s.

In that last entry I also mentioned that I seem to collect young Nigerian men like I used to collect coupons to the Michaels craft store. It’s really strange but Nigerian men between the ages of 19 and 27 seem to be drawn to me, not as that sexy older woman who fuels all of their fantasies but as a friend.

Of the following five young Nigerian men I am friends with, I met two through an online forum and three through my “Nigerian” blog. We just clicked, and developed a rapport that is effortless, falling into a teasing older sister-younger brother thing with ease. I am the girl they can tell anything to it seems, or seek advice from or bounce things off of. I’m not saying I’m the only person they can do this with but it seems to be the role I’m destined to play in their life.

J is 26 or 27, lives in Nigeria and I’ve known him for almost five years. A few years ago I sent him a wee care package, inconveniencing one of my cousins to get it to him. She was probably wondering why she had never received anything from me yet this guy was getting something. There’s something very sweet about this guy and I just have the softest spot for him. Gone are the days when I’d tell him to focus on school and his career and save running after women for a while longer, because he has a girlfriend now and I wouldn’t be surprised to hear of his engagement soon.

A is in the US and reminds me the most of my relationship with my brothers, especially Brother #1. I sometimes get frustrated talking to him, but he’s gone through some things and he’s someone I’ll always want the best for. He has a tough guy exterior that hides a good person with a good heart full of good intentions. In some ways he’s the perfect blend of my two brothers.

S is also in Nigeria and is in the 25-27 year range. He charmed me with his enthusiastic first email saying that he wanted us to be friends. I misread his genuine enthusiasm and thought he wanted a piece of me and responded in a way that indicated that. I laugh now at my misguided self confidence, with me being all “You can’t have the Jummy” and he being all “I don’t want the Jummy; get over yourself woman!” His candor in explaining that he had a girlfriend and truly just wanted to be friends made me think he was so cool and I developed an instant crush on his soul. I was charmed by the way he communicated. He’s a computer geek which only increases his appeal.

T is in the 19-22 age range and he’s charming. He lives in France so I practice written French with him. We’ve discussed some pretty serious things and he has a fantastic memory which means I have to be honest with him, lest he catch me in a white lie!

K is a day away from turning 24 and he’s in Bulgaria studying medicine. He contacted me regarding a blog entry I had written elsewhere and wanted some advice for his own situation and now we’re buddies. He’s the one that I have the most teasing, lowkey, effortless rapport with; he’s such a kid.

And this week, another young Nigerian guy contacted me regarding something I had blogged about elsewhere and it’s looking like this will go in the direction the others have gone. I think I need a seventh guy who gives me that playful vibe I can’t get enough of, has the ability to charm me and who doesn’t give me that “older sister” vibe!

Filed under: Friends, Love? by jummy | No Comments »

I went on a date with a new guy at the end of last year. I wasn’t blown away by our conversation prior to the date, but he seemed like a decent enough fellow so I decided to meet him.

The day of our meeting, we were talking on msn and for whatever reason I asked him if everything on his profile was true. He said yes, that he would explain at our meeting. I thought nothing of it, because to be honest I don’t know why I even asked the question.

We met at a coffee shop that appeared to accept debit, but we found out later that it only accepts Mastercard. We ended up going for lunch at a well-known sandwich shop next door. As we ate we talked a bit (the usual pleasantries) and after finishing my sandwich I told him that he was not the age he claimed to be, 33. I told him he was older. He smiled and teasingly said that I was free to believe what I wanted. I replied that it was not merely that I thought he was older, I was convinced he had misrepresented his age. After a while he admitted he was in fact 36. I was not impressed, especially since my profile says that men up to the age of 37 can contact me. A day or so after the date we spoke on the phone for about 45 minutes and his explanation as to why he lied about his age (an inside joke between him and a previous contact on the dating site) just sounded ridiculous to me. I felt like if he could lie about this, he could lie about anything. I poured on the guilt, telling him how it was a big deal for me to be totally honest about my size in the written part of my profile, and to put up pictures that accurately reflected my size, and I felt that people should be honest in their profiles.

I hesitated to see him again, but a colleague suggested I give it a chance and see if I could get past the lie. I went into the second date certain the first words out of my mouth would be “LIAR!”, accompanied with my right index finger pointing at him, but I actually had a decent time on the date. We talked about general topics and I felt like he was someone who would accept me more or less as I am (good) but there wasn’t any sizzle or spark on my side.

So after a couple of weeks of sending text messages back and forth, we spoke on the phone and I told him that I didn’t feel the way I should feel about someone I wanted to get to know. I never felt like sending him a text message to see how he was doing; I was content to respond to his text messages. He told me I was resistant to his efforts for us to meet up and get to know each other better and he was right. I’m still trying to figure out why I was resistant: is it because I sort of like another guy who lives far far away or was I just not that into him? We haven’t been in contact in a week and I don’t miss talking to him, it’s more that I miss him not contacting me. Oh, the contrariness of women named Jummy!

And to make things more interesting, one of the guys I never dated sent me a text message completely out of the blue. We hadn’t talked in a while and he asked if he could call me. A number of years ago, I had inadvertently broken his heart. The thought that I could have done such a thing to anyone is unbelievable to me, but I felt like he and I were not well suited for each other so I told him that we should stop our regular communication. Like most men I have almost dated, he was unable to fulfill my desire for a man who shows me unequivocally that he burns to know everything about me. Maybe he (and others) did want to know all about me, but I wanted to them to express this desire in ways that I would recognize: by asking me questions, recalling things that I said to them in the past at appropriate times, or asking me more about my blogs (or trying to find my blogs) after learning I was a blogger. So calling me twice daily wasn’t good enough, though to the guy he probably thought that was a sign of his devotion. Anyway, I don’t regret not dating this guy.

Long story short, I jokingly/seriously asked if he wanted to call to ask me to be his maid of honour and tonight I found out that he is getting married and wanted to catch up with me and invite me to the wedding! Since we quite literally had not spoken on the phone for over four years and have never met in person, is it bad that a small part of me suspects he called (and is inviting me to the wedding) to make sure I know he’s done well for himself? Maybe I feel this way because I wouldn’t have called him to tell him of my impending nuptials. I’d expect him to see pictures on facebook and come to his own conclusions because that’s how it’s done these days!

Anyway, aside from these two events and my strong rapport with young Nigerian men (more on that later), not much is happening with me.

Filed under: Love? by jummy | 3 Comments »

Comments are working; hurray!

On my mind this past week:

Poisonous folk
In my life these tend to be women, and they seem to go out of their way to say something to make me feel bad, either about myself or about a situation. These women are masters of the backhanded compliment. I am a generally positive person, meaning I try to look at the bright side (though I will blog when I’m feeling bad or blue). Unfortunately, I also have a very expressive face, so if you say something meant to make me feel bad, you will see that on my face, even if only for a moment, before I put a positive spin on it. But it’s sad that there are people out there who enjoy doing that. I’m not trying to be deliberately vague but it would serve no purpose to name names. If you feel like you have a tendency to be like this, I’d encourage you to work on it!

Thankfully I know some really positive people who have the opposite outlook on life…they know who they are!

Generosity
I want to be more generous, and I know I’ve probably mentioned it before. I want to be the kind of person who gives for no reason. I’m happy to say I have the whole “giving without expecting anything in return” bit down pat, but I need to GIVE MORE and DO MORE. My dad always says that sharing is really sharing when you don’t have enough: if you have a dozen cookies and you give someone a few of them, great, you are sharing, but when it’s one cookie and you’re both hungry and you split it, that’s a bit more meaningful because in the first case, you’re giving out of your excess, while in the second you’re genuinely inconveniencing yourself. Both are still sharing, but I would be more touched by someone sharing when it’s not comfortable or convenient for them to do so. I am looking for opportunities to brighten someone’s day by showing generosity; it doesn’t have to be monetarily or with material goods.

(While we’re on the topic, please consider giving to support the Haiti relief and rescue efforts.)

Communication
I don’t seem to want to talk on the phone as much as I used to. It will always be a main mode of communication for me (well, until people can start reading my thoughts), but it takes me a good week or two to either make a call or return a call, which is not like me at all. I don’t know why this has changed, or what I’m doing instead of calling, but this seems to be a new me. I did recently get a most heinous phone bill ($133 and some change, when my usual bill is $60) and I was grumpy about that for a good day, but I don’t think that’s the reason I’m suddenly phone-averse. Maybe 2010 is meant to be the year of a quieter Jummy?

I have a friend who I just have to think about calling and she calls me. It’s such a fool proof method that I have to be careful how I use these super powers I possess.

***

It’s a random kind of day. I have a dozen errands to run but I’m tempted to hop back in bed instead. I have a KitchenAid stand mixer that wants to be christened too (so I can return it if it fails to make my every dream come true) and library books to return. I better git!

Filed under: Friends, Mundane by jummy | No Comments »